AIBU about visiting DC and food?

(131 Posts)
SnailsInMyPaddlingPool Sat 20-Jul-13 14:49:30

I look after DNephew (3) unofficially, usually 1-2 days a week, though it varies. As a result of SIL and BIL's working hours, DNephew is usually left with PIL for most of the weekend (11am-11pm). Poor PIL are going through a really hard time at the minute, and to give them a break and for the benefit of my own DC, I often bring DN to our house to play. Sometimes I am asked and sometimes I offer, it's nice for the cousins to see each other, etc,etc. This has been going on about 6 months plus.

The only issue is that DN will eat nothing but chicken nuggets,potato waffles, and bananas, and will only drink fruit shoots. This means that I have to buy all of the above specifically for DN's visits, as we do not eat them (except for bananas). We are on a very tight budget and cook from scratch. Living in an area with limited shops means we often spend a fiver or more on foods which are only for DN, while my DC eat the food which I have budgeted and planned for. I know it doesn't sound a lot, but it is to us. The chicken nuggets have to be a certain type- made and sold by the local butcher, so 3.50 for a box of about 10- the issue is DN will easily eat the lot in one day, as he has them for both lunch and dinner and they are quite small. The potato waffles and fruit shoots are less of a problem, because they will keep until the next time, but even so I still end up having to buy them every other week at least.

I don't often get to supermarkets, but I have tried to buy cheaper substitutes to keep for DN, but SIL found out and I got the impression she was not happy as it was poorer quality and apparently DN can tell the difference. Also tried saving the fruit shoot bottles and filling with dilutable squash, but DN refused to drink it.

For a few weeks I tried giving DN no chicken nuggets and offering him what my DC were having. He refused to eat it and was apparently up most of the evening "sobbing with hunger"- SIL kicked up a bit of a fuss and was derogatory about my own family's diet.

Basically...AIBU to expect SIL to therefore send round food for her son or accept that he will have to eat as we do? I feel as though I am being horribly petty and tight, but we really are poor at the minute and have to be so careful with our own food budget.

RenterNomad Mon 22-Jul-13 18:40:23

YABVU to call that "a slight update!"

shock

Groovee Mon 22-Jul-13 12:54:00

Maybe you should offer to have SIL2's children instead!

MovingForward0719 Mon 22-Jul-13 12:48:36

My ds has SN and a weird and wonderful restricted diet. I take food for him wherever I go. I usually mention and explain to the host so they are not offended and thinking I am rejecting their food, which is generally superior to mine!

fuzzpig Mon 22-Jul-13 12:08:38

Wow this just gets crazier and crazier shock

Chunderella Mon 22-Jul-13 11:44:38

MrsHoarder and Inertia to clarify, it's not the OPs attitude I take issue with, rather some of the responses here.

BabyILoveYou Sun 21-Jul-13 20:56:20

Cripes, what a nutter. You sound lovely though OP.

clam Sun 21-Jul-13 20:48:49

"A falling out?" That implies that you are partly to blame! Whereas your only "crime" is providing free childcare and caring about what your DN eats.
I would NOT be having him again. I'm just surprised you haven't put your foot down before.

Xmasbaby11 Sun 21-Jul-13 19:50:32

Good for you! What a shame DN has such unreasonable parents.

SnailsInMyPaddlingPool Sun 21-Jul-13 19:45:13

BIL isn't around much- he works very long hours in a stressful job and plays golf when he is home. A while ago he was offered the chance to cut down his hours whilst remaining on almost the same pay and he turned it down, so I do wonder if he deliberately avoids his own home somewhat.

I was talking to SIL2 today. Word has got out (DH's family are the sort of bunch who are terrible for in-family gossip but close ranks to outsiders) that SIL1 and I have had a falling out. I didn't say much because I didn't want to be bitchy, but SIL2 informed me that the few times she has left her DC with PIL, SIL1 has got wind of it and brought DN over to PILs house and sat there for the duration of other nephew & neice's visit. SIL2 knows this because PIL told her- on one occasion PIL had planned a trip to local farm with other grandchildren which then had to be cancelled due to having no room for SIL and DN to come too.

Anyway, have made sure that the next few weekends are packed and busy for my family, so we won't be able to have DN either way- hopefully this will help reinforce the fact that we are not free childcare/nugget providers anymore!

And yes, SIL is a loon. Strange, because on a superficial level she is OK and quite easy to get on with- then she breaks out on one, like a bloody solar flare.

Groovee Sun 21-Jul-13 19:03:13

shock if it wasn't for the fact it's only a nephew, I'd say we had the same SIL! Your SIL sounds as bonkers as dh's!

I'd pull her up about the post on FB.

clam Sun 21-Jul-13 18:51:54

Anyone else think there's some veiled threat to the PILs, re trying to conceive? If she's already had two miscarriages?

foreverondiet Sun 21-Jul-13 18:10:11

ALSO wanted to comment in respect of the eating - my DS2 is now 3.5, but at around 2 his diet was similar to your nephew - basically a certain brand of processed sausages, certain yoghurts, and dry stuff like plain crackers or bread sticks, and ella's red pouches, and milk.

We went to see a paediatrician who specialises in fussy eating (my older 2 kids eat fine) and she said that we had to be very firm - cut out the milk, and basically he wouldn't starve himself. It was v difficult as we had nights of him crying all night asking for milk (as he had refused all the food on offer) but we found that the next day he was so hungry he would agree to try new foods, like meat sauce with hidden veg, veg soup etc etc. I have told friends and a lot of people have been quite shock that we were prepared to let him go hungry, but I felt more confident following dr's advice.

Anyway, a year on, his diet is still limited in that he won't eat any fruit or veg, but its much much better as he will eat any sausages, any burgers (even homemade with whatever meat I have), meat balls, bolognaise sauce with hidden veg, veg soup with hidden veg, fish fingers (even homemade ones with salmon) any yoghurt, any chicken nuggets, pasta, rice, tomato sauce, bread etc etc.

From what you said about her I can't see her following through with a plan to improve his diet, but maybe at school it might improve (although she might send in packed lunches??).....

Nicknamefail Sun 21-Jul-13 17:10:34

Also love that she didn't like you buying cheaper alternatives but also said 'it's only chicken nuggets' when you asked her to provide them. Classic.

Nicknamefail Sun 21-Jul-13 16:46:35

Wow op, you have a crazy sil. What is bil like?

Well done you and pil for taking charge of the situation.

pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 16:44:38

Raising doh

pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 16:44:11

Oh my god my mouth is on the floor, she is just something else. I am so pleased for your PIL standing their ground, good on them! Demanding to see a doctors certificate shock, she is just a nasty toxic person, she does not care one jot about her parents. Tey are intact reading her Chid not her, and she wants another one shock

foreverondiet Sun 21-Jul-13 16:35:08

Yanbu - you are offering free childcare - I would tell sil you aren't buying any more of special foods - either he eats what your kids eat or she supplies it - and that fruit shoots just aren't allowed in your house.

clam Sun 21-Jul-13 16:19:47

I'm sorry but she will continue to act in this appallingly entitled manner for as long as you all pander to her and enable her.

That conversation you had with her was great on your part to a point, but to be honest, you should have cut her off right at the start by saying something along the lines of "you know what? I won't be having him here at all."

Why are you still dithering over the bloody nuggets? They are so not the issue.

helenthemadex Sun 21-Jul-13 15:55:53

she is in for a shock when dn starts pre-school/school, her attitude is beyond belief

thebody Sun 21-Jul-13 14:25:24

ooh can you warn any potential child minder.??

I can spot a late paying, entitled, late picking up, early dumping before official time, rude pain in the arse parent from 20 paces...

a child minder won't put up with her hysterics.

nenevomito Sun 21-Jul-13 14:19:33

If she was paying for childcare she'd have to provide food - or he'd be expected to eat what he was given. She's so unreasonable, its laughable.

thebody Sun 21-Jul-13 14:16:35

I was a cm and obviously I provided healthy foods and what the mindees liked but I wasn't running a restaurant. it was eaten or in the bin.

your sil is a knob. charge her or ask for a packed lunch.

she's doing him no favours as this nonsense will have to stop at school.

the television thing is silly! perhaps she enjoys the Disney channels herself.

poor kid.

cornyblend37 Sun 21-Jul-13 14:15:15

shock was she a bridezilla as well?

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Sun 21-Jul-13 14:14:55

Wow, your SIL is a nightmare! YANBU at all and bloody well done for standing up to her. Your poor MIL though! Imagine demanding to see a doctor's note to prove someone can't do a MASSIVE favour for you! shock

Still18atheart Sun 21-Jul-13 14:09:04

Sorry i don't know your SIL and that sounds little too harsh. That should be sounds like a right piece of work blush

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