When cultures Clash..I refuse to give my father-in-laws name to my son.

(557 Posts)
orangebee1 Fri 19-Jul-13 12:13:50

Ladies, last week i delivered twins, one boy and one girl. My husband is Greek and tradition here dictates that the grandson must be named after the grandfather.
I am English and it's unthinkable to me that i can't choose my son's name. I am happy to have the grandfather's name (Yiorgos) as a middle name, but certainly not the first one and am insisting that my huband and i find a name we BOTH want.

I delivered by c-section and after two days (when i was still in the hospital recovering!) what should have been a joyous occasion turned into tears and arguments over the name choices - i wrote the names my husband and i had agreed on on facebook and his family saw and all hell broke lose.

My husband was so taken upset by his family's reaction, he was crying and distressed and finally changed his mind about the names.

As yet the babies are unamed and referred to as "the boy" and "the girl".
His sister says to me "you have three children now, what is it to name one of them after the grandfather - he has only one life and waited all of it until this day for his name to be passed on".

Am i being unreasonable??? Would you name your child a name you really do not like at all to keep the peace???

MrsRogerSterling Fri 19-Jul-13 12:17:37

No I wouldn't, I would compromise as you have sugeested and use it as a middle name. Yanbu. How does your husband feel, did he mention to you before the birth that he wanted to use his fathers name?

Yanbu I wouldn't do it, especially as you and your dh had already agreed on another name prior to the family finding out

reelingintheyears Fri 19-Jul-13 12:19:19

I would use it as a middle name too.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Fri 19-Jul-13 12:19:25

I think using it as a middle name is a fair compromise. Your child, your choice.

LastTangoInDevonshire Fri 19-Jul-13 12:19:59

Why not call him Georgie Yiorgis - compromise (assuming Georgie is the Greek equivalent of Yiorgis).

MidniteScribbler Fri 19-Jul-13 12:20:44

No, I wouldn't. But your DH also has a say in it, it's his child as well.

Could a compromise be to name him Yiorgos John, for example but always call him John?

Leviticus Fri 19-Jul-13 12:22:30

Congratulations!

Tell SIL to name her DS after her Dad if she's so bothered!

I think your middle name compromise is very reasonable. Alternatively could you have FIL's name as DS's official first name on the birth certificate and your preferred name as the middle name but the one you actually call him by?

Polyethyl Fri 19-Jul-13 12:22:51

Could you put it as a first name then the second name be one you actually like and use?

My brother is James Hugh .... and everyone calls him hugh. The james was put first just to keep family tradition - but has never been used.

Mandy21 Fri 19-Jul-13 12:23:18

I agree that there is a compromise to be had - as LastTango suggests, is there an English equivalent of grandfather's name that you can use and say you have given him the name, just the English version of it?

Leviticus Fri 19-Jul-13 12:23:20

X post Scribbler!

Mandy21 Fri 19-Jul-13 12:24:42

P.S. As a mother of b/g twins, I'd also suggest that your DH's family recognise that you have quite alot on your plate with 1 week old twins!!

Tabliope Fri 19-Jul-13 12:27:10

Did you not know and discuss this beforehand? I know a British woman married to a Greek man and she went with the tradition of naming their first son after the grandfather. I'm surprised your husband never mentioned anything because he would have grown up knowing this and also was probably told by his parents "ooh we can't wait until you have little Yiorgos".

I completely understand where you're coming from. Your DH should have put his parents straight a long time ago as I do feel little bit sorry for your FIL - it's his culture and one day he hoped to pass his name on so I could understand if he feels cheated. Saying that I refused point blank to give my DS his grandfather's name, even as a middle name, as I hated it. Culture clash as you say.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Fri 19-Jul-13 12:28:06

YANBU

There is no way you should be pushed around about this, you have just given birth to twins for goodness sake!

He is your son, of course you should have a say in his name and just because your DH is from a different culture doesn't trump your wishes

Branleuse Fri 19-Jul-13 12:30:05

Id probably do it, and then call the child a nickname, if that was what my husband wanted, if it truly was tradition

stleger Fri 19-Jul-13 12:30:53

My ds has 'the name' as his first name (the name has been handed down for 7 generations), but is known by his second name. Otherwise we'd be stuck with the family tradition of Old Name, Young Name and Wee Name.
FIL sometimes refers to ds by Name, and confuses everyone. Ds uses it on email accounts and things. He intends to pass it on, his some will be Name Wolf, and that child's mother will be here...

formicadinosaur Fri 19-Jul-13 12:32:46

Firstly he is your son. Yours and dh's choice. Grandad can be used as middle name.

Never ask relatives options about names. Just choose the names and tell people what the kids are called. Ignore negative comments.

roguepixie Fri 19-Jul-13 12:33:10

Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your twins.

Secondly, YANBU. Compromise. It is unreasonable for them to expect this "tradition" to be handed down like this. Agree with Leviticus too - SIL can name her child after him.

My MIL tried to guilt me into naming my DS after her father as "I made the promise to him that I would name my son (my DH) after him but husband took care of registering him and gave him a different name". My response: "you made the promise, not me. Sorry, but don't want to call him X, we've decided on XX".

Stand your ground - compromise exists on both sides not only yours.

NotYoMomma Fri 19-Jul-13 12:36:05

isnt this why Peter andre's son is Junior? I think it was a compromise name

orangebee1 Fri 19-Jul-13 12:37:16

Hi ladies, thanks for the responses so far...
We have discussed putting Yiorgos as a first name but never using it and instead going by the middle name of my choice, but it just seems wrong to me somehow - he'll go through his whole life with Yiorgos as his official name and i just don't want that.
The name translates as George in English but it's still not THE name i would like for my son, i do want something only both my husband and i are happy with so it's not like i'm digging in my heels to get a specific name.
And yes we discussed it before - actually it was a condition i gave to my husband before we married- 'i will marry but you know i won't name any son we have after your father'.

I am not a feminist or anything close to that, but i do feel it sickening that as the mother i cannot chose my child's name?? That i feel bullied and guilt-tripped into doing something i don't want to. It just seems such a backward notion to me. And what of my own father who's passed away? Surely it's enough for my husbands family to have the middle AND last name.

I can think of 4 people I work with who don't use their first name, so it might be a solution to have it as a first name but just use the middle name.

TheCraicDealer Fri 19-Jul-13 12:38:19

Next time his sis tries to start guilting you with "he has only one life and waited all of it until this day for his name to be passed on" line, say "So when are you going to get pregnant then?".

Honestly, tell them to jog on. Or you could call him George, which Google tells me is the English version and isn't heinous.

x post

TheCraicDealer Fri 19-Jul-13 12:39:12

Cross post- stick to your guns. Have you got a name you want to use?

EvieanneVolvic Fri 19-Jul-13 12:39:30

He is your son, of course you should have a say in his name and just because your DH is from a different culture doesn't trump your wishes


Erm they are DH's children too. Why should OP's wishes trump his any more than his trump hers? Though I personally would tell them all to go boil their heads and fry their faces if I had given birth to twins in this bloody heat

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