to say no to this request from a friend?

(1001 Posts)
TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:16:33

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

YouTheCat Wed 24-Jul-13 22:55:09

I agree with Pictish. A clear, no-nonsense message telling her how rude she is and that you will not be doing her any favours.

I don't have any Sylvanian Families sad

I do have about twenty My Little Ponies, including a caravan, a gymkhana and some kind of castle. I am willing to contribute these to provide a fairy tale element to the decor.

And a Sindy horse.

But no Sindy.

YouTheCat Wed 24-Jul-13 23:00:49

Although it would be hilarious payback to take it on and decorate the place really tackily, it'd just make you look like the bad guy.

nauticant Wed 24-Jul-13 23:01:41

pictish has it right:

You are going to have to be very careful here OP, because as far as she is concerned your retort will be the result of sour grapes over the lack of invite.

Write something plain making exactly clear why her actions are unacceptable and state "no" clearly to end the matter now. At this point passive-aggression, sarcasm, or other tricksy-ness carries the risk of you being dragged off comfortable moral high ground and into pig wrestling.

FriendlyLadybird Wed 24-Jul-13 23:02:05

My DH, who has been following this thread with amazement, suggests:
Fsmilesmilek smileff.

He then got worried, and now thinks that this is all a coded cry for help. Her fiance is Bluebeard and she wants to get you there in advance of the wedding to help her escape.

If you really think it's not that, then by all means go with his first suggestion.

Onesleeptillwembley Wed 24-Jul-13 23:02:39

If its a fairy tale theme I have some things with wings I'll donate.

Angelico Wed 24-Jul-13 23:05:10

Tidy please, please start a part 2 and post the link before the thread fills up. I need to know how this ends. I need closure grin

dontlaugh Wed 24-Jul-13 23:05:34

Your day may be Sylvanian,
And let's hope the weather's Mediterranean,
But the decor will surely suck,
Am I doing it? Am I fuck.

JollyHolidayGiant Wed 24-Jul-13 23:07:06

My other thought was "You're off your fucking head"

TalkativeJim Wed 24-Jul-13 23:11:09

IceNoSlice - the Sylvanians was me, last night, having a bit of an off-piste moment. This was my post:

In a way, I almost wish you would agree to decorate the venue.

Do you know what my idea would be - that we have a whip-round on here (because they're not cheap) and you buy hundreds, THOUSANDS of Sylvanian Families figurines and put them all over the place - glued to the ceiling, poking out of the table settings, lines of them going up the walls looking (from a distance) like a giant ant infestation. You could even stick them all over the cake, making the bride and groom figures look like guests at that weird Ewok party in the Return of the Jedi. You could go to town on how special it would be and how she wasn't allowed to see it until the actual reception - everyone files in - SIOB en masse

Ah ha ha ha ha.

Hence Sylvanians. Bless their tiny little felty heads, their intricate costumes, and their teeny weeny little STD cards.

SoleSource Wed 24-Jul-13 23:12:25

No is my answer.

Bye

SunshineBossaNova Wed 24-Jul-13 23:13:11

Dear F

Yes, we did indeed talk about it.

Why not ask one of your guests to help you?

Conina Wed 24-Jul-13 23:13:28

icenoslice - only cos it was posted by the ah-maze-ing talkativeJim I quote from their post of ten past midnight above....

"...In a way, I almost wish you would agree to decorate the venue.

Do you know what my idea would be - that we have a whip-round on here (because they're not cheap) and you buy hundreds, THOUSANDS of Sylvanian Families figurines and put them all over the place - glued to the ceiling, poking out of the table settings, lines of them going up the walls looking (from a distance) like a giant ant infestation. You could even stick them all over the cake, making the bride and groom figures look like guests at that weird Ewok party in the Return of the Jedi. You could go to town on how special it would be and how she wasn't allowed to see it until the actual reception - everyone files in - SIOB en masse

Ah ha ha ha ha..."

talkativeJim - loving your work wink

Conina Wed 24-Jul-13 23:15:18

blush hi there jim um... Didn't see you around just now... Erm... [waves weakly]

WeleaseWodger Wed 24-Jul-13 23:16:09

A woman who writes articles for medical journals really does not need this spelled out for her.

She really does know how to use google and find out how save the date cards are to be used.

Time for as condescending of a reply back "aww, maybe next time, Hun." Lots of smileys and xxs

EldritchCleavage Wed 24-Jul-13 23:18:31

Actually, I agree with whoever it was upthread: I think the best response is just "LOL, no".

dontlaugh Wed 24-Jul-13 23:20:19

Dear Bride, your day may be Jedi,
And I'm sure your pants match your pedi,
Your tone leaves lots to desire,
You've gained nothing but ire,
Consider yourself dead to me.

Inertia Wed 24-Jul-13 23:22:19

I would like to second (third?)

'No, I can't. I am saving the date'

and then see whether she has the barefaced cheek to try to argue...

TidyDancer Wed 24-Jul-13 23:23:38
YouTheCat Wed 24-Jul-13 23:24:43

Have you replied yet or are you having a think?

TidyDancer Wed 24-Jul-13 23:25:30

I haven't replied yet, am going to do so tomorrow. Need to plot this one properly!

Lioninthesun Wed 24-Jul-13 23:26:36

"I see, you have saved my date as the hired help. Your previous messages to me make much more sense now. Out of interest, are the other 19 families who have saved the date and yet not actually invited to be assisting with decorations or have they acquired other roles for your big date, in the kitchen perhaps? If so, I strongly suggest you don't eat the soup.
Unfortunately I am washing my cat that day, terrible fleas you see. I wouldn't want to infest you or your guests and therefore have to pass on your generous offering of being your scivvy rather than guest.
All the best for the future..."

Lioninthesun Wed 24-Jul-13 23:27:29

Oooh Inertia I like that!

Touche!

mynameismskane Wed 24-Jul-13 23:29:18

Please
Please
Please
Send her the link to this thread.

Please!

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