Ok, so I know I probably am, but its a raw subject so please be gentle on me.
We lost our first son 4 years ago, due a birth accident at a home birth. It was as you can imagine the most horrendous experience of my entire life. However I had no idea how the pain could be magnified as the years went by, largely due to unexpected encounters or thoughtlessness by other people.
Just under a year later I gave birth to my second son and in a lot of peoples eyes I should then have been "better". Obviously he gave us joy and hope that we never thought we would feel again, but no matter what happens, our first son is and will always be a huge part of our lives.
Slightly later that month, in the week between ds1 birthday and anniversary of death, my Brother in law's (Hubby's sisters husband), brother and wife had a baby at home and they called him the same, fairly unusual name, as our DS. We were not told this until about 6 months later as everyone knew that it would cause upset. Its not that I feel like I own the name, but more that my neice and nephew has a cousin called that and they now have another one, who is alive and will therefore be far more dominant in their conciousness as the person with that name.
I made it very clear as did my DH that we found this not only extraordinarily cruel but that we really didn't want to be around them. Apparently they said that they didnt think that they would ever see us anyway so couldn't see the problem.
Fast forward 3 years and we have largely avoided any mention of the. However it is our nephews birthday soon and we have just been told that they are going to come.
My first reaction is that with every part of my body that I do not want to go, that I have nothing to say to them that isn't unpleasant, and tbh I dont want to cause a scene (and I'm not sure i will be able to control myself). However DS2 is really looking forward to the party and it seems really unfair to stop him from going because of this.
I would send my dh with ds2 and dd but frankly, I don't want them to go without me.
Please be gentle. Am I being totally unreasonable? WWYD?
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AIBU?
To be upset by this.
68 replies
mootime · 17/07/2013 10:17
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