To tell my DD to LTB!!!

[LEMisdisappointed]

I am fuming, well beyond that really - I have The Rage!!

Its my DD1s birthday today, she is 23. She came out with us on Friday night and was out with her friends last night. She lives with her DP of five years.

So today, her birthday, he fucks off out all day with his mates (to be fair doing an organised sport thing that he takes v seriously) leaving her on her own with a promise he will be back at 3, will take her for a meal tonight - ive just spoken to her and he was home late (i think about 6.30) and is now sleeping. No birthday present.

Fucking bastard - i am so upset, have been out with DP and DD2 today, woudl have been no problem to swing by and pick DD1 up or do something with her.

This is a deal breaker isn't it??

I want her home - we don't have room really (long story) but we can make room or she can stay at my mums (around the corner) as she actally has a bedroom there. The only problem is her work, she works near where she lives (30 miles away), has to be there at stupid o clock some mornings.

I don't know what to do to help - already said too much

[parakeet]

Stay. Out. Of. It.

[Nanny0gg]

How does your DD feel?
What does she want to do?

[antsypants]

I am guessing this isn't the first thing that had got you into this state.

YANBU to want to tell her to LTB, you would be to tell her though... All you can do is wait him out and occasionally remind her she has a place with you, and that jobs can be changed

[TallyGrenshall]

I'm guessing there is a backstory to this because this incident on it's own doesn't scream LTB to me

[ParadiseChick]

There has to be more to this

[DawnOfTheDee]

Does she think it's a deal breaker?

None of your business I'm afraid unless your DD approaches you about it and asks your advice.

[LST]

I'd keep yourself well and truley out of it.

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

Keep out of it. Issues of actual abuse aside, you need to be there for her to come to you and let off steam, or pick up the pieces if SHE decides to leave, but if you charge around telling her she needs to dump this bloke - who is a long term partner, not just some fly-by-night fling - she will only back away from you and stop telling you stuff.

[GemmaTeller]

and the rest of the story is.......

I don't think that this as an isolated incident is reason to ltb, sorry.

[HollyBerryBush]

You might be upset but is she?

Diss a partner and all you do is drive her into his arms and create a wedge in your own relationship. We've all been in relationships with wankers and we've all needed to prove to our parents we are adults and can manage situations.

Back off, nod, listen and be thereto pick up the pieces.

[YoungBritishPissArtist]

I think you need to give us the backstory, OP. This is clearly not the first time you think he's BU.

[McNewPants2013]

There must be a huge back story, I don't think a mother would encourage her child to end a 5 year relationship over a birthday.

[squeakytoy]

well from what you have posted, its hardly on a par with hitting her, or cheating on her...

[LEMisdisappointed]

squeaky - so just because he doesn't hit or hasn't cheated, its ok? Really???

Backstory? im not sure there is much of one - i think they have been having a few issues, but i thought they had sorted it out. Im just upset that she has spent the whole day on her own, expecting to be taken out and he totally has done nothing :(

You are all probably right though, i need to not get involved - difficult though.

[squeakytoy]

so she was out with you on friday, her mates last night? where was he then?

it really isnt any of your business..

[LEMisdisappointed]

HollyBerry - i am not sure if she is upset or not - just talking to her on the demon facebook. I think she is on the phone to one of her friends, i'll call her when DD2 goes to bed

[littlemisssarcastic]

What is their relationship like apart from this?

[McNewPants2013]

What kind of issues

[LEMisdisappointed]

Littlemiss - i think its ok, they do a lot of stuff separately - i THINK she is ok with that, he never goes out apart from to his sport thing, which she is loosely involved with. She goes out with her friends ALOT (too much imvho) but shes 23 and i dont see why she needs to be stuck at home like a little old lady. Lately I think there have been some issues over money (she spends it like water, but i htink he does too) I think they got round that.

I feel bad now because I told her how mad i am and that she should come home - fuck, i was just so angry. Bollocks, like you said Holly, dissing a partner is not good

[diddl]

You told her to leave because he was essentially thoughtless on her bday?

Bloody hell!

It's between them.

And maybe she doesn't care about presents now that she's an adult?

[Salmotrutta]

I think you should stay out of it too.

Ok, it's not great that he fell asleep and didnt do anything about her birthday but if you stir things up they might both resent it!

She's an adult - let her handle it.

[LEMisdisappointed]

I did, but i have retracted that now that i have calmed down i still want to string him up by the balls She has stopped talking on FB :(

[EugenesAxe]

YABU.. sorry. She must find her own way and probably will. Save your severe remonstrations against him for when they break up.

YWNBU to say moderately that what he did wasn't very kind, if she called to moan about it.

[littlemisssarcastic]

As a general rule, do you actually like your DD's DP?

Doesn't sound like it warrants her LTB tbh, unless there is more to it, he's usually unreliable or your DD is unhappy with him.

[Hassled]

Agree that you need to stay well out of it and also agree that it's bloody hard when it's your little girl who's being treated like shit by a tosser. One of the hardest things I went through with my DD - I hated her (thankfully now Ex-)DP. The plus side, though, is that she knows that you'll be there for her when she needs it, which she will.