Aibu to not want to leave baby?

(54 Posts)
Drhamsterstortoise Fri 21-Jun-13 15:48:51

I have a 7 week old dd(breastfeeding).I've been invited on a work night out.aibu to not want to go.Mil says I need to 'man up' and she never felt like this with any of hers.i have an older dd and remembering feeling the same way when she was a baby.Am I overly anxious or is this normal?

Drhamsterstortoise Fri 21-Jun-13 17:15:22

Yes chippingIn and whenever I get annoyed by a comment I do try and put myself in her position and work out the intent behind it.As I said, she is fantastic with dd and I wouldn't want to change that.They have a lovely relationship and I am very grateful for that.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 21-Jun-13 17:05:37

This is, unfortunately, what generally happens when grandparents do a lot of the childcare and DP/DH's are still too firmly attached to the apron strings. You can't really blame them, I don't suppose you ever feel your kids are grown up enough to make these decisions themselves grin and feel free to give them the 'benefit' of your wisdom.

You either need to change your childcare arrangements, or just accept that by using her for childminding she gets more involved with your day to day life than you'd like. Personally, I'd rather pay for childcare outside the family myself.

However, all decisions are YOURS to make - whatever feels right for you.

If you want to go, go. If you don't want to go, don't. Frankly, I'd say it would be fair to say that 90% of Mums with 7 week old babies wouldn't want to leave them to go on a works do - unless it was something super exciting and even then.... I don't think many would want to leave them and if they did it would be for a bath & an early night - not going out!!

babybythesea Fri 21-Jun-13 16:58:13

My DD2 is 9 weeks and I haven't left her yet either. And won't be, for a while. It really isn't a hardship - I quite enjoy my baby! I did plan to pop out without her to the shops when my mum was staying but then couldn't quite bring myself to leave her, so I didn't!
She has no predictable routine though, and when she's awake she grazes rather than having one big feed, so if I was to leave her I have no way of telling in advance how much milk she'd want - I very much doubt I could express enough to keep her going for an entire evening as she feeds a LOT!
I left DD1 at four months. Way too early for me, but I had to go back to work. I expressed but couldn't express enough and she had to be topped up with formula. This brought an end to breastfeeding - I tried to keep it going but she seemed to prefer the formula and quite suddenly one night refused to bf.

Stick to your guns - if it's right for you, it's right.

Drhamsterstortoise Fri 21-Jun-13 16:57:49

Dehydrating manic-I would think she probably is well meaning but I can't always tell

Theironfistofarkus Fri 21-Jun-13 16:57:06

I have to work so have had to leave each of my DC during the day from 7 months. As a result I rarely feel a desire to go out without them in the evenings and youngest is 2 now -- they wake from time to time and it often takes a long time to get them to sleep. MIL desperate to have them over to hers or babysit etc. I don't want to do it and that is my prerogative as a Mum. It might not be what everyone wants but I value the very precious and very limited time I have with them. Do what makes you happy. Ignore MIL.

Drhamsterstortoise Fri 21-Jun-13 16:54:21

Our families are quite different I suppose.dh's family love a good 'heated debate' about everything and anything and will always voice their opinions on everything.My family on the other hand are quite sensitive!

runes Fri 21-Jun-13 16:49:46

I know hardly anyone else who bfs in real life but there are loads of us on mnet grin. Luckily my family have all been great, in laws included, but I know unsupportive family/friends can make it hard to bf for as long as you would like to. As I said though, lots of support on here if needed.

DuelingFanjo Fri 21-Jun-13 16:48:58

It sounds to me like she is trying to use the situation to gain control. You don't have to go out if you don't want to. In fact if you don't then I think you have every right to just tel MIL you are not going and so you won't need her help with the babysitting thanks very much.

DehydratingManiac Fri 21-Jun-13 16:46:12

Is she trying to help? Does she know you were depressed and think maybe that getting out there sooner might somehow help? Likewise, with your eldest going to school, does she think it might make things easier? Trying to establish if she's being well meaning about this? And getting it wrong obviously but intent is everything.

runes Fri 21-Jun-13 16:44:46

In fairness to her most people don't really get it with bf, I certainly didn't have a clue til I did it myself, but once you explain that it's not always as simple as just leaving some expressed milk she should accept your decisions and be supportive. If she keeps pushing you to do things her way then you may need to take quite a firm stance with her.

neunundneunzigluftballons Fri 21-Jun-13 16:44:44

bring her along and then we can get a second thread about it grin only joking but I found it difficult to leave my ds that early too because he was bf and all the kerfuffle involved in leaving him meant it was easier just to go to places that were happy to have him too like visiting friends and family.

DehydratingManiac Fri 21-Jun-13 16:43:57

She is telling you what you 'should' do with your 7 week old baby? I'm afraid she doesn't get a say. Of course it's merely that she wants to babysit. Not that you should be remotely concerned about smoothing waters or placating her, but if she's keen on one on one time with her grandchild, could you offer to let her come and look after the baby while you have a bath or some sleep instead? It's a fine flipping line and in reality she should be the one bending over backwards to fit round you and your decisions but unfortunately, family is tricky and keeping things amicable is one exhaustion avoided. Obviously if it's becoming a problem then it needs tackling and actually, by your dh I think.

And I disagree with the poster who said not wanting to leave a crying 2yo is precious. Again, that person's choice. I didn't leave dd until she was 3yrs old. Right for us.

Drhamsterstortoise Fri 21-Jun-13 16:38:34

Yes I think I will runes.None of my friends have children yet so it's great to have the opinions of those that have been there.Herself and dp are very close...

Drhamsterstortoise Fri 21-Jun-13 16:33:21

Runes, maybe she doesn't understand as she didn't bf hers.bf dd1 for a year.went back to work when she was 8 months and found it v hard.Mil looked after her and is brilliant with her.I suffered from depression when I went back to work -despite trying to ' man up'!!

runes Fri 21-Jun-13 16:32:16

Don't let her bully you. It's great to have family help when you want/need it, but things like feeding and when to leave your baby are up to you. Anyone putting pressure on needs to back off. Good luck, I've a feeling you might need it. If you need support to stand your ground come on here.

Squitten Fri 21-Jun-13 16:31:00

When I was BF DS2 he would also take a bottle for us so I thought great, I can leave him with DH and go out. I had not calculated how bloody engorged and sore my boobs would get and how often I had to pump out to be comfortable. It was a monumental faff - and this was far beyond 7wks!

DC3 is due in Oct and I basically won't be going anywhere without baby until s/he's weaning off me. There is one exception to that, which is a ticketed event I wouldn't miss for the world, but that's one evening.

Stop discussing everything with your MIL then she can't give an opinion!

FruminousBandersnatch Fri 21-Jun-13 16:29:58

"she questions me about it and expresses her opinion it"

To which you say "that's nice. Ooh, look at that dog!"

FruminousBandersnatch Fri 21-Jun-13 16:28:22

I would've (and have) done it but it's down to choice which is what your MIL isn't getting.

As someone else said, why is she even involved in this? Do you get to dictate when she goes out?

Drhamsterstortoise Fri 21-Jun-13 16:26:59

On it

Drhamsterstortoise Fri 21-Jun-13 16:26:36

I doubt anyone else cares tbh.I've just started to realise how involved she has become in all decisions.we are not sure yet if dd will start school in sept as she is quite young-every time I have spoken to her in the past few weeks( probably a few times a week)she questions me about it and expresses her opinion it

runes Fri 21-Jun-13 16:24:20

At 7 weeks the last thing I wanted was a night out. Ds2 is 6 months now and i still don't want to leave him smile Does your baby even take a bottle? I ebf both of mine, never bothered even trying to get ds2 to take a bottle, briefly tried with ds 1 but he wasn't having it, and tbh I couldn't be arsed expressing so I didn't really mind. What are your mil's views on bf? If she is already telling you to man up and leave your baby at 7 weeks, I foresee issues if you continue to bf to 6 months and beyond.

Norem Fri 21-Jun-13 16:19:14

Op if you don't want to go don't go smile
None of mine would have been left at that age because they fed all evening.
Don't worry a jot about what anyone else thinks .

trackies Fri 21-Jun-13 16:18:48

you are normal. Ignore your MIL. Nothing to do with her.

miffybun73 Fri 21-Jun-13 16:15:13

YANBU, I wouldn't have left mine.

Drhamsterstortoise Fri 21-Jun-13 16:13:39

And yes runes she would.If I told her I was going back to work tomorrow she'd be thrilled!

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