To want her to stop asking (and I have already asked her!)

(65 Posts)
Souredstones Thu 27-Jun-13 13:01:46

Colleague of mine has, just now, asked me for the umpteenth time when I will be announcing a new arrival. I'm not pregnant and struggling with ttc and its driving me mad.

Her justification is that I am a newly wed and its expected of me now to have another baby (desperately want one)

She's making me really angry now with her constant asking

All strategies welcome (as long as stabbing her with a pen isn't one...I'm considering that one now)

How about an eye roll and 'why are you so interested in my sex life-are you lonely?' Honestly, some people are so rude they deserve a bit of a passive aggressive slap.

mrspaddy Fri 28-Jun-13 10:21:34

I wouldn't engage in any type of personal chat with her.. I would if she had manners but she has none. We tried for a long time and apart from one friend at work who is a genuine friend I told nobody. I said... oh we are going to do a bit of travelling etc. Now I had to be very blunt with one nosey woman.. I just snapped one day and said 'Don't ask me again!!!'. I am expecting now and she is even to afraid to ask me anything. The worst thing is the nosey women went to hell and back TTC herself so you would think she would have more sense.

Just do what Imtoohecsy said, if you need too. People are too quick o remark on everyone's business.

carolthesecretary Fri 28-Jun-13 10:38:16

My friend kept asking me. Drove me bloody mad. I told her quite abruptly she would be one of the first to know the happy news. Turns out we probably can't have kids.

She now asks me if I have decided a cut off point for trying (am 42).

angry

throckenholt Fri 28-Jun-13 10:44:57

I think I would want to say : "You do realise some people don't want children, and some people can't have children ? You shouldn't make assumptions. It is not a given that a baby follows a wedding. "

I would probably just avoid her, and whinge at others about her constant questions, and wimp out of saying anything. Or snap something if she caught me when I was in a bad mood.

I hope it happens for you soon.

Pixieonthemoor Fri 28-Jun-13 10:57:14

Are you quite friendly with this colleague otherwise? If yes, I would tell her that you are ttc but it is proving difficult and her insensitive questions are really upsetting you and to please stop. If not, go with what Hecsy said. Or belt her across the chops as another poster suggested....grin

Hope it happens for you soon. flowers

bleedingheart Fri 28-Jun-13 11:04:54

I've never asked somebody this question and I don't understand those who would constantly be on at somebody like this.

As a young teen a teacher at school told me that she was unable to have children and people constantly asking her & her husband when they 'would get on with it' was like a knife in her heart. I've always had that in mind (and I would also feel weird basically asking someone if they are having sex).

I was asked it a lot as I was married for years before 'trying.' It always annoyed me and I think my answers were inadequate 'one day maybe' and 'not yet!' I think you should go with what Hecsy said. It's so rude to keep asking. I don't know what some people are thinking of!

MidniteScribbler Fri 28-Jun-13 11:13:30

"When are you having another baby?"

"We're not. Can you imagine if they grew up to be as much of an arsehole as you are?"

'I have told you to stop asking me about this. Mind your own business you rude, ignorant cunt or I will put in an official complaint about you.'

eurozammo Fri 28-Jun-13 11:18:24

"it doesn't happen easily for every one you know" <hurt look>

works fairly well at getting people to back off.

But I've ended up telling a lot of people and assume most others in my circle know through the gossip grapevine, which is fine - it stops the questions.

MortifiedAdams Fri 28-Jun-13 11:19:25

A short sharp "Fuck Off" should do.

Seriously; youve tried being nice.

mrspaddy Fri 28-Jun-13 11:21:54

midnitescribbler.. grin

WinnieFosterTether Fri 28-Jun-13 11:31:56

Can you get someone else to tell her to back off? I had to do this with a relative. She kept asking and I told her the reasons why it wasn't happening but she still asked every time we met.
In the end I told another relative to tell her she was being insensitive. For some reason, when it came from someone else, she listened and the questioning stopped.

evelynj Fri 28-Jun-13 11:32:43

What throckenholt said. Loudly & in public. She should be shamed although so many people do it & are ignorant.

Good luck

trackies Fri 28-Jun-13 11:32:51

Really annoys me wen people ask stuff like this. "are you trying for a baby?" My reply "would you like a list of our latest sex positions ? " nosey male colleague never asked again. I told another person who was hounding me that he shouldn't ask questions like that cos not all women conceive easily. I was actually few weeks preg when he asked but I was sitting next to friend who I knew was having probs.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Fri 28-Jun-13 11:38:20

Can't you just say "I don't want to discuss it" and then "I said I don't want to discuss it." if she persists? That should make your private business your own but is an entirely neutral thing to say to a colleague.

Fakebook Fri 28-Jun-13 11:40:54

Start asking her every morning if she had sex the night before.

AThingInYourLife Fri 28-Jun-13 11:43:35

Is there any chance she's struggling with TTC herself and is just dreading hearing a happy announcement from you?

I can't think of any other explanation for being so obsessed by your sex life.

People know that you just don't ask about stuff like that.

Especially not at work.

I imagine HR would not look too kindly on that kind of behaviour.

WoTmania Fri 28-Jun-13 11:48:17

I would do what hecsy said. Saying that you are ttc etc then gives her the opportunity to be faux-sympathetic and ask 'how it's going'

PorkPieandPickle Fri 28-Jun-13 11:56:23

DH and I started IVF treatment less than 2 months after getting married, and I lost count of the number of colleagues who kept asking when we'd be having children, this was when we were preparing for and going through the treatment, and afterwards in early pregnancy before we'd announced.

People who I was closer to, I just said, 'be sensible, if I had an announcement to make, I would make it wouldn't I, I wouldn't wait for someone to ask'. If I wasn't close to them, I would smile and say, 'thats a very personal question, but yes, we have a fantastic sex life, thanks for enquiring'.

Some people just do not respond to hints and need
telling bluntly. Im sorry this is happening to you, I remember how bloody hurtful and upsetting it could be some days. Good luck with TTC, I really hope that you fall lucky soon.

Mintberry Fri 28-Jun-13 12:04:31

It sounds to me like she just doesn't realise the upset she's causing. If she's never TTC or had problems trying to conceive, she probably just associates baby-making with excitement and is completely ignorant of the stress and upset it can cause!

So, I wouldn't get aggressive with her, because I don't think she means any malice. I would just go with a neutral "I don't really want to talk about it" and then change the subject, and she'll soon get the message - you won't have to go into any uncomfortable details, either. Hopefully it will make her think about it, and she won't make this mistake again to any other women in your situation!

EldritchCleavage Fri 28-Jun-13 12:08:53

My reply to a colleague who asked this was 'Why on earth would I tell you?' to which he had no answer.

Elquota Fri 28-Jun-13 12:13:47

Another vote for throckenholt's idea. If more people did this, it might reduce the number of people who persist with these thoughtless and nosy comments.

ivykaty44 Fri 28-Jun-13 12:18:37

Take out your camera phone and ask her to pose for the birdie - say thanks now I can print out the photo at home and show my children...she will wonder why and then she will ask why

Then you reply

well.... I shall tell my children that the reason they don't have a new brother or sister is due to you stressing me out so much and the gp thinks this stress is the root of the problems why I am not conceiving.

Oh and if you have any spare darts at home could you lend me some?

Owllady Fri 28-Jun-13 12:20:15

I'm with Mortified
I would say Piss off, it's none of your business and not interact with her further <harsh>

Tell her you only take it up the bum.

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