to wonder what some people are doing on an internet forum when they're not remotely interested in having an honest discussion about anything?

(90 Posts)
Lottapianos Mon 01-Jul-13 13:41:27

I keep reading the following or similar....

'Get a life'
'Get a grip'
'Well if that's all you have to worry about.....'
'You can always switch over/don't have to watch it'
And my personal anti-favourite:
'You're overthinking it' angry

I'm not perfect - I sometimes start reading a thread and then decide I can't be arsed any more so I move on and don't leave a comment. I don't decide to tear the poster to shreds on my way out though.

Why on earth do people make these ridiculous, fatuous, completely unhelpful comments? They are just more or less polite ways of saying 'shut up and stop feeling what you're feeling'. Just because you have no empathy and can't wrap your brain around someone else's point of view doesnt mean that they are wrong and have no right to feel how they do. By all means disagree but do it honestly and put some effort into the discussion instead of just brushing people aside.

OK, that was therapeutic. Thank you for reading smile

Solari Mon 01-Jul-13 22:59:04

I do think some people post when they're convinced they're right and want to bask in the glow of being told so repeatedly (or to make a point to someone disagreeing with them).

If so, then it must come as quite a shock when it doesn't go as expected. I must admit, there are some OPs when I read it and am sure the thread will side one way, and then it does the exact opposite. shock

daisychain01 Mon 01-Jul-13 21:46:57

Hey a fellow MN, great to meet you too, Solari I hope you are enjoying your evening. This was a great thread, sat here chuckling away, its so funny! But very true!

I was going to add that I find it amazing that people post an open request for people to give their opinion about something and then hurl insults back at them when they dont get the response they want to read! I wonder what planet they are on ... "Um, well you DID ask...." Mind you if I asked for an opinion, I think I'd probably put a hard-hat on, some replies are a bit brutal :-)

Solari Mon 01-Jul-13 21:34:37

Your post made me laugh (in a good way) daisychain01 . Welcome to MN! smile

daisychain01 Mon 01-Jul-13 21:30:15

There's a great AIBU? thread at the moment talking about the Knox and Sollecito and whether its unreasonable to feel sorry for him. People are ripping lumps out of each other, handfuls of hair flying everywhere, some people know every last little detail, almost down to what colour her knickers were on the day of the trial, and I really very very nearly said "get a grip" but I just about stopped myself in time ...

then I joined this jolly conversation and thought Phew! Relief! I wont get torched!

Oh by the way I'm very new to all this and having read this thread, I bet you've all finished discussing it, had enough and all gone off down the pub.... So I'm left standing here, all on me todd, nothing left to say that hasn't been said... Oh bum... Oh well, night night.

SacreBlue Mon 01-Jul-13 21:29:20

It's hard reading sometimes but one of the things about that I like is that it reflects rl. Coming up against someone completely unmoveable happens in rl and it's fucking frustrating, on a forum you can read if you want and/or hide/report. It does tho give the opportunity to think about things that people in rl may not say to you out of politeness.

All of which says 'sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't and occasionally I realise I was being a dick/walkover when I didn't need to be'

<so waiting to use TL;DR but still at 'what if the OP is too vulnerable to hear that and not just a troll stage>

PromQueenWithin Mon 01-Jul-13 21:27:36

I simultaneously loathe with a fiery passion and think is perfectly acceptable 'you're over thinking it'

I loathe it when used to shut up someone who is talking about something complicated that the poster disagrees with (i.e. when is is said to me)

But it can have its place when used to reassure someone who has go all het up about something that is probably nothing to worry about (when it is said to somebody else)

Solari Mon 01-Jul-13 21:24:35

The one that irritates me is seeing <yawn> on a thread. Really? You decided to devote even more of your precious attention to let everyone know just how un-entertained you are?

LadyIsabellaWrotham Mon 01-Jul-13 21:16:42

However - the posters who come onto a Sleb Twaddle thread and take pride in not knowing who anybody is can sod off. Nearly as bad as the people who log into the Graun's website each week especially to read the fashion/Lost in Showbiz section and then to tell the journalist how trivial and worthless the article is.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Mon 01-Jul-13 21:13:24

I think that too Tolliver. I remember a thread from years ago where the OP was taking her (no doubt beautifully dressed and impeccable behaved DD) to school when next door neighbour came our with her brood, looked at her wistfully and said "god it must be so easy with only one". OP (not suffering from secondary infertility) was hugely offended by this offensive slur - how dare that bitch imply that getting one child up and out to school in the morning was less difficult than two/three!

It's always stuck in my mind as the paradigmatic "you're over-thinking it". Sometimes people just say the first thing that comes into their heads. Grips occasionally need to be proffered, in as nice a way as possible.

wigglesrock Mon 01-Jul-13 21:02:03

I say it in my accent - which makes James Nesbitt sound RP trained.

HighBrows Mon 01-Jul-13 20:52:05

I say it in my head in a Northern Irish accent too blush

everlong Mon 01-Jul-13 20:50:37

Nooooo malenky you plum. Not you grin

wigglesrock Mon 01-Jul-13 20:50:27

I use catch yourself on with regularity smile

wigglesrock Mon 01-Jul-13 20:49:36

But I don't come on MN for a serious discussion all the time. I dip in and out of it, have a look at threads, topics that interest me, catch up with postnatal group, have an eyeroll at baby names.

I think that it can be possible to take MN too seriously, worry too much about anonymous posters on a huge forum think.

HighBrows Mon 01-Jul-13 20:49:08

I often want to type CATCH YOURSELF ON, that's my version of get a grip. I always refrain though cos that's just unkind.

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Mon 01-Jul-13 20:46:47

Ok ... now I am going to hope I'm overthinking it because I can't tell if you mean me.

If I come across that way, I'm sorry. I honestly don't mean to be.

Surely a lot of the "get a grip" type comments are humorous? Many of the LTB one are, aren't they?

BlueSkySunnyDay Mon 01-Jul-13 20:31:27

I know when my children were very young I got incensed about everything from child parking spaces, availability of the two child trolley, positioning of fire escapes, Bacardi discontinuing the lime breezer blush

I was vastly over thinking things, I had lost the plot completely and I did "need to get out more"

Forums are about differing opinions, it would be very dull if we all came on and agreed. Unfortunately the nature of the written word, rather than spoken it comments can sometimes come across as sharp when perhaps the intention behind them is slightly humorous.

Shakey1500 Mon 01-Jul-13 20:27:37

I haven't read all the thread but FFS you really are overthinking this. First world problem isn't in it if seriously, that's all you've got to worry about. Meh. I'd really consider getting over yourself. Go to the grip shop and buy one and when you've paid for it, fuck off to the far side of fuck and upon getting there, fuck off some more.

Did I get them all in?? Did I?? <childish> wink grin

everlong Mon 01-Jul-13 20:26:41

Yep malenky it's blatantly obvious who is rude just for the hell of it.

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Mon 01-Jul-13 20:25:58

I'm sure that's true, but it just makes it more of a pity what I post is largely bollocks.

(But seriously ... someone basically pleasant and decent getting stroppy once in a while is normal. It's horrible being on sites where you're not allowed to snap and then go back the next day saying 'sorry, I was an arse', isn't it?)

I think "You are overthinking this" is appropriate in some cases. Where the OP is along the lines of "My best friend said 'Good morning' to me today, when normally she'd have said 'Hello'. Do you think this means that she's offended by something I did six months ago with this long and complicated back-story, or perhaps she secretly fancies my DH. Or maybe she thinks that I secretly fancy her DH, though I can't imagine why, although there was this one incident at a party... Now I don't know what to do. Should I text her and ask why she didn't say 'Hello' or should I go round to her house to talk about it face to face?"

Mintyy Mon 01-Jul-13 20:23:39

Russky you always have interesting things to say.

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Mon 01-Jul-13 20:22:39

Just you.

And honey

And everlong

But mainly just you. biatch

everlong Mon 01-Jul-13 20:21:52

No it's not just you limited wink

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