To not feel like running mother and baby group this morning

[thefuturesnotourstosee]

Obviously I will do it but AIBU to feel like NOT going.

I run a small mother and baby group for the NCT. I don't know how I ended up running it but somehow it fell to me after I'd been going for a while. I've stopped enjoying it since a woman turned up who just dominates the whole thing. She is loud, grabs toys from other babies to give to her baby, constantly critisises others (e.g. formula feeders, people who prefer pram to sling) and is generally abrubt and abrasive with the others.

Some of the mums have very tiny babies and had very difficult births and are just looking for a bit of support but though I and some of the others do our best this woman just keeps wading in with "the benefit of my experience". Most of those mums came for one week and have not come back.

Today its hot already. DS had a very bad night. I have a feeling hardly anyone will turn up and I'll be stuck with difficult mum and I don't feel like going. I will of course because I also know that there are a few people who rely on the group for support and don't get out much otherwise.

AIBU to not feel like it today?

[Emilythornesbff]

Ah YANBU.
Luckily I've never encountered anyone like that but it must be a PITA.
I'm sure the other women appreciate the group, however small.

[Otherworld]

YANBU

Running a toddler or baby group is a thankless task at the best of times (been there done that) but adding a difficult person into the mix just makes it far far worse.

Can you have a chat with Ms Loud and Abrasive?

[monkeymamma]

Yanbu to not feel like it. Could you find another mum who could help you run it? Then if you were poorly or busy one week the group doesn't have to be cancelled.

In terms of the mum whose behaviour is leeching your enthusiasm for the whole project. You can either try and temper her comments with more neutral advice of your own - eg when she slates ff then say very loudly and cheerily "well I think its a very personal choice, both options have their pros and cons" - or just deflate with jokey comments (probably what I'd do tbh). Or you can take her aside for a quiet word. Maybe she is struggling herself but masks it with aggression?

[mrsjay]

do you have an NCT support you could cal on to see if they have anybody else to run it with you ? and TBH are you able to take this woman aside and tell her to shut it ask her to be a bit more tactful your toddler group is inclusive and you cant tolerate her banging on about feeding choices,

[thefuturesnotourstosee]

Thank you.

I did have someone helping me until a couple of weeks back but she had to go back to work. I won't be doing it myself past the end of summer as I go back in September so am just hanging on in there now trying to deal with it.

I have tried to talk to Mrs. difficult but she just waves it all to one side. For example I took her aside last week and said "X has had a really diffiuclt time and she's upset about not being able to breastfeed so we need to be really supportive to her". Two minutes later she marched up to X who was feeding her baby and said "that's so artificial its not too late to try breastfeding you know". On another occassion she told a lady who was rocking her baby to sleep in her pram "just get a sling baby just wants to be close to mummy I've had 4 children I know all about it". Another lovely mum was kindly informed that formula lowers IQ!!! Those are just examples which the rest of the group did counter with other comments but its so tiring and I worry what she'll come out with next.

Grrrrr winding me up just thinking about her

[mrsjay]

you can ask her to leave you know would you be up for that she is upsetting the group and probably being rude and tactless on purpose she sounds mean

[LillyofWinchester]

I think I'd ask her to leave too, she sounds nasty. Can you speak to someone in NCT for advice? Perhaps give her a warning and say there have been complaints about her comments.

[BuntyPenfold]

I think I know her or her identical twin.

You can't change her. It won't work.

Will anyone support you in asking her to leave?

[DameFanny]

Ask her to leave - she knows everything so she's not there for the support - ask her why she bothers to come and tell her if she doesn't shutup she's out on her ear

[thefuturesnotourstosee]

Miaow you must think I'm bl**dy stupid. Sorry but you must. The mum in question had been talking about it in front of the whole group. I took Mrs. Difficult to one side to the next week to remind her what had already been said because I knew how insensitive she could be. Obviously I wouldn't break confidentiality Sorry I didnt make that clear in the OP

I'm not just standing by and allowing it and I have been countering her comments. This morning she made another rude remark, I took her to one side again told her she was really upsetting people and that she should either think before she opens her mouth or leave and come back when she's ready to be nicer to people. She left but not before condemning my dreadful parenting in loud tones to the whole group and saying she was going to complain formally to the NCT. Apparantlly I'm poisioning my baby by having fed him a jar or two and he'll forever have skin complaints because I like nearly everyone else in the group use disposable nappies.

So she's gone. Maybe now I can start enjoying running the group again. The rest of the group seemed quite pleased too

Rght now I'm just hot and irritable so sorry if I'm sounding that way

[mrsjay]

good for you I can imagine her very angry fist shaking Email to NCT or look out for a thread very soon

[YummyYummyYum]

I EBF and used sling when baby wasn't too heavy after a EMCS. And I would tell that woman to fuck off. She sounds like someone I met at work. Find a way to kick her out of the group. The other mothers do not deserve any stupid comments.

[MothershipG]

Glad the hot weather made you irritable enough to tell this woman to sling her hook!

Seriously, well done, I'm surprised the rest of the group didn't give you a lap of honour in a sling on their shoulders!

[YummyYummyYum]

Just read your update, I am glad you got rid of her.