My poor dd.

(210 Posts)
Grindmygears Mon 22-Jul-13 08:48:53

My DD left primary last thursday. She had a lovely day with all of her class mates.

Now she has found out that one of the mums organised a party at her house for the leavers but left my DD and a couple of others out.
DD was the only girl not invited.

She's devastated. She thought they were all her friends.
Aibu in that if you have a class party you should invite them all?

I could cry for DD.

Eyesunderarock Mon 22-Jul-13 08:51:40

Yes, mean and petty.
Use it as a springboard to help her see secondary as a whole new start, have a few meetups with her friends in the holidays.
Have you got any idea why the party child chose to do that?

onetiredmummy Mon 22-Jul-13 08:54:56

Could there have been a mistake? Could the invitation have been lost? Were the party girl & your dd friends?

Yes it sounds very mean but we don't know the whole story..

BridgetBidet Mon 22-Jul-13 08:55:12

God how horrible. The mother should be ashamed of herself.

chocoluvva Mon 22-Jul-13 08:55:28

Very silly for that mum to invite almost everyone - if she can manage most of the class you'd think she would manage to cater for everyone.

Unless your DD and the other two were accidentally forgotten about.

I'm surprised your DD and the others didn't hear about the party before though.

It might be the party girl who deliberately accidentally forgot to invite your DD, but why did nobody else mention the party beforehand? confused

It' will be all change at the new school. New classmates, new friends as well as old. Try not to dwell on this.

pigletmania Mon 22-Jul-13 08:56:31

Yes that mum was plain nasty. If children were left out it wasn't a leavers party then. Really I hate rubbish like this, some adults are no better than children

ThePowerof3 Mon 22-Jul-13 09:00:05

What a wanky thing to do, do you have the mothers number I'd call her to ask why she felt it necessary to do such a thing. She may have a reasonable explanation?

Vivacia Mon 22-Jul-13 09:04:06

There must be a mistake. Can you ring to ask why?

chocoluvva Mon 22-Jul-13 09:06:35

I would NOT contact the mother. What would it achieve? If she feels challenged she'll just claim that it wasn't deliberate, but you'll probably be none the wiser as to what her DC and she intended.

It might have been her DC who didn't invite everyone and at the time of the party it would be too late to invite your DD and the others or the mum might not have realised that everyone in the class wasn't there.

Whatdoiknowanyway Mon 22-Jul-13 09:25:47

This happened to my dd, except years later I found out that she had been invited but something happened to the invite and it never got to her. The mum wondered why we never rsvpd
Most likely explanation to me.

Sarajen Mon 22-Jul-13 09:38:31

I think it is mean-spirited not to invite ALL the kids. You are not being unreasonable at all.

If she left last week could she just not have your contact details? Perhaps invite got lost. Or she thought you were away.

CeliaFate Mon 22-Jul-13 09:42:59

I'd ask another Mum if your dd was invited or had been left out. It seems odd to leave only a couple of children out, particularly just one girl. It sounds like a communication breakdown to me.
Could she have been away when invitations were given out?

YANBU - it is hurtful. My DS is also leaving year 6......out of a class of 35 kids, 30 of them are getting various limos to the local theme park on the last day - my DS was not included. It hurt!! He, however, isn't too fussed.

Vivacia Mon 22-Jul-13 09:43:32

Choco, it's far more likely that the girl is invited and something's gone astray, hence the advice to get in touch.

katrina81 Mon 22-Jul-13 09:47:09

It is very spiteful. This happened to my DD on Friday as well, her best friend was invited by the girl who has been bullying my DD and DD was left out by spite, pictures then followed of them on facebook etc. I must admit I was very childish and had a few choice words on facebook about these spiteful women. They had been rubbing it in about it all day on the last day of school as well, what lovely memories for my daughter.

Hope your DD is ok.

chocoluvva Mon 22-Jul-13 09:53:41

We don't have enough info to know if whether this was deliberate.

I'm confused about the timing of the party too. Has it been yet?

becscertainstar Mon 22-Jul-13 09:55:23

I was wondering why I was getting nasty looks and weird comments from a mum at the school gates until I sent an email to every mum in the class just checking that I had all the RSVPs for my son's birthday party. She thought I hadn't invited her son. In fact I'd invited her son and his brother. Her son had hidden the invitation as he was miffed that his little brother had been invited too, and didn't want him to know that he'd been invited.

Tbh I thought the mum's behaviour was a bit pathetic. As it happened I'd invited her son and his sibling. I know on MN it's a terrible sin to leave any kid out of party invitations. Still I sometimes think that if I'd ever been 'left out' of a party and gone crying to my mum and dad they'd have told me to get over myself! They'd have said that I didn't have a right to be invited to everything, that I should appreciate it when I'm invited and not just expect it as my right. It's their party and their home. This attitude seems to have shifted these days, and it's a minefield making sure that the party is either so small that it can be explained away why others haven't been invited, or big enough to include everyone.

I wouldn't contact the mum - the party is done now, what purpose could it serve? But I would comfort your DD by saying that it was probably just a mistake, and not to think on it too much.

Gotta love how its automatically assumed she wasn't invited. According to posts on MN some kids don't even make it home with their pants, or entire pe kits, yet it's never once believed that a tiny little bit of card or paper could possibly go missing.

froubylou Mon 22-Jul-13 10:00:10

I understand what you are saying BUT I have just had a biggish b'day party for DD at a local pub.

We worked on who we were inviting between us. Because it was in a pub I know some of the girls (and a boy) she is friendly with wouldn't be able to attend due to their religion. After checking with their parents that even if we had invited them they wouldn't be able to attend she invited the rest of the girls and boys in her class apart from one little girl.

This particular little girl has picked on my DD throughout the last school year to the point I have been into school twice, and I usually tell DD to resolve issues like that herself. DD is a lovely little girl, quite young for her age compared to some in her class and not as 'street smart' as some of them. So I usually take 'so and so was mean to me' etc etc with a pinch of salt as what DD feels is mean is usually just kids being kids.

On the friday before her party, little girls mother who wasn't invited asked me why (quite aggressivley) her DD hadn't been invited. I pointed out that others hadn't either, and that she wasnt a friend of DD's and that they didn't get on. This kids are now all 9 (my DD youngest in class) so quite able to say who they like and who they don't like. Other little girls mother accused me of being racist (her DD is mixed race) as there were 'only fucking white kids going' and me of being a 'stuck up bitch'.

I quite reasonably pointed out that her child had picked on DD for the last year and had been in trouble several times for bullying and that as I was paying for the party I could invite who DD wanted and didn't have to be dictated too. And that I could see where her DD got her attitude from. I'm also (visibly) 18 weeks PG and really didn't appreciate a foul mouthed fishwife screeching in my face on one of the hottest days of the year!

Now I am not saying that the OPs DD is anything like the girl we didn't invite BUT at the end of the day if you are paying for and hosting a party of any kind it is down to the host to decide who does and who doesn't get an invite. There may be issues between the DC's that no one is aware of and unfortunatly life sometimes is disappointing.

Confronting the mother won't achieve anything at all and as they are moving up to a new school I wouldn't dwell on it for a second. Kids are sometimes not picked for stuff or left out and the attitude that they should be invited to absolutly everything doesn't help them in the long run.

Grindmygears Mon 22-Jul-13 12:44:28

Sorry it's taken so long to reply (on nights).

The PTA were present, the majority of children and even a teacher.
They gave the teacher her gift of the children at the party.

CitrusSunshine Mon 22-Jul-13 12:50:32

This seems very odd and I do feel sorry for your DD. Do you not get on with the mum or has there been any problem between your DD and this mum's child??

But, as others have said, personally I do not see any benefit in confronting the mum as it would not achieve anything - better to focus on the future and secondary school and try to not make it too much of a big deal ...if possible.

Grindmygears Mon 22-Jul-13 12:50:55

Dd has just informed me that the invitations were handed out in class, in front of her and the other kids.

Grindmygears Mon 22-Jul-13 12:53:13

I won't be confronting the parent citrus, it's over and done with now.

I just needed a bit of a moan.

Grind - with the end of term limo business my DS's teacher actually announced it to the whole class....I can only presume he thought everyone was invited. My DS was a bit bewildered as it was the first he had heard of it. I phoned the school to let them know it was not a class thing and some had been excluded as he was using it to make the kids behave.

I was not impressed.

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