To think not all men watch porn...?

(122 Posts)
MrsWolowitz Sat 06-Jul-13 18:22:04

I was chatting with some colleagues (makes and females) a few days ago when the topic of poem came up.

They were talking about watching it and what sort they liked. I said DH doesn't like porn and they all thought this was hilarious and said that he is lying to me.

I'm very broad minded sexually and more adventurous than DH. I don't like porn as I don't agree with the industry however this is a new opinion of mine (since being educated about the facts of porn on MN).

When DH and I got together I didn't have any opinions on porn and would have been happy for him to watch it.

I know DH doesn't like it. He masturbates often and that is fine with me just as he is fine with me masterbating it's just that neither of us happen to like porn.

AIBU in thinking that not ALL men watch porn and that their insistence that DH is obviously lying to me is actually quite rude?

curlew Sun 07-Jul-13 10:46:33

"We are not, incidentally, po-faced killjoys."

Are you sure? <hard stare>

motherinferior Sun 07-Jul-13 14:13:42

I will decide when I have recovered from the champagne I had at lunch...

morethanpotatoprints Sun 07-Jul-13 14:31:03

If you like it then watch it, if you don't like it don't.
Lifes too short to listen to people who try and stop other peoples fun, just because they don't like a particular thing themselves.
If you feel so strongly about women in the porn industry, do something about it.
Start a campaign to save a porn star, give up a room in your house to look after one of these down trodden women grin

motherinferior Sun 07-Jul-13 14:44:23

Er...great political analysis there. Right. Just out of interest are there forms of 'other people's fun' that you would want to stop?

curlew Sun 07-Jul-13 14:49:49

"If you feel so strongly about women in the porn industry, do something about it. "

I am. One of the things I am doing about it is drawing the attention of other women on, for example, Mumsnet, to the issue.

morethanpotatoprints Sun 07-Jul-13 22:34:40

motherinferior
I wasn't aware there was a political debate, too boring for me.
No, I don't involve myself in stopping other peoples fun. As long as nobody is getting harmed then its up to them what they do, I am not the fun Police.

Curlew.
I don't think most women need to be informed about porn grin or any issues you may believe you know about.

Morloth Mon 08-Jul-13 03:18:44

Well obviously sone random on the Internet kniws more about the man I havebeen with for 20 years then i do, duh!

curlew Mon 08-Jul-13 06:23:35

Who are you and what have you done with morethanpotatoprints?

PasswordProtected Mon 08-Jul-13 08:16:21

Toyboy definitely does not, well not at home as he doesn't have internet. He dies read Playboy, though, and has tried to convince me it contains good articles about cars etc. Hmmm.

Eyesunderarock Mon 08-Jul-13 08:29:51

My DH doesn't watch porn either, though some of his art books are a bit raunchy and he's got a portfolio of life drawings he did.
Defineme's husband and mine sound similar.

He uses his computer at home in full view of the rest of us, he has no laptop or Ipad, wouldn't risk his job over it, has a basic calls/text phone, no secret stash of mags.
Her OH is younger than mine, perhaps it is a generational thing.

'he grew up at a time when porn wasn't accessible and so you used your imagination!
He's also a very clever, educated, caring man and he has mentioned how tragic he finds the idea that young vulnerable people can get caught up in such an exploitative and tragic industry.
I do think it may be harder for younger people to imagine a world without porn.'

^ ^ This.
I've given up saying that we don't use porn because so many women refuse to believe it and I can't be arsed justifying my stance.

Eyesunderarock Mon 08-Jul-13 08:34:24

I agree with this too, DomDraper
'The fact that some women (and men, of course) find this so impossible to believe says more about them, than anything else. Imagine being so ingrained into porn culture and having such a, well, low opinion of men, that you find it impossible to believe that some men do not like it'

sparechange Mon 08-Jul-13 08:58:13

Neither my ex-DH or current DP have even a passing interest in porn.
On the rare occasions I've mentioned this to friends, I've had the nudge/wink, yeah course he doesn't, or 'that's what he wants you to think' sort of answers, but they have no reason to lie to me.

In fact, I was showing DP the un-cut video to 'Blurred Lines' a few weeks ago, and he asked me to turn it off after a few minutes because he was bored by it

treaclesoda Mon 08-Jul-13 09:23:05

My DH is not interested in porn. We have been together since we were teenagers and at that time I knew his large group of friends well. Few of them were interested in porn, they saw it as a bit tragic and openly laughed at the ones who did like it. They were too busy working out how to sneak booze past their parents. But that's 20 years ago now, and I know there has been a huge change in that time, with it being seen as mainstream and acceptable, so I guess if we were 15 years younger it could all be different.

I've been informed that I'm deluded, that all men watch it, but if my DH has a secret porn habit I really can't understand how. For starters, I believe him when he says he doesn't like it. But on a practical note, he only ever accesses the computer or tablet in full view of me or the dc, we don't have a home office, so there is no sitting in a room alone. He has a laptop for work but he certainly wouldn't be using that for a porn habit! And he has a really basic phone. And he is quite reclusive, so rarely goes out with groups of male friends as its just not his thing. So if he watches porn, he must do it in the middle of the night, without waking anyone up (even though I suffer from insomnia and rarely sleep through) on a computer that I don't even know he has. Seems like a lot of effort to me...

crashdoll Mon 08-Jul-13 13:31:13

I found the judgement of someone being a "bad person" because they watch porn very odd because there are so many facets of a person. Who are you to label anyone as intrinsically good or bad? Look at the clothes you wear and the device you are typing on, there is a good chance that the person who made those items was being abused. Using a laptop does not make you a bad person, neither does watching porn. I can only assume that the posters who thinks watching porn making you a "bad person" are saints.

curlew Mon 08-Jul-13 16:51:35

Good people can do bad things. Supporting the porn industry is a bad thing.

crashdoll Mon 08-Jul-13 17:38:18

In your opinion......

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Mon 08-Jul-13 17:44:22

Add message | Report | Message poster BlameClaimProfit Sat 06-Jul-13 18:24:08
Not all men watch porn.

Some are blind.

^^
grin
I think this sums it up for me.

curlew Mon 08-Jul-13 18:33:56

Nope. Objectively a bad thing. It's an industry that depends on trafficked and abused women. And one which presents an image of women that is damaging to women in particular and society in general.

crashdoll Mon 08-Jul-13 18:37:35

So, I repeat - I assume you don't wear clothes that have been made in a factory by abused children because that would make you a hypocrite as well as a "bad person".

curlew Mon 08-Jul-13 18:38:58

I don't actually.

But I do use Apple products- and yes, that does make me a significantly worse person than I wish I was.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 08-Jul-13 18:43:26

Wait - your colleagues were discussing what porn they liked at work?

I get on with my colleagues but sexual preferences aren't usually something we discuss on our lunch hours hmm

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 08-Jul-13 19:50:01

I already said upthread, crashdoll, that maybe my priorities are wrong, and maybe ensuring I buy fair trade coffee and chocolate is more important than not wanking off to someone (without paying anything for it) that I can't be absolutely sure isn't being abused.

Maybe my priorities are fucked up.

I'm just saying that for me personally, once I became a little bit more educated around this issue, use of porn became deeply uncomfortable.

I'm not perfect by any stretch. Just for me, porn has become something I can't support, or even be that blasé about.

Other people - like yourself I guess? - really might not see the issue like that, or not care. That's fine. But by talking about it on threads like this, others become a bit more enlightened, and maybe the demand for it goes down by another one or two people. In which case, good.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now