AIBU to pull husband up on his attitude to our toddler's safety?

(98 Posts)
stretto Thu 27-Jun-13 16:15:59

I have to keep asking him to keep the kitchen and bathroom doors shut to prevent our daughter (just turned 2) from being in there unattended and endangering herself.

He gets very cross when I mention it and says that he always watches her, but he doesn't. Often when I'm having a break and he is supposedly in charge I discover him being lax about safety. Here are some examples:

1) several times he has left the kitchen door open when there are scissors and knives on the worktop.

2) He often forgets to close the safety catch on the cupboard under the sink where all the cleaning products, bleach etc are stored.

3) He went out of the room and left her to sit unattended at the table which had a candle burning inside a hurricane lamp. At least the candle was covered, but our little girl could have burnt her fingers on the glass. At the time I was running a bath for myself and he had said he would look after her, then I came back into the room and saw him leaving her unattended.

I just think it's so simple to agree to keep the kitchen and bathroom doors closed so that if someone forgets to put away knives, cleaning fluid, whatever, at least our little girl can't get in. But you'd think I was asking for some enormous and unreasonable favour, judging by the reaction I got.

notafan0fy00 Thu 27-Jun-13 16:19:50

PFB grin

Don't leave scissors and knives on the worktop and then you don't have to keep your DD out of that part of the house. Put the chemicals up somewhere high and then you don't have to rely on a cupboard latch.

And give your partner some credit - he has no vested interest in his child drinking bleach, stabbing herself with scissors or burning to death on a hurricane lamp, as so many toddlers do nowadays. He probably loves her too you know.

WizardofOs Thu 27-Jun-13 16:20:27

I think it would be easier if you had all the cleaning products in a cupboard out of reach. Had a policy of all knives and scissors being kept out of reach and also never left unattended on worktops (I am only slightly lax about this now when mine are all school age) and no candles at all while kids are milling about.

I am not trying to be patronising but just sharing the experience of having had 3 toddlers.

havingamadmoment Thu 27-Jun-13 16:21:25

I agree just put the things where she cant reach them. She will be able to open door long before she is safe to be with those things anyway.

WizardofOs Thu 27-Jun-13 16:21:29

I think we agree notafan0fy00!

stretto Thu 27-Jun-13 16:23:13

Well, I agree about keeping knives, scissors etc out of reach but he doesn't take it seriously.

ZipItShrimpy Thu 27-Jun-13 16:24:34

Far easier to have knives and scissors well out of reach at all times, no candles lit when she is about and cleaning products stored up in a high cupboard in future.

These are really things that should be done already and before you know it she will be opening all the doors in the house with ease so you have to be one step ahead. smile

WizardofOs Thu 27-Jun-13 16:25:05

With the knives and scissors you just have to remind him (sweetly) and move them. The message will sink in. If you make everything as safe as possible for her to roam you can relax a little.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 27-Jun-13 16:25:07

I agree with you stretto

If your DH is in charge of her then he shouldn't leave things out, or he should watch her.

CuriosityCola Thu 27-Jun-13 16:26:29

I agree with moving everything to a safer place.

I also sympathise with the lack of supervision. My dh and I have had countless arguments about him 'watching' ds, only for me to find ds isn't being supervised. Our main problem is that Dh sees ds as a rough and tumble boy. Not a toddler that could easily hurt himself e.g. Left unsupervised on stairs despite having two stair gates.

Sits on fence smile

ZipItShrimpy Thu 27-Jun-13 16:28:46

Link him to this site then for a wee read. children's accident prevention trust

It might make it sink in a bit more.

LastTangoInDevonshire Thu 27-Jun-13 16:29:20

OP - you are surely pulling our chains? grin

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 27-Jun-13 16:31:10

Why are some of you being so rude?

stretto Thu 27-Jun-13 16:32:04

It's so hard though. I try to say these things nicely but he gets so defensive.
He is seriously careless. He fell out of a train with her a few months ago. Usually I'm there too when he goes on trains, and I had thought he understood basic safety issues about how to disembark, but on this occasion he was on his own with her, and the buggy and our daughter crashed out of the train face first onto a hard stone platform, because he said he didn't want to trouble anyone by asking them to help him disembark.

stretto Thu 27-Jun-13 16:33:22

Thank you Jamie. And thank you Zit, for the link.
LastTango - I don't understand.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Thu 27-Jun-13 16:34:39

He fell out out of a train with her?

Who is he, Mr. Bean?

Why the hell should an adult need any help getting off a train? Am I missing something here?

ZipItShrimpy Thu 27-Jun-13 16:35:20

No problem stretto.

diddl Thu 27-Jun-13 16:36:50

Best to get into the habit of stuff being out of reach, I think.

Door closing probably fine for the moment-but it might not be that long before it isn't!

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Thu 27-Jun-13 16:37:17

YANBU - you need to talk to him when you aren't angry at him though. Ask him why he doesn't see those things as being a danger to your DD.

I would say though, you both need to get into the habit of not leaving things where she can reach them (on the counter tops etc) as you wont be able to keep her out of rooms for much longer (unless of course you have very high door handles).

The cleaning products are fine where they are as long as you both shut the cupboard.

stretto Thu 27-Jun-13 16:38:03

BirdsFellDown
He misjudged the distance between the train and the platform. There was a big gap, and if someone had held the other end of the buggy, it wouldn't have been a problem, but as it was he and buggy crashed down onto the platform. He is lovely, but goes around with his head in the clouds, and doesn't anticipate problems, hence my concern.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Thu 27-Jun-13 16:39:07

He can't get out of a train on his own with her?

Is he this incompetent in all areas of his life or only in relation to DD?

stretto Thu 27-Jun-13 16:39:57

Chipping - The cleaning products are fine where they are as long as you both shut the cupboard.

Yes, I just need to get that across to him without him taking it as a criticism.

Beatrixpotty Thu 27-Jun-13 16:42:41

I've found we both have slightly different attitudes to safety..my DH once forgot to close the safety-locked cupboard in front of the microwave and 20m old DS microwaved his mobile!So I agree,no point having safety mechanisms if you don't use them.
However,my just -2 year old can open all the safety catches anyway though and soon he will be opening the doors between rooms,my 3 year old can. I'm 99% sure he wouldn't bother eating anything he found in the cleaning cupboards and knows that ovens are hot etc so I'm not too worried.
Doors open or not though,personally I wouldn't leave lit candles or sharp knives on surfaces anyway when the DCs are around.

Tee2072 Thu 27-Jun-13 16:42:49

Honestly, either trust him to do it his way or never leave him with her.

Perhaps that's his plan, actually...

If you can't put the chemicals out of reach you need the sort of cupboard lock that shuts automatically.

Putting sharp knives etc out of the way really must become second nature too, we keep all sharp knives on a magnetic rail out of reach and scissors were always on wall hooks too. We never shut ours out of kitchen or bathroom, but were strict about keeping things out of reach. However you still need to be vigilant as it isn't long till they can drag chairs across the room to stand on, so you need to be explaining and educating them about hazards all the while.

As for candles, we just didn't use them, even now the DCs are 9 and 7 we use them very rarely, I worry more about being distracted and leaving them burning overnight than the DCs hurting themselves.

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