After years of keeping "difficult" ; neighbour sweet, I've finally got a bit irate... long sorry.

(18 Posts)
LadyBigtoes Fri 28-Jun-13 21:00:15

I would actually be less fussed about the plants myself, it's just that it's DS's current passion. They may not be neglected! If he had is own way we'd be bringing the poor things on holiday.

stiffstink Fri 28-Jun-13 20:38:20

I am going to need to know what was in the note.

weisswusrt Fri 28-Jun-13 20:35:44

Part of me wishes you had let her have the keys just so I could read about all the fallout and odd things you think she may have done alone in your house!
I feel your pain though, I know an old man who will literally hold onto my arm if I try to leave before he's told me life story twice.

iago Fri 28-Jun-13 20:33:19

Just buy some tommies and cucumbers if your plants don't make it.

fluffyraggies Fri 28-Jun-13 20:31:28

It's exhausting having to maintain an aura of 'being too busy to stop for long' when you've got a neighbour who pops out at you every time you go outside. You have my sympathy OP.

fluffyraggies Fri 28-Jun-13 20:27:56

I hate to say it but my mother can be a bit inclined to offer to do/lend things and then make you pay for it for ages! Either by constantly referring to it for the next 5 years or by making a massive issue out of it physically. It's like being held to ransom.

Anyway - the trick is not to ask anything of people who tend to do this. No matter how much they offer. It's not worth it. Be friendly, be jolly, but stay at arms length.

I second the note idea. Drop a note in saying breezily how you've sorted the plant problem, but thanks anyway, and you'll see her soon, when you get back from you're break. Or similar. As if there never was 'an incident'.

MissBetseyTrotwood Fri 28-Jun-13 20:27:56

Mmm. Give it some time - t'will be alright.

'Calm' and 'distant' are not mutually exclusive. As I find to my advantage every day with the crack addict mum who lives opposite me.

LadyBigtoes Fri 28-Jun-13 20:24:27

I agree with you too Betsey - it's good to be on good terms with neighbours, and I have tried so hard to manage things nicely without letting her suck me in. Bah.

BlackeyedSusan Fri 28-Jun-13 20:23:12

mine survived for a week in the kitchen. pop bottle with small hole in to leak oout, or plants stood in the sink/bath.

cucumbers arre a bit tricky though. fussy buggers

MissBetseyTrotwood Fri 28-Jun-13 20:22:53

Go on holiday. Forget about it. Then take a deep breath, go round and 'apologise' and keep things sweet. My mum fell out with our neighbours when we were kids and I remember that it was an endless source of upset and annoyance for both sides of the fence.

A calm relationship with neighbours is invaluable imo, especially those of the possibly rather lonely, gimlet eyed variety. grin

Have a lovely holiday too.

LadyBigtoes Fri 28-Jun-13 20:22:53

Thanks cansu v practical tips, I will do that.

Yes I need to cool it off.

LadyBigtoes Fri 28-Jun-13 20:21:06

Trouble is she is one of those who pushes and pushes so that you have to be extraordinarily rude to get rid of her. Eg if I go in my garden she will collar me over the fence (even though we made it higher when we replaced it - which put her nose out of joint). She will ring my doorbell or collar me when I go in and out and to get rid I have to say I'm working and walk away. I would love to just ignore her but she will make it v. hard and take huge offence.

cansu Fri 28-Jun-13 20:19:15

What a pain in the ass she is ! Probably the best thing to do is either go round or post short note saying thank you but that a friend has now volunteered to take the plants at hers,but you appreciate that she was trying to be kind and helpful. Pass the whole snubbing things off by saying you were stressed about impending holiday. THEN NEVER ASK HER FOR ANYTHING AGAIN!

Roshbegosh Fri 28-Jun-13 20:17:43

Go on holiday, let the couple of plants die (shame) and keep your distance in future. Just be unavailable.

LadyBigtoes Fri 28-Jun-13 20:17:16

Tomatoes courgettes, a cucumber and a pumpkin, in scotland - do you think they will?

LadyBigtoes Fri 28-Jun-13 20:16:40

(btw plant lovers, I have made other arrangements so my tomatoes will be fine!)

MousyMouse Fri 28-Jun-13 20:16:23

yabu, tomatoes do well outside at this time of year.

LadyBigtoes Fri 28-Jun-13 20:13:22

Bit of background - we have loads of plants and we're going on holiday, so I put most of them outside, but there are a few e.g. tomatoes that need to be warm. Neighbour is a keen gardener so I asked if we could pop them in her conservatory for the week and she could water them, she said yes.

Now I knew she would want to do it and then would moan about what an imposition it was - she's like that. She's older, very doom-and-gloom about everything and kind of needy. She's desperate to be involved with my kids, to help out, to give us gifts etc but at the same time she will always moan and try to make us feel beholden to her. I try to allow this to a reasonable extent but I value my privacy and boundaries and it's a bit tricky keeping her at arm's length.

She is the ultimate busybody neighbour, always reporting anyone and everyone for parking in the wrong place, etc. If you're on the wrong side of her she can be extremely unpleasant. I know she didn't get on with previous owner of our house and a feud began in which she reported the woman to SS because her kids screamed. shock

SOOOOOOooooooo, today I went to take the plants round, there were only a few but one in particular quite large. She changed her mind and started fussing that there wasn't space for them. I was kicking myself as I should have seen it coming. Trying to keep cool I said no no it's fine, don't worry, we'll sort something out. But she started going on at me to give her the key and she would come in every day to water.

I am not having that, I don't trust her and even more important I know she would make a MASSIVE deal of what an effort she made and basically make me feel I owe her one forever. I made various excuses and said no, said I was busy (true) and had to get on. I had to really argue my way out of it as she kept persisting, upon which she started telling me to calm down angry. I finally got back inside and she started posting notes through my letterbox and going in the back garden to tell the kids to fetch me to talk to her. I sad I was too busy so effectively snubbed her.

So basically the shit has now hit the fan and I will be persona non grata. I don't care whether she likes me but I am worried about it turning nasty. Part of me feels like I should go and apologise just to keep her happy. WWYD?

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