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AIBU?

To want to give my bill a few choice words?

18 replies

plainjaney · 26/05/2013 22:38

Apologies if this is long, and I won't be able to return to it until tomorrow but I do appreciate some input.

A little background, my bil is a prat in general, he's like a big child for the most part, drinks to much, sulks like a five year old if he can't get his way with sil. They never had children of their own.
He stopped speaking to me a while ago after I deleted him from my Facebook, I got fed up of him posting racist nonsense so he went. This has been no loss whatsoever, sil and bil don't live locally so we only see them a few times a year.

My dd adores sil so when she's over and staying with my parents in law she spends a lot of time with her. Dd is 15 and has many health issues which have resulted in her being very socially anxious. She's an amazing girl though, she loves books and comics and is a general geek.

Today sil and bil took her to tesco with them while they picked a few things up, dd had some money of her own and found a reduced hobbit lego set in the toy aisle. She has collected a couple of these and has her own money so she excitedly picked it up and called me to tell me all about it. All I could hear in the background was bil berating her. He was telling her how she was nearly 16, she shouldn't be buying toys, her friends would laugh at her etc etc. I could hear her voice cracking as she got more and more upset and in the end I told her that he was talking nonsense and if that's what she wanted to spend her money on then why the hell not.

What has really really wound me up though is this is the same 42 year old man who spent all of yesterday afternoon shooting a bb gun at targets in the in laws garden. The same one that flies little toy helicopters around the house and buys big track toys to play with from boot sales. I want to say "how bloody dare you speak to her like that". Other half isn't impressed either.

Am I being unreasonable to think that if a kid wants to buy herself a bit of Lego based on a movie she adores as a collector piece for display them it's nobody else bloody business?

Sorry that was long. I'm still dining and wanted to get it down.

OP posts:

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plainjaney · 26/05/2013 22:41

Grrr auto correct!
Dinning = fuming lol

OP posts:

NotYoMomma · 26/05/2013 22:45

I have a collection of action figures and toys and I love them. I'm 28

Yanbu and he is

a hypocrite
And
a sad old git

As your dd gets older its these little joys and passions which will make her individual and happy and she should be allowed to enjoy what she enjoys.

Dh was DELIGHTED when we had children that he could get all his Lego out lol.

Doodledumdums · 26/05/2013 22:47

That is horrible, your poor DD. He sounds like a bully. I definitely think that you are more than entitled to have words with him about it, it doesn't matter whether she is 6, 16 or 26, it is up to her what she buys with her money, and she should not be bullied about it.

I hope your DD is okay

plainjaney · 26/05/2013 22:49

Thank you. She is ok, her confidence had been so low of late I could have done without her going through that.

I've promised her that tomorrow afternoon we'll have some girly time and I'll help her make up the lego.

If bil is still at the in laws when I go and pick dd up I think words will almost certainly be had.

OP posts:

samithesausage · 27/05/2013 01:58

I thought lego has no upper age limit. On facebook I know several 30 somethings who collect/play with lego. (Tip: lego advent calendar for xmas ;) )

Bil is being an arse.
I don't like BB guns at all btw.

ComposHat · 27/05/2013 02:14

What a horrible thing to do.

What an insensitive idiot and utter hypocrite.

DoJo · 27/05/2013 09:07

He sounds like a twat - perhaps it's time to sit your daughter down for the talk about how some people are complete non-entities and try to make themselves feel better about their pathetic little lives by projecting their insecurities on others. He shouldn't behave like this but it sounds like it will be easier to explain to her than to make him stop.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 27/05/2013 09:16

YANBU to give him what for he sounds a cunt- a hypocritical cunt.

DontmindifIdo · 27/05/2013 09:22

Yep, your DD is old enough to have DoJos chat, she needs to understand the world if full of inadequate people who make themselves feel better by making other people feel like shit.

ThisWayForCrazy · 27/05/2013 09:27

Do we have the same BIL? That is the type of thing he would say.

I have taught my (almost) 16 year old to say things like "Now that's not a very nice thing to say, is it?" And "There isn't any need to be like that now, is the?" And "Whilst I appreciate you expressing your opinion, it is just that. So I'll listen and then make my own decision"

He doesn't do it half as much now as otherwise he just comes across publicly as a twat.

ilovecolinfirth · 27/05/2013 09:28

As a secondary school teacher, a child like your daughter w

ilovecolinfirth · 27/05/2013 09:30

Sorry... Blooming I phone!

A child like your daughter would be so much more interesting than the superficial girls obsessed with celebs. I think it's great she has interests like that.

He's an idiot and your daughter is much better than him.

Hugs for your daughter! X

fuzzpig · 27/05/2013 09:32

He's a nasty nasty man. Even if he wasn't a hypocrite, and he didn't like the BB guns etc, he would still be a nasty nasty man, because you don't take the piss out of your niece and make them cry FFS. Twat.

We got DH a Lego LOTR set for his 45th birthday that is proudly displayed on our piano. Also he got a model plane and a set of all 11 Doctor (as in Who) figures in his Xmas stocking. DSD got a poseable Spock because of a favourite big bang theory episode. And so on.

Your DD sounds lovely and I wouldn't expose her to BIL's nastiness any more. You have a good, concrete reason to say NO now.

ilovecolinfirth · 27/05/2013 09:32

Thiswayforcrazy has some good tips. He needs telling and if your daughter can get the confidence it would be mired effective coming from her, and also empowering. X

ThisWayForCrazy · 27/05/2013 09:36

Ilivecolinfirth, it IS empowering. This man had made my life a misery from the age of 11. Every time I saw him he would be so awful to me about a number of things. I was a child. I did a course with work and this came up and I took their advice on board. When he started doing it with my sonI encouraged him to use this technique and it empowered him too. My son has a mental disability and can get very upset about things. Now he just thinks the man is a pile of wank, but is always nice to his face haha

plainjaney · 27/05/2013 14:04

Well, went to collect DD this morning from Mum In Law and he'd already gone
We had a bit of a chat as Dojo suggested and DD seems happier. We've spent a fun hour building lego together, chatting and eating chocolate. Lego is now proudly displayed on her shelf and she's happily planning which set to save for next.

Over the years he's wound me up with his behaviour towards me, but I've taken to ignoring him as has my OH, obviously because I'm not biting anymore he's decided DD is worth a shot. Believe me if she wasn't as close to her Aunt as she is she wouldn't be near the man.

I'm exceptionally proud of DD, she's been through so much over the last few years without complaint, she's a bright, articulate young lady and if she'd rather spend her money on books, comics and collectibles than fake tan and short skirts then good for her.

Thanks again all.
x

OP posts:

Calabria · 27/05/2013 16:05

I have to move half the Lego from the cupboard under the stairs when the meter reader comes. 99% of the boxes of Lego are mine.

I am 51 years old. Some of it I've had for nearly 30 years, some of it I got this last Christmas.

I feel a Lego related name change may be in order.

YANBU and your daughter sounds lovely.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 27/05/2013 16:12

DH wanted Lego for his birthday - he was 32. I treated him to a Lego truck and he loved it. I spent a few happy hours playing with Lego I was given as a child (was in storage until my kids were 4 years old) whilst recovering from an operation.. I am 28.
My kids got loads of Lego for Christmas, and I think me and DH were more excited than the kids. Both DH and I have good grown up jobs, and find lego helps with the stress.
Lego is cool - Fact!

Your BIL was out of order commenting on what she was buying, especially as she was paying for it herself.

Glad you have had a fun afternoon with your DD

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