to ask why you stopped talking to a friend.

(233 Posts)
Chromolithograph Tue 18-Jun-13 18:35:40

I stopped talking to a friend because my DS really did n't like playing with her DS, meetings with the kids were stressful. No major drama with the grown ups, just gradually decreased our contact. Friends for a season.

Why have your friendships fallen apart?

Mandy2003 Wed 19-Jun-13 15:42:41

Because she came into my workplace and caused a nuisance. Kept it up when I asked her to be quiet. Then grabbed something off a shelf and asked me why I didn't use my staff discount to buy it then resell on eBay. In front of the Head of Retail. Then denied she'd done anything wrong.

But I am so glad I no longer speak to her. She was really toxic, constantly ringing up to whinge about bugger all, particularly when I am trying to work at home. And asking for advice and doing the opposite.

Keeps asking everyone what she can do to make it up to me. But all the suggestions (flowers, drink at pub) seem to be incompatible with her meanness and pretending to be poor.

Because her husband is a convicted sex offender (child porn... a LOT of child porn).

BoyFromTheBigBadCity Wed 19-Jun-13 16:26:45

all the girls I lived with at uni. Realistically, they weren't friendships that I would have chosen, and I wouldn't have chosen to live with them, but you had to have your contract signed by December, so have your housemates chosen by about October. I was really unwell with depression, it was a real achievement for me to manage to get out of bed. I had explained that I was unwell and getting treatment, and they had all said they would be there for me.Then they all stopped speaking to me entirely. I'd sit with them in the living room, and join in, and just be straight out blanked. That was in my third year. I lived with them in second year as well, and they just went out of their way to make a little clique within the house that I wasn't part of. Not having them in my life has made everything so much better, I'm so much happier.

SoleSource Wed 19-Jun-13 17:41:32

I'm phasing user out of my life now, trying to.

DrinaDancesInParis Wed 19-Jun-13 18:07:22

We were part of a group of friends living abroad. She was always quite hard work, lots of drama, but I liked her, she made me laugh and we'd shared this great experience that was important to me. Eventually the group split up as people moved away or back home, but we stayed in touch. A few years ago, we all travelled back for a reunion when one of us got married in the same city we'd lived in. Lots of emails back and forth about how excited she was to see me, meet my new DP, etc. Saw her at the wedding, all was normal although she was a bit sulky and complained about the food...

Then I think a couple of days after the wedding a group of us went for dinner to one of our old haunts and she was absolutely vile, to everyone- the waiters, my DP, even my friend's lovely parents who were paying for our meal! She alternated between sulkily staring out of the window and replying "nothing, I'm fine, just fine" and heaving epic sighs when we asked her what was wrong, flouncing out to yell at a waiter that it was too hot/our table was crap/the food was taking too long/whatever, making nasty comments about just about everything (the wedding dress,how long the marriage would last, people's jobs, anything) or just glaring in silence. It was so so terrible and awkward.

As soon as we left the restaurant my DP asked me why on earth everyone had fluttered around her pandering to her ridiculous jealous tantrum and told me how mortified he was at her incredible rudeness to the waiting staff. I started to make excuses for her then about half way through realised he was right and couldn't believe how we had all just sat there and let her behave that way.

I haven't spoken to her since. I'm sure she hasn't noticed though so don't feel guilty!

wamabama Wed 19-Jun-13 18:56:00

Oh. My bff right from childhood because when I had DC I realised how much of a twunt he actually was/is. I think kids act as a great shit person filter tbh.

He's just really a bit simple. V.flakey and always leaving things to the very last minute so you'd be waiting around. Just had a lot of annoying habits. And once he promised to pay for me because growing up I paid for everything and then when it came to paying for drinks he looked at me open mouthed like shock where's your money? And he believes everything he hears, gullible. So if he watches youtube videos on conspiracy theories he will believe them all, even that we don't actually get a vote in parliament, they just pretend. Oh and apparently depression doesn't exist! hmm

He also wouldn't meet me if I had my DC with me, just had 0% interest in them so I just gave up.

heritagewarrior Wed 19-Jun-13 19:00:49

Because she and her DH are the most competitive parents I've ever met, and I don't want to compete....

SugarPasteGreyhound Wed 19-Jun-13 20:25:44

Most recent friend- because she cannot cope without a man in her life. And after the third time in 6 months that she'd had to call the police to get rid of her latest bloke, I got to the point where I couldn't be bothered to go through it all. Every week she'd meet someone different and after 3 days is knowing them, she'd swear it was lobe and they'd be off looking at houses to rent. All would be well until she found them cheating, or they turned out to be arseholes, or drug users, or violent...

She seems to enjoy the drama. As terrible as it sounds, she seems quite happy to be in the centre of a shit storm and relishes the fuss and attention she gets from it. After many months of offering support it finally dawned on me that she doesn't want help or to change or to have a fresh start. She just wants an audience.

MrsRickyMartin Wed 19-Jun-13 22:45:28

1veruhungrycaterpillar Boshbosh

What's with the 'baby voice'? Another friend who I love did this, that's is the only annoying thing she has done. She said something like 'mummy, it's boring not to have toys when I'm eating'

My DS is 8 months old, I know it's best not to overstimulate him with toys when eating because he ends up eating very little making a mess and sometimes he laughs when he has food in his mouth and then coughs (he is got a cold). But I don't feel like explaining all this to everyone, maybe I am starting too early, but for me, time to eat it's not the time to play with toys.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar Thu 20-Jun-13 06:48:30

Grr. Hate baby ventriloquism

rainbowslollipops Thu 20-Jun-13 07:41:23

Because despite the fact I thought she was a great friend helping me through tough times I found out she told every man and his uncle all my problems and slagged me off in the meantime. She then tried denying it and pushing the blame to me so I said I wasn't prepared to be treated like that so ta ta.

ElizabethDarcy Sat 22-Mar-14 10:57:20

Because the talking always came from me. I initiated everything. I prefer two way friendships, where there's give not all take.

charliefoxtrot Sat 22-Mar-14 11:45:25

Because I was there for all three of them when things were tough for them, but when I was ill they couldn't be bothered. And when I lost my job and career they never once stuck up for me and instead chose to support the person who had pushed me out. I cared deeply about all three of them, but it makes me realise how they really felt about me

drudgewithagrudge Sat 22-Mar-14 14:28:51

We were best friends for 20+ years and I dropped everything to be with her when her DH unexpectedly died. Gave her years of sympathy during her very long and dramatic period of Victorian style mourning which everyone else thought was peculiar. Put up with her bitchy snobby family who looked down on me even though they came from equally humble origins.

Years later when she finally came out of mourning and met started a relationship with a new man, which is still ongoing after about 8 years, she never once introduced me to him! He is either so weird that I would laugh or she is ashamed of me. I favour the latter.

To cap it all I didn't get an invitation to either of her childrens' weddings. I had known them all their life and would love to have gone if only to the evening do's. I suppose I don't scrub up well enough.

Christmas and birthday cards only now.

Spinkle Sat 22-Mar-14 14:49:46

Because they did not respond to a letter I sent her about sending me emails instead of phoning.

Phonecalls were difficult as my ASD dd could not cope with me talking on the phone and I was too tired to phone after she went to bed cos was up at 4 am with her.

JerseySpud Sat 22-Mar-14 14:54:31

1) Because she lied to the school that my DD was bullying her DD. Even the school told her where to go

2) because we've lost contact along the way

JerseySpud Sat 22-Mar-14 14:55:20

oh and the third one?

for getting into bed with my husband when they were both drunk and trying to seduce him.

He passed out and i caught her.

HolidayCriminal Sat 22-Mar-14 14:56:47

Coz I realised she never made any effort unless she wanted something from me. hmm We still speak, iyswim, but I make very little effort now. She nattered my ear off a few months ago (she wanted a listener).

I suddenly stopped speaking to a neighbour after she encouraged her children to have a go at me. angry

QOD Sat 22-Mar-14 14:59:43

Exactly same as you op

Good move, my dd is a sensible hard working pleasant girl, hers is a lovely girl still, however, she lies, steals, has broken and entered, got drunk, been to two secret parties with police turning up, smokes weed, calls her mum a cunt and is in constant trouble at school for rudeness.

Funny that, her mum was one of those who didn't believe in people other than her and dh telling her kids off, so absolutely no respect for authority

MammaTJ Sat 22-Mar-14 15:02:54

Because they tried their best to ruin my relationship with my DD, then age 14. Because they kept talking about me behind my back (only found out afterwards). Because they were the ones who had reported me to SS, with a load of lies. Because they kept telling me how much they did for me while always asking me for favours. .......................................I could go on, but that will do for now.

MrsCR Sat 22-Mar-14 15:04:37

Because - out of the blue - she stopped trusting me and treating me like the bestie I was, and judged me by her own paranoid insecure standards, accusing me of something I would never do because I'm not that type of 'friend' and stubbornly refused to accept that she was being at all in the wrong.

Expecting me to take full responsibility and grovel for forgiveness (which I wouldn't)

Then tried to act like nothing had ever happened and 'pick up where we had left off' with no word of explanation or apology.

All this after I had stood by her through thick and thin. Straw that broke for me...

Heart. Broken. Cannot forgive.

flippinada Sat 22-Mar-14 15:10:34

Not very lighthearted but one friend I no longer speak to because she took, took and took from me until I had nothing left to give (although I partly blame myself for not putting boundaries in place).

Another friend I still speak to but we are not friends in any meaningful sense since I lent her some money I could ill afford to lose that she never bothered paying back (plus general shoddy treatment) - lesson learnt there!

ProfondoRosso Sat 22-Mar-14 15:19:44

I've never actively decided to stop talking to someone because of an argument or bad behaviour. I come from a very non-grudgy, scream and shout then make up in 10 mins type family. When me and DH had our first fight, he wouldn't talk to me or respond to calls or texts for days, regardless of my pestering. I thought that meant we were over.

But that's what his family is like. Now some of them are behaving so badly and causing poor DH so much stress and unhappiness, simply because of their own stupid pride and need to be 'right', that I can see why people cut contact. I'm tempted to say that, if they don't quit it by the time our first DC is born, then I'd rather we didn't see them. And I never thought I'd say that.

jenniferalisonphillipasue Sat 22-Mar-14 15:42:01

Because having supported her through a tough 12 months, now things are rosy I have been dropped and made to feel bottom of the pile. I don't give very easily emotionally but I treated her like I would a member of my family and I feel really hurt and let down. I haven't stopped talking to her but I will let the friendship drift. If she cared about me she might have some insight into how I am feeling and will make a bit more effort. I can't see that happening though.

ballsballsballs Sat 22-Mar-14 15:44:22

I declined her PFB's first birthday party. It was 200 miles away, and I was preparing uni work on which my whole first year would be graded.

She blocked me on FB. And I finally realised the extent of her self-obsession.

She'd stayed with us, was utterly vile to my DH and pretty much left me looking after PFB while she talked on and on and on at me about breastfeeding. As DH and I can't have kids, it's not really something I need to know. She didn't ask questions, and was never really interested in my life.

Her PFB is a beautiful child who is welcome here any time. His mother, no.

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