To think that I am NOT in the wrong ('he said, she said' type of thing)

(68 Posts)
dufflefluffle Fri 14-Jun-13 09:58:52

Yesterday was hectic. Visitors arriving and I was ferrying them to and from the train station all day (or so it felt) then I cooked two separate dinners, chatted and entertained (all ages from 3 up) and cleaned up. I said to DH I'm off to bed now (he came in during dinner, sat down and ate, went out for a while then came back and watched tv) and went upstairs. I popped back downstairs to put laundry in the machine and while I was doing so he jumped up saying I'm off to bed, you lock up (not a big deal: just checking all doors, turning off lights but I hate doing it at the best of times). I said: No, you do it - I've already gone to bed. He got right in my face and said "F* you several times, I F***ing hate you" and has not spoken to me since. I know he thinks that I am in the wrong and that I should apologise and he will keep this cold war going, visitors here for w'end so this could be difficult. Do I swallow my stubborness and say sorry or do I stick to ignoring him right back. I think his reaction was very extreme.

Dontinvolveme Fri 14-Jun-13 10:00:47

Wow. Is he always like that? I'd be horrified if DP reacted like that to me, in fact I don't think I could be with someone who spoke to me in that way.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Fri 14-Jun-13 10:01:18

Don't think you can keep up a cold war while visitors are present.

However, once the visitors have gone, I'd be kicking your DH out of the house permanently for being a) a lazy bastard and b) an abusive fuckwit.

He's a dick!!

Say sorry for what??

Seriously!!!! What would you be apologising for??

Dick!!

peeriebear Fri 14-Jun-13 10:05:07

He sounds hideous. If my H spoke to me like that I'd think he had had a mental breakdown of some sort. Because he's not a shit.

ImagineJL Fri 14-Jun-13 10:05:28

Wow I wouldn't live with someone who spoke to me like that. And surely if he hates you then you have some fairly significant marital problems, going beyond who locks the door at night.

peeriebear Fri 14-Jun-13 10:05:32

Oh and... DO NOT APOLOGISE!

What are you apologising for?

aFishCalledWanda Fri 14-Jun-13 10:08:25

His reaction is totally disproportionate to the situation. What he said and the aggressive manner in which he said it is totally abusive. Is he always like that? shock

redskyatnight Fri 14-Jun-13 10:10:38

You asking him to lock up in a pleasant way did not provoke that reaction (or at least I hope it didn't or you have big problems with DH). So what did cause the reaction? Was this the last straw in a long running dispute? Or something else going on in DH's life?

Of course it's not ok for him to talk to you like that, but I do think the why he did it is important.

Tallulahmae Fri 14-Jun-13 10:13:15

Nope I would not apologise - you are the one who should be waiting for an apology. Nothing in the world would make me apologise in that situation, are they your guests, his or mutual?

thebody Fri 14-Jun-13 10:16:32

He sounds a vile abusive bully op. why are you with him?

Hullygully Fri 14-Jun-13 10:17:58

Do you live in Stepford?

lottiegarbanzo Fri 14-Jun-13 10:18:46

What on earth would you be apologising for? Existing? Not being his personal slave? Telling him to do something, is that the problem?

He does sound like someone having a breakdown. That level of anger and hostility is not normal. At best, he sounds like a teenager having a strop with his parents.

Why would you choose to live with someone who says he hates you?

HooverFairy Fri 14-Jun-13 10:20:03

Apologise? For what? He sounds awful, let him keep up the sulk in front of your visitors he'll only be showing himself up.

Seriously, is this a usual reaction from him? "I f***ing hate you"??? I'd be considering more than just if I should apologise or not, like whether he's going to live with friends or parents. NEVER put up with being spoken to like that, it's abuse and you (and he) need to recognise that. If it was a one off then perhaps this is a bit extreme but you seem to think this is normal and it's really not.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 14-Jun-13 10:23:10

Actually, I would be tempted to relate it, calmly, step by step, to your visitors, in a tone of bemusement. If anything approaching normal people, they will be incredulous. This would publicly shift the onus onto him to calm down, apologise and behave in an acceptable manner.

MrsOakenshield Fri 14-Jun-13 10:25:02

is he usually like that? Because that's awful.

Why on earth would you apologise? confused

Does he always speak to you like shit off his shoe? He sounds like a lazy abusive arsehole. Sorry OP.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 14-Jun-13 10:28:31

Has he done that before?

Don't you even think of apologising!

PeppermintPasty Fri 14-Jun-13 10:32:15

Good god, how often does he talk to you like that? All because you asked him to lock up!

You are not the problem here OP.

Tell us more, where the hell does "fuck off, I fucking hate you" come from?

lottiegarbanzo Fri 14-Jun-13 10:32:58

It would help make sense of this if you could explain what you think his 'side' of this is. How would he explain feeling hard done by and justified in shouting at you and in expecting as apology?

Either there's something major missing from your OP, or I can't understand why you're asking the question. Can you explain?

(Though shouting at you like that is never acceptable, however justifiably aggrieved he might feel).

waterlego Fri 14-Jun-13 10:35:49

WTF? Does he often speak to you like that?

I would be devastated if my OH spoke to me like that. Like other posters, I would think he was having some sort of crisis or breakdown and would get him to seek immediate help.

Are you ok? sad

waterlego Fri 14-Jun-13 10:38:03

And no, please don't apologise. How would that go?
'I apologise that you verbally abused me in an aggressive way'

Does he normally speak to you this way? If so what the fuck are you doing with him? Hell would freeze over before I apologised, and I'd explain quietly to guests what had happened & what he'd said.

ShabbyButNotChic Fri 14-Jun-13 10:43:28

Wow. If my partner ever got in my face, swore at me and told me he hated me, my response would simply be 'why are you here then? Dont let the door hit you in the arse!'
Why would you let someone speak to you that way?! The only apology you have to make is to yourself for putting up with that shit...

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