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AIBU?

to think its not my job to remind my exh about our dd birthday?

62 replies

desperateforaholiday · 18/07/2013 12:22

Its our dd's birthday today, we separated years ago and on the whole things are quite amicable.

Anyway he's forgot (his partner had a baby last week), just had a text off him saying I should have reminded him wtf!

My dd hasn't mentioned the lack of cards from any of her dads family but I know she's aware (she's 12 today)

I don't see why I should remind him, no one reminds me, ive sent him a text back saying its not my job anymore, ive yet to get a reply.

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ImNotBloody14 · 18/07/2013 12:25

Yanbu at all. Happy birthday your dd- my ds is 8 today! Grin

I dont remind my exp- no card from him yet but my dcs will see him at the weekend so in guessing he will give acard then

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flowery · 18/07/2013 12:27

Well, no it's not your job, but pragmatically, if reminding him will ensure your dd is not disappointed, it might be a good idea to do so anyway.

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InTheRedCorner · 18/07/2013 12:30

No, why should you need to remind him of the date his child was born?

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YouTheCat · 18/07/2013 12:31

Yes, but then if you remind them, they get all snippy with 'of course I know when my child's birthday is'.

He's a grown man, capable of putting a date in his phone or on a calendar. Not your job, OP.

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ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 18/07/2013 12:31

im afraid id be replying terribly sorry. it didnt occur to me for a second that there would be any circumstance under which you could forget the anniversary of the day your child came into the world.
i will of course remind you in future years.

would you also like me to remind you when christmas is coming up?

love x

ps if you forget her name, dont ever be afraid to ask, we'll just pretend thats my responsibility too.

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ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 18/07/2013 12:33

i realise actually saying that will cause ww3 but you can at least amuse yourself with the fantasy...

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Maryann1975 · 18/07/2013 12:35

It is not your job to remind him at all. But I guess your dd was disappointed to not have her birthday acknowledged by her father. Do you need to remind him it's Christmas in December or is he capable of remembering that himself? Having a new baby is no reason to forget you have other children.

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WhiteBirdBlueSky · 18/07/2013 12:36

Well it's not really anybody's job is it?

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Whothefuckfarted · 18/07/2013 12:37

Iid go with the first 4 lines from hecsy

^im afraid id be replying terribly sorry. it didnt occur to me for a second that there would be any circumstance under which you could forget the anniversary of the day your child came into the world.
i will of course remind you in future years.^

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Whothefuckfarted · 18/07/2013 12:37

I'd

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DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 18/07/2013 12:40

YANBU of course you shouldnt have to remind him about his own child's birthday. Cheeky shit. I wouldnt either. It just wouldnt occur to me to do so.

I like the idea of Hecsy reply to him. Except I probably would send it Grin

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desperateforaholiday · 18/07/2013 12:40

Smile he once did forget my Christmas present, its the 1st time he's forgot her birthday, he's remembered all by himself the last 8 years, although his parents never send her a card.
He still hasn't replied, I had text him 1st thing to ask what time he was coming to see her, he's probably out shopping now.

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LastTangoInDevonshire · 18/07/2013 12:40

flowery - really?

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bluebell8782 · 18/07/2013 12:42

I dunno - do you think he would have remembered if you were still together? If not, I think it would be less likely he would remember if she doesn't live with him full time.

This may be sexist but in my opinion men are sometimes a bit rubbish at this sort of thing. I would have thought his partner might have reminded him but I guess she may have forgotten as well with the baby coming.

Yes, you shouldn't have to remind him but there you go, maybe it just is best to in the future.

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squeakytoy · 18/07/2013 12:43

If he has remembered every year in the past then considering his wife has just had a baby, I would cut him a bit of slack. Does he not really have much contact with your daughter though??

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BlueStones · 18/07/2013 12:45

YANBU. I hate the "remind me" brigade - I used to work with a master of the art. Not your job to remind other people of their responsibilities. Knowing that HE will have to tell your daughter that he just forgot should be enough of a motivation for him to remember.

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tobytoes · 18/07/2013 12:46

Sorry im agreeing with flowery. Althought it is totally not your responsibility to remind you ex I would probally remind him just so my little one wasnt dissapointed. But as I say,it isnt your responsibility and yanbu.

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desperateforaholiday · 18/07/2013 12:47

Sorry I don't buy into the sexist crap that men don't remember birthdays etc, use a calendar, that's what I do.

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desperateforaholiday · 18/07/2013 12:50

She stays his every saturday night and goes for tea a couple of nights a week, she will have been talking about her birthday as that's all ive heard for the last month.

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ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 18/07/2013 12:51

i hate that too. there is nothing about having a penis that means you are incapable of remembering things.

those who 'cant remember' dont bother remembering cos they feel like its your job. if you can remember your own stuff. appts. work stuff. social stuff. you can remember this.

the vagina is not a built in diary ffs.

and dont get me started on 'cant' look after the kids or use a washing machine and all that crap.

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InTheRedCorner · 18/07/2013 12:52

I've got an awful memory and forget things all ver the place.

Never forgotton one of the DCs birthday and nor would I expect him to.

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YouTheCat · 18/07/2013 12:53

Omg Is the vagina like some kind of filofax? Grin

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LindyHemming · 18/07/2013 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluebell8782 · 18/07/2013 12:56

Maybe I should have said 'some people' are a bit like that but in my opinion it is mostly men.

Anyway it seems like it was the first time he'd forgotten so I think he ought to be cut some slack.

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/07/2013 12:56

Yup - and some sort of lost-object-finder too, YouTheCat. Apparently mine enables me to know the location of every object in the house, and makes me responsible for every single one of them even when I haven't touched them. No-one else in my family is capable of actually, oh, I don't know - actually LOOKING for something before asking me where it is.

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