To coast in my career for a bit...

[louloutheshamed]

I am 29 and pg with dc2, ds is 2.5. I am a full time secondary teacher. I have been extremely fortunate in when dh and I bought our house, wealthy pils helped us out to the extent that we only have a small mortgage. Dh is self Employed, so he has flexibility that I don't have re child care, ds has a mixture of nursery, gps and dh. Dh also probably does more domestic work than I do- all cooking etc.

I am about to start mat leave soon but when I return to work I feel like I will need to make a decision about how I approach my career, mainly whether to stay part time or drop down, probably only
to 4 days though. A lot of my
Peers are going for promotions ATM and this makes me wonder if I should Too. I have always been driven and academically successful. I feel that my parents are a bit surprised that I'm not at least a head of
Department by now, but I sort
Of feel that because We don't really need the money, im not really that motivated to push myself forward.

But then I worry in that I see how my pils' wealth has
made my bils, and to
some extent my dh, quite
complacent in terms of career progress, and because dh ATM Is happy to let His business tick over I feel like maybe I should
be the ambitious one for
The both of us? And dh does pick Up the slack a lot with ds.

I really don't feel like I miss
Out on time with ds at all. I can be home by 4 although i do need to work after he is in bed, I have the school hols with him, he loves
Nursery and has great relationships with dh and his gps.

I realise that I am extremely fortunate to have this dilemma as so many people are really struggling at the minute, but I'm just wondering if I will regret not pushing myself further at this time of my life. If I was a man I would Probably be expected to be making great gains career wise in my circumstances, wouldn't I?

[Mumsyblouse]

I think it's fine to have times when you coast and times when you step it up, stepping up just before having a second baby might not be one of them, but two years after the birth, once they are both settled one in school and other in nursery/childcare would be a good time. The only reason to really push yourself to take a promotion when you have another big life event is if it won't happen again, the chance is pretty rare that you will get that level of job at that stage, but I don't think that will be the case with you, and surely many people only move up in their early-mid thirties anyway. You don't have to stop being ambitious, but I am increasingly realising that part of career management in the long-term is knowing when to make your move. You will have more than one chance in teaching I would guess.

[MaybeBentley]

I don't see why we all have to be driven to progress. I've had promotion and decided I don't ever want to move higher. I'm happy where I am. It frustrates me that people automatically assume I must be looking to move into the top job, rather than stay as a happy and fulfilled underling! I have enough to live on and enjoy my time with the family rather than working silly hours, stressing and making more money to afford holidays and a bigger car. I know it is easy to say as I have a job and some money, but there is more to life than money, it doesn't buy friends, family and happiness.

[olivo]

Absolutely NBU. I took a step down when I had Dd1, went back 0.8 FT, had Dd2. Now she. So starting school , I have gone back onto responsibility, but I have had no qualms about stepping back and letting those with more energy take over the work. I am nearly 40 and many of my 'superiors' are younger than me, but I am happy!

[Tailtwister]

I think it's more than possible to go part-time as a secondary teacher. My SIL went down to 3 days, but had to give up her full-time head of dept post to do so. Now her DC are of school age she's gone back to full-time again with relative ease, although she has gone abroad to do so.

I'm the same as Maybe that I've often had the chance of promotion but haven't wanted it. I'm about to go back part-time after taking a break for a couple of years (I'm not a teacher) and have had to lower people's expectations of what I'm wanting to do. There's always a price to be paid for the top jobs and I just don't want to be at the beck and call of my employer 24/7 whilst my children are young.

If you're good and maintain your reputation then I don't see the problem in stepping back for a while.

[spotscotch]

Why do you have to progress rapidly in your career if you don't want to? You are nit letting anyone down. I am a teacher and am quite happy 'coasting' as a class teacher as that is what I'm good at. I'm not all that confident with leadership skills in other aspects of school life, and certainly have no ambition to go into management (hell no thank you!).

Just do what you are happy with, there is no reason to feel that you have to get promotion after promotion if that's not what you want.

[Chottie]

I've taken the decision not to progress any further. I do not want more responsibility or people to line manage or performance review.

[Torrorosso]

It depends. If you are driven and successful, would you be frustrated by those less capable becoming your boss?

Different for me because we needed the money and that meant i couldn't coast, but I stepped it up when I could see others would leap ahead if I didn't go for promotion, and they weren't people I wanted to be my manager.

[Wuldric]

Your post illustrates perfectly the issue that too much parental support can be both limiting and damaging. If you are not driven you are not driven. But your post clearly demonstrates that you are competitive.

So I ask, how will you feel when your peers are getting their deputy headships and then their headships, while you are a classroom teacher?

Not that there is anything at all wrong with being a classroom teacher, the system needs people to opt out. It's just that opting out sounds wrong for you.

[cupcakelover1983]

I totally empathise with how you are feeling. I too am a secondary teacher and all the teachers of a similar age to me (28-30) in my school were going for promotion when I returned from maternity leave in 2011. I am a naturally ambitious person and it was really difficult to watch everyone going for promotions when I was coasting along as a pt (4 days) member of staff.

Eventually I decided that I wanted to try promotion and I got a head of department job last October when my DS was just 2. I went back to work full time and threw myself into the job. I enjoyed it but I definitely could not leave at 4pm everyday and always had loads of work to do at home. The worst thing was that the job was so tiring and stressful that I didn't have any patience left for DS when I got home at 6.30pm and I only really spent time with him at the weekend. The job was only temporary and I didn't get the permanent contact in June but although I was disappointed I am also relived and I feel guilty that I have missed 9 months of DS's life.

I am returning to school after the holidays as a classroom teacher and I'm really looking forward to making my child my priority again - rather than other people's children!

I guess what I am trying to say is that it is a difficult decision and teachers are being promoted at a younger ages now - I think because those who have been in the profession longer see that it isn't worth it for the impact on your life. The early promotion makes it difficult to keep
up if you have your children t a relatively young age - all of the other promoted staff who are my age are childless. Do what works for you and your family but don't lose yourself either.

God this is a long one and probably
not very useful!

[GummyLopes]

Not sure about the phrase 'step down' as it seems pejoritive.

It doesn't matter what your parents think.

You might well regret not pushing yourself further. Your lack of motivation

• if you don't want it don't do it, if you do,do, but if you're equivocal, why?

[uselessinformation]

I felt as if I should take the recent promotion which was offered to me first. (teacher) know I could do the job and I felt like I would be letting myself down if I didn't take it. However, I knew that I would be compelled to do a good job and it would be stressful. I earn enough to be comfortable. I know that the person who now has the job will coast and feel no qualms about it but that's how people are different. if you need the money or you thrive on the stress then do it but otherwise I would advise staying full time and enjoying your spare time with your family.

[Mumsyblouse]

You don't have to make one decision for your entire life anyway, I didn't hit my stride career-wise til my early forties and it's now all falling into place at a time when the children are a tiny bit older and I know now that I'm really not that happy staying home and pottering about, having done it. So- the opposite of some people here, I'm trying to work the same hours, but with more responsibility and get paid more (as staying part-time often means you stay on lower rates of pay even though you are working hard). But I'm a firm believer that there isn't one moment, I didn't even get into my current line of work til my early-mid thirties and of course some younger ones passed me along the way, but I don't mind.

[Mumsyblouse]

And- also realistically having a tiny baby again does impact on your ability to work exceptionally hard for long hours, even for just a year or so, so I can't see this being the ideal time to suddenly up the hours/pressure, even if in two/three years time it is more viable.

[olivo]

Was that at my 'stepping down'? I use that phrase because I had a position of responsibility, on an SA2, and I went from being a manager back to being a classroom teacher. It was a step down In responsibility and salary.

[LessMissAbs]

I know people on your position who have done virtually nothing, career wise, with their lives. You otoh have established a solid career. A career you can take more ambitiously in the future should you choose to do so. And of course it does not always mean you are appreciated any more when you put a massive effort in. You only get one life...

Don't end up in the position if doing a full time job for part time hours though. And men are not all different - my dh used to.be an engineer, and I was shocked at the number of men in his last company who went very part time in their early thirties.

[louloutheshamed]

Ok lots to think about here thank you. I suppose I need to have this baby first then think about stepping it up in a couple of years' time.