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AIBU?

To not want DP to have a 10-man poker match at home...

19 replies

estrella79 · 16/06/2013 19:48

I've been with DP for 2 years, he moved in with me in January. I'm very houseproud, have spent a lot of time and money making the house I bought 8 years ago look and feel like a home. To say that DP is less houseproud is an understatement, but he cooks / pulls is weight in other areas, so it's not a huge issue.

Through him I made a great female friend, whose mum recently passed away. She suggested going on a girly weekend away to have something to look forward to after several months of crap for her.

DP asked if I minded him hosting a poker match at our house when I was away - the idea was to invite three friends of his whom I know. I said no problem - just don't invite people until I'm sure when we're definitely going away - date is only provisional at this point.

I speak to him today, a week on from this and find out that not only has he steamed ahead and already invited people on the provisional date, but he has invited 10 blokes, 7 of whom I have never met or even heard of!

I have to admit that the thought of people I don't know in my home when I am away makes me feel really uncomfortable. DP said that I should trust his judgment and it's not that I think he would invite anyone "dodgy", it's just the thought of so many strangers amongst my personal possessions that makes me feel really uneasy. I'm trying my best to see it as "our" home and let him get on with it without my interference, but I know I'm going to feel awkward about this the entire time I'm away! AIBU?

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ParadiseChick · 16/06/2013 19:51

In a word yes.

He's not your nineteen year old son. He's your partner, you're equal.

You live together, he has everything to entertain in his home.

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EleanorHandbasket · 16/06/2013 19:52

Massively so, sorry.

It's his home too.

Unless you think he's going to be having a house wrecking, Hangover-style piss up (and if you think that I'd have to question why you've moved in with him), then fgs you do need to unclench about this.

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IsotopeMe · 16/06/2013 19:54

Yabu. it is both of your house as a couple.

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NatashaBee · 16/06/2013 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

parakeet · 16/06/2013 19:56

It's his home too - now. You made that decision when you agreed he could move in with you. Do you want him to feel like a lodger? This would be a deal breaker if I were him.

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stealthsquiggle · 16/06/2013 19:56

YABU. Either it is his home or I isn't.

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ilovesooty · 16/06/2013 20:01

Another who thinks YABU, sorry. It's his home too.

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AintNobodyHereButUsKittens · 16/06/2013 20:05

YABU. Seriously. How would you feel if the situations were reversed and he said you couldn't invite your friends to your home? The LTBs would be flying like confetti.

The jumping the gun on the date isn't great, but not a huge deal.

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complexnumber · 16/06/2013 20:05

Can you play poker with 10 people?

(Genuine question, never really played before)

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ghayes · 16/06/2013 20:11

Wouldn't you run out of cards? At least if you play texas hold em. There's only 52 cards in a deck. Unless you use 2 decks. I don't know how that would work.

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ParadiseChick · 16/06/2013 20:15

You could do hold `em in a couple of groups in a tournament kind of way.

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livinginwonderland · 16/06/2013 20:15

YABU. You let him move in, so it's just as much his home as it is yours.

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estrella79 · 16/06/2013 20:15

Complexnumber - Apparently you can play poker with 10 people. I only learned that from him tonight myself as I've never played before either (I assumed it was fewer, which was why I wasn't remotely bothered by this gathering before)

I don't want to be unreasonable and haven't said anything to him about my feelings of unease. I know it's his home too - he pays half the bills, etc, he's no cocklodger. I guess it still feels more like my home though as he moved in with no furniture / very few personal possessions (he was renting before).

There will be hangover style drinking - the getting drunk itself doesn't bother me - it's more the potential glass breakages / drink spillages / my stuff getting ruined as a consequence of that. I know I'm probably over thinking things, I'm just not used to living with someone!!!

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estrella79 · 16/06/2013 20:16

10 is the max - that's why he has a 10 person poker table.

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cantdoalgebra · 16/06/2013 20:42

YNBU - I would be deeply uncomfortable with this too, even if I was in the house and even if he contributed to the mortgage. As it is, it is your house, he is not your husband, you have only lived together for a few months, and he is inviting people you do not know in in what is a slightly odd situation. A 10 person (not friends) poker match? That would be a deal breaker for me. What is going on?

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cantdoalgebra · 16/06/2013 20:44

Sorry, I mean YANBU.

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whistleahappytune · 16/06/2013 20:48

YABU. Is he your partner? Or your child?

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Bue · 16/06/2013 20:48

How would you feel if it were reversed? If you had moved into DP's house with few possessions and he wouldn't let you have 10 friends over while he was away? I think you'd feel seriously miffed, and rightly so!

Can't you have an adult discussion with him and make it clear you expect no breakage of your stuff and a full clean-up afterwards? If those criteria are met, I can't even see how this affects you!

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mayorquimby · 16/06/2013 21:07

Completely unreasonable

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