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To think he's got no right to be annoyed about this?

(33 Posts)

I came into a bit of money a couple of months ago through my grandmother. Dh has repeatedly said, its my money, i can spend it on what i like. Its still in my account and i haven't put it in the savings.

The camera broke last week, so i have used some of my money to replace it, we use the camera a lot, and i've spent the week researching and looking at reviews, picked the one i wanted, found the best deal and ordered it.

DH told me last night he 'isnt happy' that i didnt discuss it with him first, or at how much it cost (75 quid which was camera, case and sd card plus postage) and that i didnt give him chance to look on ebay for a better deal

hmm wtf?

Since when did 'its your money, spend it on what you want' turn into me needing to discuss buying a camera with him?

The camera that broke wasn't 'ours' it was actually mine, my brother gave it to me when dh and i were temp seperated a few years ago. So i have replaced my property out of my money. I'm not an idiot, i know how to find a good deal.

AIBU to tell him to STFU and that he's no place being annoyed with me, i'm an adult, it was a personal purhase and i dont need his permission.

LondonMan Sun 16-Jun-13 12:21:24

My guess is that he thinks he is better than you at researching gadgets.

Engelsemama Sun 16-Jun-13 12:43:30

My Ex-boyf went really funny with me because I bought a digital camera without asking him discussing what was best or researching online for the best deal. I still have no idea why - it was a camera for ME (he already had his own) bought with my own money. He was a bit obsessed with getting a good deal though and couldn't comprehend that I could not be arsed to search around for the best price.

I think if it was soemthing joint that you both use and look at everyday (like a pushchair, sofa or TV) then decisions should be made together, but when it's something that belongs to you, bought with your money, it's just controlfreakery to get annoyed.

Shelby2010 Sun 16-Jun-13 13:10:16

Actually I'm going to side with DH on this one. If this wasn't an impulse purchase, as your camera broke last week, then what would have been wrong with casually saying to DH 'I'm going to spend some of my money on a new camera'. If he then tried to dissuade you from the one you wanted, then use the 'Its my money & I want this one' line.

I'm not saying you needed to ask his permission, but assuming you live together I cant see why this didn't natuarally come up in conversation at some point. Maybe it's the poor communication that's actually bothering him.

lecce Sun 16-Jun-13 13:10:20

Actually, I think you may be BU a little. From the information you have given, it doesn't seem to me that he is annoyed that you spent that amount of money on yourself, more that a jointly-used item has been replaced without his having had any input at all.

I can see his point - if dh and I had a camera that we both used a lot and then he bought a new one, I might be upset that I hadn't had any involvement in the purchase. (I wouldn't feel like that at all, but I can well imagine that some people would!) It is a little patronising of him to imply that you are incapable of finding a good deal, but maybe that isn't his real beef and he just wanted a say in the new camera.

I know you say you received the camera while you were separated, but I find that statement very UR, actually. Dh and I have a lot of stuff that we have had since before we were together, and that stuff is now 'ours', if it is an item that is jointly used. I think it's a bit, I don't know, odd, that you see the camera as yours, despite the fact that you both use it a lot and you are married.

Also, you do seem a bit aggressive in your posts - lots of talk of telling him to 'STFU' etc, seems a little out of proportion to what has happened.

I did shelby, i told him i would be looking into replacing it.

lecce, some things may become shared, my camera is not one of them, just because i allow him to use it, doesn't make it shared property, it was my camera, end of discussion.

I may seem 'aggressive' because i dont appreciate being reprimanded like a child over choosing to spend my money on something of mine that broke, i feel patronised and i'm not going to be nice about telling him where to get off.

mrsjay Sun 16-Jun-13 15:26:49

would he say the same thing if you bought a new mobile phone or a toaster for the kitchen does he think he should do like my DH and research for weeks a few days on gadgety things It is a camera not a new car it is your money there is nothing to discuss you bought a new camera I am not sure what he is going on about,

sameoldIggi Sun 16-Jun-13 16:44:43

What Londonman said.
Your dh is the maaaan, and as such only he can research technology and make suitable purchases.
As for it being a joint possession, surely items such as mobiles, cameras, ipods tend to remain the property of one of you, unless you had a "let's buy an ipad for Xmas" type convo.

trice Sun 16-Jun-13 16:53:27

My Dh loves buying techy toys and spends many happy hours researching each purchase. I am not bothered. So I would ask Dh to buy my camera to a certain budget, just because I know he would enjoy it and I don't care.

If he made a comment about anything I had already bought however I would tell him to go sit on a thistle. I am a grown up and am capable of making my own purchases without asking permission.

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