DS1 (DC3) will be here in 8 short weeks. DH and I have not agreed on a name. In fact we have been actively avoiding the topic and when it has been brought up it has resulted in a rather sharp rise in bad feeling on both sides.
Before i had DD1 we had 3 sequential miscarriages which really shook me up. Then when my pregnancy got past the 12 week "safe zone" they picked up some anatomical issues on the scan and i got sent for a CVS which was quite horrific. Apparently DH felt sorry for me and so when i told him my name choices he just grinned and bared it and agreed. I now know that he apparently hates DD1's name and cringes every time he hears it.
With DD2 he felt he should have free reign to name her whatever he wanted as "compensation" for DD1. I objected as i never even knew i had this apparent license with DD1's name and also, the name he wanted to give her was just bloody awful (i am synesthesic and am very sensitive to names). In the end we "negotiated" and found a name be both agreed on but it was grudging agreement and i think neither of us are particularly happy with it. He has told me he feels cheated out of naming DD2. The process was excruciating and very nearly marriage ending.
So now we come to DS1. In the discussions we have had i have told him names that i quite liked and he has attempted to veto every single one immediately. No thought or discussion, just a sharp No and then a refusal to talk about it any further. In a contemplative moment after a few ales he complained that he has not ever been able to name any of his children and feels that this time (the last time!) he should have his way.
He has a 11yo DD (my DSD) who he had no input in naming as the pregnancy was the result of an affair shortly before we were married (whole other story!) and unsurprisingly the mother wasn't really interested in his opinion when it became clear he wasn't going to jump ship.
I had no idea he didn't like DD1's name and would have offered other suggestions ( though i do LOVE her name and think it was the perfect name for her) and listened to his ideas if he had ever offered any. He never did.
would i be completely unreasonable to tell him to just suck it up and deal with the fact that he made a mistake (sweet though it was) in agreeing to DD1's name and that DSD's name is his cross to bear.
To in fact, grow the fuck up and start participating rather than sulking and just generally adding to my stress levels.
I am tempted to go as hardline as he is and just tell him what the baby will be called but i probably would be being unreasonable though it is my fucking fanjo on the line.
Apologies for the length of this post. It is epic.
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baby name wars
36 replies
EntWife · 28/06/2013 22:41
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megsmouse ·
29/06/2013 08:37
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