I wanted to breast feed. I planned to breast feed. I tried to breast feed. DD (11w old now) wasn't a fan, screamed blue murder every time we tried, never once latched on. I paid three separate lactation consultants and tried to take all their advice. My nipples are flat and that didn't help. DD gnawed as them and cracked them every time she tried to latch and they were in danger of getting infected. I expressed colostrum into a tiny syringe for hours after my c section and then I pumped for three weeks as often as I could. I never got supply up properly because I couldn't pump as advised ten times a day, I didn't know how to do that and be with DD at the same time IYSWIM, I couldn't hold her/comfort her while pumping and DH couldn't take more paternity leave than allowed so he could be home to take care of her while I pumped.
Today a fellow new mother asked me if I had not breastfed because it 'didn't fit in with your lifestyle'.
She probably meant no harm and I know she herself went to impressive lengths to establish breastfeding. She is a bit on the smug side in general but I don't actually think she was trying to make me feel small.
But I have been down all day ever since.
I am wondering if I did give up too easily.
I chose to prioritise my mental health (have suffered depression in the past) as the whole thing was getting me very stressed plus I was skipping sleep to try to pump and therefore not having the energy to bond with DD the way I wanted.
I thought at the time it was the right decision but today that question made me feel shit.
I dd feel guilty when I stopped but I told myself (which is true!!) that important though bfing is, to me it was not a be all and end all, I feel I have other things to offer DD even if my breasts were useless to her :(
I am generally very hard on myself though and so now I can't shake the thought that I stopped too soon and too easily just because it wasn't working out as easily as I wanted.
It wasn't remotely because I wanted to drink coffee and booze etc which is what that comment made me feel.
Ugh. Why am I doubting myself now?!?
Oh and what should I have said to her? I just kind of mumbled something about it not working out.
AIBU to feel rubbish and slightly ashamed for not finding more ways to try to make it work?
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AIBU?
Ainu to be a bit upset by this comment and to think maybe I gave up attempting to breast feed too easily?
135 replies
emeraldgirl1 · 26/05/2013 21:47
OP posts:
SuffolkNWhat ·
26/05/2013 21:50
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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