to have not enjoyed this family holiday? am i completely selfish and just an AWFUL parent?

(279 Posts)
dirtyface Wed 10-Jul-13 09:58:39

went away last week with dh and our 2 dcs aged 4 and 7

its the first time we have been away as a whole family (for various reasons) and i was really looking forward to it. but mostly it was hard work and pretty shit.

the kids are usually pretty good at home. but on holiday, they played up, fought, acted spoilt, constantly demanded things, moaned that things were "boring" , pissed about at bedtime till all hours as they were so excited, woke us up early every morning, we barely got 2 minutes together. and managed one shag the whole time so i was grumpy and irritable, as was DH. and we absolutely haemorraged money on god knows what so both of us were a bit stressed cos of that.

and most things we did were pretty boring for us as they were child focused. so i was EXHAUSTED and miserable by the time we got home and had never been so glad to be home from a holiday in all my life

is this what its like? i bet we spent two grand all in (that includes paying for the actual holiday itself). and for what?

the kids had a good time at least i might add!

sorry if i sound a massive ungrateful so and so - am prepared to be told i am blush

Wallison Thu 11-Jul-13 11:08:19

I love holidays! One thing I've noticed is that I'm much more relaxed and chilled out with DS than I am at home - always try to keep that holiday feeling going when we're back but don't quite seem to manage it. But when we're away, I love every minute of it. We do self-catering, so that we don't spend a fortune on food and in the evening once he's gone to bed I can relax on my own and read a book or watch telly or whatever - I think that bit is crucial, actually. Have done shorter breaks staying in hotels and it's no fun having to wait for him to go to sleep and creeping round the room once he is etc. But sitting on a balcony and watching the sun go down while he sleeps all happy after a day in the sunshine doing new stuff ... absolute bliss.

Bonsoir Thu 11-Jul-13 11:01:57

This year DP and I are going away for 10 child-free days of total relaxation in a culturally different environment, to get away from daily life. DD and DSS2 are currently on a four-week activity bonanza holiday and will be very happy to chill on their return, when we go on a family holiday all together. So we will already be rested and they will already be activitied-out, and we should be able to hang out together and enjoy ourselves in the house/pool we have rented with another family.

<<crosses fingers>>>

noblegiraffe Thu 11-Jul-13 10:35:07

I'm really looking forward to our holiday next week, Haven with a 3 year old and 5 month old. I'm on maternity leave so used to entertaining them all day and looking forward to doing it in different surroundings with activities on tap and DH to help out.

Those with older kids saying how relentless it all is - are older kids harder to entertain or have you just got used to not having to deal with them all the time since they started school?

Wishihadabs Wed 10-Jul-13 22:41:21

Also no homework, no school run, no work emails.

Wishihadabs Wed 10-Jul-13 22:40:00

Meant to say it also depends on how much time you get to spend together during "normal" life. I am frequently outfromm 7-7 or DH is. So just having 3meals a day together is a treat.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 10-Jul-13 22:37:29

shade

superstarheartbreaker Wed 10-Jul-13 22:36:32

Last year I took a then 4 year old dd to Menorca and it was the most relaxed I have ever been with her. The reason why? It was too bloody hot to do anything! She couldn't race around and she spent most of the time in the swimming pool making friends whilst I lounged by the pool. It's the way to go I tell you. Better still if said resort has kids' club. Worth every penny.
It cost me a grand for 10 days for 2 of us including flights. But I do agree if it isn't at least 30 degrees in the sahde then the kids are too inclined to race around. I miss my adventure travel days when I could do cultural things and hiking rather than kiddy clubs and 'fun' activities. Sigh.

Groovee Wed 10-Jul-13 22:15:47

I'm finding holidaying with my 13 year old testing!!! She's been warned we wouldn't be shopping every day. We went to one place but she's googled the flaming other one and wants to go there instead! We've just had a huge row. Ds got his way and dh has taken him to the park while dd sits in a huff in her room, and I'm by the pool. She got her time in fecking Hollister last week and was told it was the one off trip there!!!! Ungrateful madam. Next year it's a holiday at home again!

LostLion Wed 10-Jul-13 22:13:36

I like holidays with the kids....but it does take a total revamp of ones expectations.

I wouldn't be so hard on the OP - its her first kick at the can. Going on holiday with kids is nothing like those pre-children vacations. It can be a bit of a shock to the system.

I remember the first time DH and I took DS1 on holiday. It was with some childless friends...you know, my friends who didn't start their day at 6:00am, go to bed before 10pm and spend every free moment heading off the park or entertaining their toddler in the non-childproof vacation rental. It put in sharp relief how much our lives had changed to say the least.

go camping with friends who also have kids, that helps.

stella1w Wed 10-Jul-13 22:06:15

Horrible because exhausting keeping dc2 safe.

Arcticwaffle Wed 10-Jul-13 22:01:39

Some of our best holidays have been camping (in a tent, not a campervan). When the sun shines and it all goes well it's lovely, the dc frolic merrily in streams etc looking like a grubby version of a Boden catalogue. And if it's grim and tiring or wet, at least you haven't spent a fortune, and you can just go home early.

We've had some good holidays, and some hard ones, and many that are up and down. But they've all involved quite a shift in expectations of what a holiday is from pre-dc.

WorrySighWorrySigh Wed 10-Jul-13 21:54:58

I think that the person who observed that this was OP's first family holiday has hit the nail on the head. IMO the first one is hard. You dont know what to expect and end up hoping for perfection.

Our first family holiday was camping in France when DD1 was not quite walking. I remember we said to each other 'it will be easier next year'.

And it was. And it has been each year since.

We had our last family holiday last year. This year we will be going away with just one DC. The older 2 are staying at home.

JoJoCK Wed 10-Jul-13 21:45:13

Sorry OP, have asked mumsnet to remove my last post, am way too tired and clearly not responding to you!

JoJoCK Wed 10-Jul-13 21:42:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody Wed 10-Jul-13 21:40:55

Just feel so sad at some of these posts.

My childhood was filled with domestic strife but remember my parents being totally different people as we got in the M5 and they made our holidays fantastic.

Hated the journey home as they were sad and back to normal.

Dh's parents had 5 kids and no car so went by train. Dfil was a butcher so couldn't get away till the Sunday so he brought all the luggage while dmil went down with all kids in the Saturday.

Holidays count. Kids love them. They deserve to actually.

motherinferior Wed 10-Jul-13 21:30:52

Having kids is tough enough without having to enjoy it toogrin

Fillybuster Wed 10-Jul-13 21:26:04

Cory - we never ever ever go away with other families, because we enjoy our own company and family unit. But (a bit like Carlsberg....!) if we did go away with another family, I think we'd be happy being on holiday with yours!

CocktailQueen Wed 10-Jul-13 21:23:06

I love our holidays! Sorry you had a crap time though OP.

We take it in turns to choose a day's activity (kids are 6 and 9) so we all get to choose something. We stay in self catering cottages and order a big Tesco order so we have nice food and wine, and have lunches out. The kids are old enough to get up and play with ipad, watch tv, read or play by themselves before brekky. They can also get snacks for themselves and can tell the time! Makes a big difference.

We also make sure we hire a gite with a garden where the kids can play. We do lots of free stuff too - beaches, walks, NT houses (we're members) - kids love all that and so do I

I do NOT camp and I do NOT go on hotel holidays with kids. One exception was Bedruthan Sands when dd was 1 and I adored it, Absolutely wonderful, relaxing holiday. Kids catered for, playparks and pools, kids' tea, soft play, kids' listening service at night so we could dress up and dine in peace. Loved it. Except every time we went one of us got a sick bug confused Maybe that could be an option for you, OP?

thebody Wed 10-Jul-13 21:21:16

Stella, why was it horrible? Exhausting agree but horrible?

stella1w Wed 10-Jul-13 21:17:27

I did a week with dc 5 and nearly 2 and it was horrible and exhausting, mainly because of the 2 yo. Up side is that now i don't feel bad about not taking the kids away. From now on until the 2 yo grows up a bit, it's day trips only.

thebody Wed 10-Jul-13 21:16:58

A holiday nanny?? what a bloody sad phrase.

TVTonight Wed 10-Jul-13 21:13:03

We're currently on holiday with three, aged just this month 6,4,4. It's been lovely, up and out before ten to a planned, pre-researched "activity" : today it was walking 10km down a mountain, got back mid afternoon. Funnily enough, they were all asleep by eight and we got out the prosecco.

We are self catering with space to run about. Tomorrow we're going on train to a festival. Research and planning is essential (a work colleague used plan to the extent of which bus they would get!).

For us having an extra adult, DH, has been a bonus, and he's has done his fair share. The shagging has been happening copiously grin

We are very overdue a meltdown from one or all the girls, but we'll deal with that at the time!

KatyTheCleaningLady Wed 10-Jul-13 21:10:32

This is why I'm going away by myself for a few days.

I will take each child for a weekend of "love bombing" in August. Then, in the autumn, my husband and I are going to Italy.

But there will not be a whole family holiday. Maybe a night or two camping, but never again will we go to a holiday park.

KobayashiMaru Wed 10-Jul-13 21:03:41

It's not victim blaming, fgs. hmm
If you lie down and stamp doormat on your face, people are going to walk on you. Lets not insult women by pretending we have nothing to do with how the men in our lives treat us, ok?

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