To think my mum's "a clean child is always a neglected child" is a rather large case of bollocks?

(25 Posts)
WafflyVersatile Wed 03-Jul-13 22:40:04

It's not you. It's her.

If you let your kids play in mud all the time she'd criticise you for that because she's toxic.

Purplecatti Wed 03-Jul-13 18:52:22

Bill her for the clothes

Oh that's terrible. Reasoning with her won't work, she'll just find another thing to get at you. Does she enjoy (do ou think she does?) making you feel bad? If so, cut contact and dump her. I have a mother like that. She doesn't deserve you and is trying to make you feel bad.

Helpyourself Wed 03-Jul-13 17:26:44

sad
She sounds awful.
Not helpful, but poor you.

LouiseSmith Wed 03-Jul-13 17:22:06

Someone's been drinking the silly juice again.

Ignore her.

Your mums a real ticket, you don't need to put up with it.

My Mum was rubbish with me but is overly obsessed with making sure my dc turn out well. It has it's pros and cons.

Pros - she likes them clean, fed proper food, makes sure to check with me what they're allowed when out etc - this is all great. seeing as I was the great unwashed unfed charity shop kid

Cons - she's overly strict with toddler ds but says I'm being daft when i tell her 8 year old dd is being a nightmare confused She is forever moaning about my parenting - conflicting arguments every single time I.e ''dgs should give up his nap so he sleeps at night'' we do this eventually when we're ready to and all of a sudden it's ''dgs needs a sleep/dgs won't manage a full day without a sleep/I let dgs have 20 minutes whilst we were out'', moans I spend too much on them, nearly cried when I told her dd's school winter boots were £30 hmm to me that's a bargain if they last!

I think putting your dd's in joggy bottoms/cheap leggings and letting your mum go wild whilst you don't give a monkeys is an idea but I take it that'd just annoy her and she'd find something else to do. sad

HarumScarum Wed 03-Jul-13 14:16:11

She sounds horrible. Is there anything positive about seeing her or could you just not bother for a while?

Viviennemary Wed 03-Jul-13 14:14:36

I'd give her a wide berth. As what she is saying has no purpose except to wind you up. You need a break from her.

aldiwhore Wed 03-Jul-13 14:13:41

There's no right or wrong if you sit just off centre of the cleanometer.

I think a perfectly germ free child who can't touch dirt without some howling in the background is not a great thing. I think a child who's utterly filthy is not a great thing either.

It doesn't sound to me like you're completely obsessive, actually you sound quite normal. (Snot icicles - blurgh)

Your Mum IBU and pretty mean. She's probably jealous I think, maybe you remind her of her own failings or self doubt?

BrianTheMole Wed 03-Jul-13 14:10:17

Well some clean children are neglected and some dirty children are neglected. Its not the cleanliness part thats neglect or even the dirt, in isloation, but other stuff going on.

LilacPeony Wed 03-Jul-13 14:06:43

No one thinks that clean children are neglected. It doesn't make sense and she sounds like a right winder upper.

Sounds like she's just looking for something to criticise about you. If your kids were always filthy she'd moan about that.

Oscalito Wed 03-Jul-13 14:04:03

PS and you don't come across like a poor neurotic failure either, your mum just sounds toxic.

Your mother is messing with your head, Miaow - please don't let it get to you - though I appreciate this must be very difficult, as she sounds like a nightmare. My children are older teenagers, and the time will come when they have families of their own, and I cannot imagine doing anything but being supportive of them, and their partners.

Oh - and the next time she dumps your child in a muddy puddle, and smirks at you, dump the child straight onto her lap, dripping mud everywhere, and smirk right back!

Oscalito Wed 03-Jul-13 14:02:10

YANBU. My mum does this with junk food. Like you I'm not neurotic, I just don't think feeding a child sugar around the clock and before or instead of regular meals is a great idea. She seems to take great pleasure in stuffing him with biscuits, jelly, cake, lollies and telling me all about it. I don't care, I have different standards and it's not as if she has him that much, but like you it's the fact that it seems somewhat spiteful and undermining that bothers me.

Just remember she doesn't automatically get to see your kids if you don't want her to or if she behaves badly.

cozietoesie Wed 03-Jul-13 14:01:20

I think it might generally cheer up their week enormously, DeWe. (Once they'd stopped laughing uncontrollably.)

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 03-Jul-13 14:01:05

She is bonkers.

Do you have to spend time with her? Why?

Snoopingforsoup Wed 03-Jul-13 13:59:12

Jesus. What a cow of a mother you have.

Confront her. She's a bully by the sounds of it and most bullies crumble when confronted.

I would then put some distance between you and her for a while and let her come to you and behave in a more appropriate manner.

I'm so sad that women feel the need to treat their daughters so badly. Best wishes OP.

DeWe Wed 03-Jul-13 13:57:21

Dd1 could dive through a dung heap and come up smelling of roses. I remember going to a farm park where all the paths were that bright orange sand that gets everywhere. She was about 4-5yo. She went in wearing a white cotton dress, white socks and white sandals. She came out with a slight orange tinge to the end of her socks.
She had done everything and more that dd2 (age 1-2yo) had done, and more than most of the rest of our party had done. the rest of us were orange in most places. grin Dd2 was orange and green (from rolling in the grass-as dd1 had also done) in stripes.

I don't think SS will be at all interested in a clean child.

NatashaBee Wed 03-Jul-13 13:53:45

YANBU. Nothing wrong with teaching your kids to respect their clothes and belongings, and having specific clothes for getting dirty in. If anyone plonked my child in a muddy puddle i'd expect them to replace the clothes they ruined.

everlong Wed 03-Jul-13 13:52:39

She's a nut job.

Ignore best you can.

MiaowTheCat Wed 03-Jul-13 13:47:03

I'm terrified of social services (for various reasons) but even so - I almost want her to ring them with the accusation of child neglect... "well they're always in clean clothes, clean, well fed and it's shocking behaviour that they're so neglected really."

CadleCrap Wed 03-Jul-13 13:46:51

I think the phrase is "smile and nod".

Then plan how to remove her from your life.

She's a bitch. ltb.

More seriously though this is very provocative and nasty behaviour. How often do you see her? Could you put them in their scruff outfits for those occasions?

MiaowTheCat Wed 03-Jul-13 13:32:24

Anyone who has seen my house will know without a doubt that I am in no danger of becoming some cleanliness obsessed OCD suffer. I have two kids with a small age gap, so I DO try to keep 95% of clothes decent enough to reuse because we're bloody skint basically (I tend to keep one or two outfits for getting scruffy in - don't think that's unreasonable really). I don't do snot face icicles and I wipe faces and hands after food - not during or anything like that.

My mother, however, as part of her ongoing "poke fun at my poor neurotic failure of a daughter" campaign is determined to paint me as some vicious baby-wipe brandishing nutcase wanting to bubblewrap my kids up. She'll delight in doing things like plonking DD1 in a patch of mud to crawl back out of and grin at me pushing for a reaction and cackle with glee - again, mud doesn't bother me - but doing this utterly unnecessarily out of spite and for her own kicks (she IS a toxic bitch - I posted about her on chat the other day) is really beginning to piss me off.

Her pet one at the moment is a wail of "ooooh in my day we always viewed the clean children as neglected ones" and she is bloody well doing my nut in with it.

AIBU to give her the social services number and tell her to fucking ring it if she thinks soap and water are such a heinous case of child abuse?

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