I generally don't know if IABU.

(56 Posts)
Marmite48 Fri 21-Jun-13 11:27:40

I live with my parents (Long story) which is not by choice. We have had our problems however for a long time it has been pleasant being here but I need to know whether IABU with this particular problem.

DS is nearly 2 and I am 34 weeks PG, Today DS has been playing up not listening, tantrums and general toddler behaviour. He took something which he knows that he shouldn't ran away and wouldn't give it back to me. I took the item from him and told him no that he is not allowed said item and he started crying, at that point my F walks in from work and I tell him 'Don't lather DS with attention as he has been naughty' DS is still crying and follows F into the other room. I hear my F praising DS and playing with him. An argument broke out between me and my F as I explained to him that if he comes in after DS has been naughty and praises him and plays with him that he will always come to him (Its as if that's what he wants) F called me a jealous mother and said that I have problems. He told me that he will never be nasty to DS (I wasn't asking this, I was asking him to not praise DS and give him loads of attention as DS generally cries and I quietly talk to him about what he has done and then things are fine).

My F doesn't listen to how I want to raise DS and goes against my requests for when he is with him.

Who is BU?

CailinDana Fri 21-Jun-13 18:55:53

Dojo - no i would (and do) try my best to keep forbidden items out of reach and if through my own oversight my ds got hold of something forbidden and ended up crying i'd not be best pleased with myself.

aldiwhore Fri 21-Jun-13 19:03:25

Marmite I think the timing was bad and your F was NBU. BUT he shouldn't undermine you.. you are allowed to remain 'cross', on the other hand, the whole world doesn't have to be cross too. Your F could have helped with a frown or an 'OH DEARY ME' look, then resumed business as usual.

Your DS is still VERY little.

I'm not going to blast you too much though, even if I think YABU, as 'forbidden' means little to a child so young, it's something that develops over time.

You sounds stressed and not in a great place, and I think you can be forgiven, it's not easy being pregnant with a small child, living with your parents in their home where both your parental rules AND yours apply AND will clash.

So I'm going to give you a bit of a break and send a very unMN hug your way.

DoJo Sat 22-Jun-13 17:05:24

CailinDana - You're very lucky then to have that option. Our house is too small (or our son is too inventive) to avoid occasionally having to stop our him from touching something he shouldn't such as the controls on the front of the dishwasher, plug sockets, the rubbish bin etc and he cries when we stop him from touching them. It's disheartening to think that I would be considered cruel for that by some on this thread.

Engelsemama Sat 22-Jun-13 17:11:56

YANBU Your DF undermined you and his comments were rude and uncalled for
. Sounds like you're living in a really difficult situation. <hugs>

TeenAndTween Sat 22-Jun-13 18:11:47

As I understand it the OP was in the middle of telling off her DS, the GF came in and the DS went off with GF in the middle of the incident?

If so, I think the OP wan't clear enough in what she said to the GF. Would have been clearer to say "GF, I'm just having a few words with DS, he'll be with you in a minute", then finish dealing with incident, then send off the GF and let GF behave as usual.

lljkk Sat 22-Jun-13 19:45:16

I'm struggling to follow this, but maybe GF was praising the boy for good behaviour to encourage that, not otherwise interfering?

Sounds like GF was trying to be nice to the boy to cheer everyone up and improve the boy's behaviour faster; maybe a clumsy effort to help make peace for everyone.

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