To be disappointed in my dp re Nigella Lawson?

(92 Posts)
GirlWiththeLionHeart Sun 16-Jun-13 20:25:06

I told my dp about what happened to Nigella Lawson via email and said how horrible and abusive her husband is and he should be arrested.

My dp's response:

'But without knowing why he grabbed her by the throat how can you judge? It is terrible but if she did something terrible for him to grab her? What if she told him she had been having an affair?'

'I'm sure they didn't sit down, order food then all of a sudden he reaches over and grabs her by the throat, if he did that's awful, but what if she really pissed him off?

'Violence is a terrible thing but sometimes it is warranted, regardless of who it comes from'

confused confused sad

I was pretty speechless tbh and still hours later I feel really upset. Of course I said you NEVER put your hands on someone, no matter what they say or do. I'm just shocked he thinks like this.

WHBU?

SBAustralia Tue 18-Jun-13 05:38:44

That's a pretty big tell...if you do something to piss him off is he going to think it completely reasonable to react with violence? Personally I would be out of there. No man is worth sticking with if he has such blasé attitudes towards violence!

ImperialBlether Mon 17-Jun-13 22:27:20

Ola, I'm not downplaying any violence at all. I think there is a qualitative difference between being choked and being slapped. I'm shocked whenever someone is choked, whether they are male or female. I think it's shocking that it's part of some people's sex lives, too.

Mimishimi Mon 17-Jun-13 22:10:07

Playful tiff? Nonsense, there were no smiles in those photos. We all saw a tearful, frightened woman. I do so hope she has the good sense to look past the money and stay the hell away from him .. permanently.

fromparistoberlin Mon 17-Jun-13 22:08:15

well, Mr Saatchi has now told it was a "playful tiff" so we have our answer, don't we ?

exactly! the bloody gall of him. ergh, poor nigella even more really

Lweji Mon 17-Jun-13 21:10:38
olathelawyer05 Mon 17-Jun-13 21:10:25

@ImperialBlether: "...I think a slap from a woman is different to choking by a man. I've never slapped anyone when I've been in a temper (or otherwise) but if I did, they wouldn't wonder whether they were going to die. Most men are stronger than most women. They might not want to get physical in order to get away but they could..."

You may think it is "different", but it is no more justifiable is it?

If relative 'strength' had anything to do with it, then we would be equally appalled if a big man slapped/choked a small man... but we rarely are. Please stop trying to play down violence perpetrated by a women.

Lweji Mon 17-Jun-13 21:05:23

Well, these days, if a man grabbed my throat, then he shouldn't be surprised to have his groin kneed, and his face elbowed, followed by a hammer punch to his face and possibly his wrist twisted behind his back.

Anyway, to your P, OP, restraining is different from grabbing a throat.

I certainly hope he reflects on the subject and changes his mind.

ParadiseChick Mon 17-Jun-13 20:59:20

I just had a look at the pictures, she looked so scared and the tears afterwards. Awful.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 17-Jun-13 20:57:06

sad

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 17-Jun-13 20:50:50

If someone had his hands around my throat, I would panic that I was going to die. I wouldn't feel strong enough to fight off a man who had his hands at my throat. I would feel absolutely vulnerable, as though my life depended on his next move

And there we have exactly the reason why its such a frequent move made by abusers

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 17-Jun-13 20:49:42

One of the most common assaults I deal with is women who have been grabbed round the throat by a partner.

Its also one of the reasons why domestic abuse kills frequently

Another name for it is strangulation.

ImperialBlether Mon 17-Jun-13 20:21:53

I think a slap from a woman is different to choking by a man. I've never slapped anyone when I've been in a temper (or otherwise) but if I did, they wouldn't wonder whether they were going to die. Most men are stronger than most women. They might not want to get physical in order to get away but they could.

If someone had his hands around my throat, I would panic that I was going to die. I wouldn't feel strong enough to fight off a man who had his hands at my throat. I would feel absolutely vulnerable, as though my life depended on his next move.

olathelawyer05 Mon 17-Jun-13 19:27:10

"But without knowing why he grabbed her by the throat how can you judge?.....Violence is a terrible thing but sometimes it is warranted, regardless of who it comes from"

These specific sentences are fair enough. You can't 'judge' unless you know the full circumstances and yes, violence may well be justified in the case of self defence/defence of others for example - not saying that's what happened in this case as I haven't seen it.

The other parts (i.e. essentially the 'examples' that he gives) are just wrong though. It is no more right for man to strangle his wife for having an affair than it is for her to slap him for having an affair. Strange thing is, people don't tend to be appalled by the latter do they? The impression I often get is that its OK for a girl to slap her guy if he has an affair.

AnyFucker Mon 17-Jun-13 17:56:00

well, Mr Saatchi has now told it was a "playful tiff" so we have our answer, don't we ?

we can stop worrying about yet another woman in a dangerous and damaging situation

< phew >

PoppyAmex Mon 17-Jun-13 16:39:27

"Well I agree with him, you can't judge a situation if you're not there. Most likely he's a violent dick but perhaps there is a more innocent explanation or unusual circumstances. You don't unless you were right next to them and you weren't."

brazen don't be so ridiculous; does that mean you don't have a position on any event you didn't personally witness? hmm

Nothing "innocent" there - there's an agression and a crying woman at the end. angry

PoppyAmex Mon 17-Jun-13 16:36:15

"I agree with your husband, we don't know the full story, and working oneself into a sheer frenzy of hatred and retribution without it, seems very dodgy to me."

ARealDame, no what's dodgy and extremely damaging is to insinuate that man's actions are in any way justifiable.

The "the full story" is a heinous criminal act committed in public and documented.

thezebrawearspurple Mon 17-Jun-13 16:29:46

Well I agree with him, you can't judge a situation if you're not there. Most likely he's a violent dick but perhaps there is a more innocent explanation or unusual circumstances. You don't unless you were right next to them and you weren't. Any situation can be taken out of context when viewed from afar. That's not a justification for anything, it's a simple fact. Your dp is right.

Normal people do not hold someone's neck repeatedly during an intense discussion in order to emphasise a point. It's entirely possible that neither CS nor NL realises that, of course.

Fakebook Mon 17-Jun-13 13:26:36

Hmm. Maybe I was wrong then.

Not sure what kind of point needs to be emphasised with throttling hmm.

Plomino Mon 17-Jun-13 13:22:53

A picture is worth a thousand words .

Worth far more than that wankers , for a start .

Ain't nothing playful about the look on her face , and WHO holds someone neck to emphasise a point ?? And I 'told' Nigella ? Really ?

RoooneyMara Mon 17-Jun-13 13:16:05

He's apparently released a statement:

'However, breaking his silence about the incident, Mr Saatchi today issued a statement in which he sought to play down the significance of the row.

“About a week ago, we were sitting outside a restaurant having an intense debate about the children, and I held Nigella’s neck repeatedly while attempting to emphasise my point,” he told the Evening Standard.

“There was no grip, it was a playful tiff. The pictures are horrific but give a far more drastic and violent impression of what took place. Nigella’s tears were because we both hate arguing, not because she had been hurt.

“We had made up by the time we were home. The paparazzi were congregated outside our house after the story broke yesterday morning, so I told Nigella to take the kids off till the dust settled.” '

hmm

Fakebook Mon 17-Jun-13 12:52:46

No I'm not saying that he's not capable of being an abusive twat. He may well be, and my first instincts told me that too. He most probably is. But I can't help ignore his age. My dad makes some horrible comments due to his dementia and I know it can completely change a persons personality. I'm in no way defending what he did either.

Fillyjonk75 Mon 17-Jun-13 12:41:40

I agree that people can change their views and society can. A lot of men (and women) hold sexist views which they don't realise are sexist until they are called on it and the point is explained to them. DH can be a bit traditional about some things. Let's say he has changed his views about quite a lot of things over the years! As have I by going on forums like this.

A lot of men who would never sexually harass women, for example, find it hard to believe the harassment women regularly receive. The Everyday Sexism project has been an eye opener for some.

fromparistoberlin Mon 17-Jun-13 12:40:33

dementia? dementia my arse

he writes books and articles, and his book came out in 2013

he ios an abusive cunt. end of

peggotty Mon 17-Jun-13 12:34:53

Why are so many people asking if it could be dementia? I've seen this in other threads. Is it so hard to believe that someone who is by all accounts, a bit of a shit, could be doing this for his own sick reasons. Dementia does not automatically make people violent, that's a misconception. Even if it is that, it's not a reason for her to put up with it.

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