Do I say I mind DH Going and look/feel like a cunt!?

(112 Posts)
dontgowadingin Wed 17-Jul-13 23:01:52

Open to views, don't know if I'm bring selfish or he is...

We have a 9 week old baby and when I had her things went a bit tits up and ended up having emergency section and losing a lot of blood and had blood transfusion.

DH was promised two weeks of work so when I came home tried to rest. Was very tearful as there might have been issues with dc health (thankfully all is well ) and was really struggling breast feeding .

2 days in DH boss was on phone 'asking' him to come back, really important time ect... DH went back and I really struggled.

DH puts in long hours at work and his boss promises the earth but never really comes through with anything.

Now his boss wants to take him and two colleagues to Dubai as a thank u for his hard work.

I've seen my arse, but feel a bit cunty over it.

No trust issues what so ever, he is going away with friends and so am I next year.

I'm I just jelous or does he need to remember he has small angel here that needs him at the moment and me too!

If I'm not happy about it , he won't go.

mittensthekitten Wed 17-Jul-13 23:03:27

Well, how long would they be gone for?

Ask him to stay!

Neither of you will get this time back and I think he may regret it and you may hold it against him.

You and your baby are the most important things at the moment. Dubai will be there in a few months.

aldiwhore Wed 17-Jul-13 23:05:40

It's not the right time for him to go, it's the time where he's needed at home, the only thing that he could do other than that is work. It's just the wrong time.

TylerHopkins Wed 17-Jul-13 23:06:19

I don't like the fact he wants to go to be honest. I don't think I would want to be away from my baby at that age.

cheerfulweather Wed 17-Jul-13 23:08:37

It's not the best timing, or the most considerate reward, for somebody with a nine week old baby. If it was essential, important business travel then maybe...but this is not.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 17-Jul-13 23:09:11

He shouldn't want to go, IMO.

Cityofgold Wed 17-Jul-13 23:09:35

I totally understand why you feel the way you do but if he wants to go and provided it is a short break ie 5 days or less then I would try to be the 'bigger person' and let him go. And then use it for Brownie points in the future!

His boss could thank him for his hard work by actually letting him the paternity leave he had booked off!

sanityawol Wed 17-Jul-13 23:10:41

Does your DH actually want to go? Your OP says that the boss wants to take him, but you don't say how your DH feels about this.

Is it possible that your DH wants you to say no so that he has an 'out'?

Finney2 Wed 17-Jul-13 23:11:50

I'd have absolutely no problem asking my H not to go.

He's got the rest of his life to swan off half way around the world. Right now, his wife and child need him. That's wha marriage, and parenting, is all about.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 17-Jul-13 23:11:57

His boss sounds like an arse, to, TBH. To offer as a thankyou for something that took your DH away from his child, something else that takes him away from his child. I know bosses aren't philanthropists but ...... Arse.

Flojobunny Wed 17-Jul-13 23:12:12

It has to be his decision not yours. He's a grown man.

dontgowadingin Wed 17-Jul-13 23:12:27

I have said all of the above and when I pointed out about leaving baby he agreed, I just feel really twatty.

Tbf I think I might of gone down the 'oh go if it that important then thrown it on his face when I needed a back up argument

Ohhelpohnoitsa Wed 17-Jul-13 23:15:09

gosh lucky him and unlucky you. i would feel resentful if he went. BUT do you know, life can be quite easy when you only have yourself and baby to deal with for a couple of days - do as you please. If its 3 or 4 days yes. More than that I would struggle to not feel resentful. However, that said, I would be a lot happier if dh said he'd turned down the trip and asked for the paternity leave he lost out on instead. Clearly they aren't indespensible right now if a trip to Dubai is on the cards.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 17-Jul-13 23:15:10

Stop using female organs to put yourself down. It seems bizarre you'd rather store up resentment to use later than assert what you want. I say that in a kind way....

Ohhelpohnoitsa Wed 17-Jul-13 23:15:56

and I agree his boss is a thoughtless arse (but generous too) hmm

dontgowadingin Wed 17-Jul-13 23:16:04

sanity yep he wanted to go I could tell

jamie didn't see it like that but will use it for ammunition grin

pictish Wed 17-Jul-13 23:17:55

How long for?

diddl Wed 17-Jul-13 23:22:06

Wants to take him for a holiday?

Couldn't your husband just ask for the days at home instead?

I suppose it is generous.

Although that said, Dubai doesn't appeal to me at all-I#d rather just mooch about at home.

No brainer if it would mean time with a new baby.

HooverFairy Wed 17-Jul-13 23:23:15

I'm in agreement with the others, boss is an arse. He'd be better giving him 2 weeks off with full pay, to spend with his wife and child as an apology for interrupting paternity leave, rather than a fancy trip.

YANBU, but I'd talk to your husband - will it damage his work reputation if he turns it down?

MorrisZapp Wed 17-Jul-13 23:27:19

No effing way. My DP didn't even get to play a round of golf for the first six months or so. A trip to Dubai? Is he serious? No, no, no.

fabergeegg Wed 17-Jul-13 23:29:38

It depends on the dynamics of your set-up. But if you're not sure about it he should do the decent thing and not consider it. But to avoid resentment on his part, that will only work if he comes to that conclusion by himself...oh dear. What an idiotic boss.

TheCrackFox Wed 17-Jul-13 23:30:41

Could your DP ask his boss to postpone the trip for 6 months?

mirai Wed 17-Jul-13 23:33:52

*His boss could thank him for his hard work by actually letting him the paternity leave he had booked off!*

This.

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