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AIBU?

quick survey- aibu or is DH?

45 replies

hoochycoo · 28/06/2013 21:11

When DH came home from work tonight the post was still on the hall floor. I normally pick it up and put in on the unit in the hall. I don't open his mail. I hadn't today

He had a letter from his car insurance saying they'd cancelled his insurance. He didn't know why so he rang them and they said it was because he'd missed payments, and that they'd written to him twice to tell him this. apparently he'd given them the wrong card details, which is why the payment hadn't gone through.

He went and looked for the letters on the unit in the hall. So therefore it's apparently also my fault as I picked the the letters off the floor and put them there. Apparently i should have told them they were there and noticed that he hadn't opened them. Apparently he didn't know I put mail there.

I don't drive and the car and insurance are in his name. He deals with the car stuff, I've never had anything to do with it.

Is this partially my fault too?

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currywurst3 · 28/06/2013 21:13

If he genuinely didn't know you move the mail and you don't tell him when he has post its your fault. Otherwise it's his fault.

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SodaStreamy · 28/06/2013 21:14

so is there a pile of unopened mail there?

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cherryade8 · 28/06/2013 21:15

His fault (assuming the post was visible on the unit)

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balancingfigure · 28/06/2013 21:16

You're not BU, your DP is

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hoochycoo · 28/06/2013 21:17

I pick the post up off the floor and put it on the unit in the hall. I don't tell him it's there. It's obvious, it's not a big hall, it's right by the front door. He hasn't got a pile of months of mail there so he does notice it. I've seen him opening mail plenty times. But I've never explicity said "i've put your mail on the unit in the hall, you've two letters" or similar.

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Itaintmebabeitaintmeyourlookin · 28/06/2013 21:19

He's blaming you to make himself feel better

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currywurst3 · 28/06/2013 21:20

OK his fault then. Sounds like one of those people who refuse to accept they've messed up.

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hoochycoo · 28/06/2013 21:20

THere's some unopened mail there. Letters needing redirected from previous occupant, some stuff i haven't opened as i know what it is and it's dull. Some take away menus, some packets of seeds, some toddler drawings, some baby shoes. You know the sketch eh? Always aspiring to have a beautifully working system and organised hall, but not quite there. EVER

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Crumbledwalnuts · 28/06/2013 21:20

He's a bit of an idiot I think.

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HerrenaHarridan · 28/06/2013 21:21

How long have you been putting his nail there?

He's always found it ok so far?
Yanbu

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dontyouwantmebaby · 28/06/2013 21:22

no its definitely his fault - he could (and should) have checked his bank statements and noticed that no payment had gone through for car insurance. pretty stupid of him to wait until the company had to write to him to inform him. in fact, can't believe they didn't try ringing him first when the initial payment didn't clear cos of wrong card details.

agree if he genuinely doesn't realise that you pick up his mail and leave it somewhere else in the house then he needs to be told once (once only) that is where the post is. doesn't excuse him on this occasion as he should have noticed no payment gone from his account for something as important as car insurance.

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hoochycoo · 28/06/2013 21:23

he says that i should take some responsibility as i should have known the company his car insurance was with and recognised the envelopes and realised that they were important and told him about them. To be honest, if hasn't got my name on it I don't look. He says that I should be supporting him and know what is going on

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notanyanymore · 28/06/2013 21:25

Yanbu he needs to accept he's an adult and act like one.

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dontyouwantmebaby · 28/06/2013 21:26

YANBU - definitely not

He's shifting blame to you cos he screwed up this time. Why should you have to take responsibility for his post?

I leave DPs post on his desk. Even if there's none there, he always asks if there was any! He'd get short shrift from me if he accused me of not alerting him to what envelopes looked important and what didn't!

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Hassled · 28/06/2013 21:26

He's a complete muppet who needs to start taking some personal responsibility.

There's a small hall with post on a table, and the post comes daily - of course he should have checked it, and of course you shouldn't have to point out the bleeding obvious to him.

And why didn't he notice were payments were being taken from his account? Or is that your fault too?

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UnrequitedSkink · 28/06/2013 21:26

Say, 'ok, in future I will open any mail that looks important, but can we also agree that you will start making a habit of looking at the post that is ALWAYS THERE when you get in from work?'

That way you've got it covered (while neatly pointing out that you can't be expected to shoulder all the blame.)

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dontyouwantmebaby · 28/06/2013 21:27

which envelopes I mean Blush

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grobagsforever · 28/06/2013 21:27

Supporting him in his car insurance?? GrinGrinGrinGrin Arf. Is he always this precious?

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Hassled · 28/06/2013 21:27

weren't

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ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 28/06/2013 21:27

LOL

He's at fault, 100%, and he knows it - he just doesn't like it. Tell him to stop being such a twat.

Having said that - your hall table would drive me to Wine I don't 'do' clutter!

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Montybojangles · 28/06/2013 21:28

He's being an arse. He knows he has messed up and is trying to make himself feel better by shifting blame anywhere he thinks he can.
If he has opened post before from there then he can't say he ever knew.

In future leave his mail on the doorstep!

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mrstigs · 28/06/2013 21:28

He needs to take a bit of responsibility. If you had both discussed previously to make it your job to sort out the post and let him know if a letter comes for him and you didn't then fair enough, but he can't just assume you will then complain when you don't realise his assumption.

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Emilythornesbff · 28/06/2013 21:36

YANBU
I second what itaintme said.

Has he never opened any mail since you moved to this address? He must know where it all is.

Perhaps try to disengage from the argument. You're sorry his insurance has been cancelled and you unr stand it's stressful. All he needs to do is correct the details (which HE screwed up btw Wink) with the insurance company.
Then he can have an in tray in a mutually agreed place (the hall??).
Unless he's being a total I would be tempted to avoid an argument as he's probably just a bit stressed, which frequently leads to knobbish behaviour.
But YADNBU. He is.

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CoalDustWoman · 28/06/2013 21:41

Did he tell you that he'd appointed you as his PA?

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StuntGirl · 28/06/2013 21:46

He didn't notice several payments not being taken? Doesn't he check his bank statements? (Or are they on the side in the hallway too Grin)

HIBU I think. I sometimes say "Oh you got a letter today" if I remember, as does he, but generally we just use our eyes to see any mail that has arrived.

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