to be hurt and feel like SHIT ( --fucking-- --pissing-- facebook related)

(122 Posts)
MoodyDidIt Sun 26-May-13 19:57:35

the other day invited my good friend (well thought she was anyway) and her dh and dcs for a bbq this evening

she said she would let me know as she was going out friday and saturday night, so, fair enough

but for one, she hasn't even bothered to let me know

and for 2, she has tagged herself at ANOTHER friends house "having a bbq and a few drinks with good friends"

obviously got a better offer then. ouch. really gutted

really upset

MulberryJane Tue 28-May-13 10:07:44

What a horrible friend! Fair enough if she couldn't invite you to the other get together but if she was bothered then she would have said something. How rude. I'd definitely confront her on this but perhaps do it either in person or text rather than Facebook as that would allow others to join in. As ridiculous as Facebook can be, it can't really be blamed for this. In fact, it's showing you the true colours of your 'friend', ditch the cow - you deserve better.

Lovecat Tue 28-May-13 09:59:21

So sorry for your loss, OP.

I'd be hurt too by your friend's behaviour. I do sometimes wonder if people forget that people other than those tagged can see their FB feed. Not the same thing at all, but I once had an actor ring in sick to a rehearsal and 30 mins later she was posting pics of herself and mates out on the town... I couldn't help but comment... grin

Wow, pictish I'm hoping that we both had the same friend and it was actually poorpaws, because I'd hate to think there was more than one of them out there - mine sent me a stroppy text after I'd cancelled 'our' Wednesday because DD had chickenpox. How rude of me. She was also the sort who needed instant response to texts or she'd ring to see if you'd got her text and why hadn't you replied yet, so it gave me immense pleasure to ignore the stroppy text and free myself of that sense of obligation and dread... smile

Sallyingforth Tue 28-May-13 09:46:57

Jobjob smile

Sallyingforth Tue 28-May-13 09:46:02

Just use email. It worked fine before FB was invented and still does the jobjob for me.

MoodyDidIt Tue 28-May-13 09:38:18

am intending to stay off as long as i can

i post loads on there blush so some people probably will notice. but fuck it, my mates know where i live and have my mobile number so if they don't talk to me just cos i am not around on fb then that shows they are not really very good friends

Fairygen Tue 28-May-13 09:33:15

Or, even worse, if you don't post much, people might not even notice! I know this has happened with a couple of my friends who weren't on there much. I've looked them up, thinking they haven't been on for ages, to find out they de-activated their accounts 6 months ago, and I hadn't noticed!

Fairygen Tue 28-May-13 09:28:34

If you're on fb quite a bit, aren't people going to wonder/ask where you've been when you do go back on? Or are youplanning to stay off permenantly?

MoodyDidIt Tue 28-May-13 09:15:28

i am actually ITCHING to re activate it hmm

not been on it for 24 hours, that is a BIG DEAL for me <saddo>

Pouncer1 Mon 27-May-13 20:58:33

Sorry moody to hear about your twins. Hope you feeling a bit better today..please don't reactivate your FB account! You really don't need it!

No Moody.

pinkballetflats Mon 27-May-13 20:01:03

Well, either she's stupidly outed herself as being a fair-weather friend, or she's too dumb to understand how FB works....or she forgot? Has she been a bit forgetful lately?

If it's one of the first two I'd say FB has actually done you a HUGE service and you are now free to not waste another minute of your time on this person...it's almost like hiring a private detective on Cheaters but for FREE!!!

DontmindifIdo Mon 27-May-13 19:56:49

God I said earlier, I hate that these threads always involve people thinking it's Facebook's fault, the medium by which you find out that someone is treating you like shit, not the fault of the person treating you like shit.

Or how about - over on relationships you keep hearing about woman finding out their DH has been sending flirty texts another woman. No one ever posts to suggest the solution is to get rid of the mobile phones, no one pretends the problem is the technology, not the behaviour of the people using said technology.

MoodyDidIt Mon 27-May-13 19:41:22

erm thats quite an amusing tale yourma but are you suggesting i am like your friend who got mardy? confused

Years ago I used to meet a friend on Monday mornings for a brew and bacon butty. She used to get snippy if I cancelled and suggested another time. One time instead of cancelling I brought a friend along who was staying with me and she gave me the silent treatment but spoke to my friend. My friend (who was staying with me) thought she was one of the people I used to visit voluntarily (with mental issues, learning difficulties etc) and help with filling in forms, shopping on a budget etc. She was shocked when I said she was a colleague who did the same thing.

Exactly pictish, I can't believe what I am reading re FB being to blame - if anything it seems Facebook is proving useful for exposing shitty friends and shitty behaviour.

Sorry this happened to you OP, pretty low of your friend. I would give her a wide berth and see if she starts making an effort.

pictish Mon 27-May-13 11:40:44

I agree yourma - I know this thread isn't about poorpaws, but I just couldn't help from commenting on her post.

How self important can you be?

I went through similar with a Wednesday pal and ended up dropping her as I cba with her level of intensity about it. She truly thought that owning every single Wednesday of my life was a reasonable expectation.
I was mostly fine to meet up on a Wed, but if something came up and I dared to deviate, I would get passive aggressive shite, like the text poorpaws sent.

She ended up making me shudder. We are no longer friends, and I don't miss her and her sodding contracted Wednesdays at all.

What the OP is referring to is quite different.

Moody, why don't you "hide" anyone that annoys you on FB? I have a friend who is now too busy to see me very much but always posts pics and statuses about various days/nights out she's enjoyed. Now she doesn't see my stuff and I don't see hers. I would make it official and dump her but she's the mum to my niece and nephew and I'd hate for her to make it difficult for me to stay in contact with them (she's the type to do that sadly).

MoodyDidIt Mon 27-May-13 11:34:03

Err...people got shat on by friends before fb existed?

exactly pictish, its not Facebooks fault (although i do thinbk it can bring out people's "inner twat" mine included tbh ) its people's shitty behaviour (although obvs without FB i would not have seen about friend going to other bbq)

but having said all that, i have temporarily de activated anyway, lets see how long that lasts.....

Poorpaws you dropped a perfectly good friend because she let you know she wouldn't be able to make it and suggested another time? Me and my friends do this all the time. I'd be appalled if one of them took the stance you did. No wonder she hasn't been in contact since. You owe her an apology. You know that anyway right?

pictish Mon 27-May-13 11:22:14

Err...people got shat on by friends before fb existed?

Weird school of thought that. If you find out that you have been crapped on by any other means, then you are given sympathy. Find out through facebook, and you're not allowed to feel sad because facebook is pathetic.
As though fb is anything to do with any of it....

Deleting ypur fb account and feeling terribly grown up and smug about it does not stop hurtful things from happening.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Mon 27-May-13 11:11:48

Shit like this is the reason I deleted my FB profile. Same BS - being strung along by people who I thought were good friends but who were prone to ditching me when a better offer came along. Best decision I made, I'm blissful in my ignorance - I no longer have to see what a fab time people are having with 'other' friends when I've been told something mundane like tooth ache or DC ill, or no sitter etc. when the reality is posted all over their FB page.

Funny thing is, me deleting my FB profile was apparently a snub for others to take personally. <rolls eyes>.

Life is a lot simpler without FB imo. Fair weather friends are best left in the past.

crazeelaydee Mon 27-May-13 11:07:55

ahh the wonderful world of facebook!, you would not believe the amount of times I have sat back and listened to upset family/friends and FB is nearly always the cause.

I am on there purely to keep in touch with friends who live far off. I too have sat and read conversations between 2 friends and later found out they were both sat in the same room! which makes me LOL TBH! IMO it can't of been a very good BBQ if she had to get on facebook while there, I certainly know if I am busy enjoying myself the last thing I would want to do is stop and spend the next 10 minutes staring at my phone. My sister tends to do that and I find it really ignorant...most of the time it's because she is a) trying to prove a point to someone or b) to get at someone who has recently upset her. I would go as far as to say I would only do it if I was extremely bored hmm.

Just let it go, as up setting as it may be for you, FB really isn't worth getting upset about.

samuelwhiskers Mon 27-May-13 10:51:42

and I am really sorry about your twins too.

samuelwhiskers Mon 27-May-13 10:50:49

OP - tbh I think this happens quite a lot with friendships. You sound a very considerate friend and she is mad to be treating you this way, but it is her loss. I agree that friendships can run their course too, as we age we have other priorities. I had an appalling holiday with an old best school friend who was making catty remarks behind my back, she never knew I heard them but after 8 years we are still in touch but have never seen each other.

I don't think you should unfriend her or do anything tbh. Just don't contact her for a while or let her make the first move. I think FB can be a nightmare at times, you never get the full story. It is odd that she made an update in the middle of her bbq, why would she do that, she is supposed to be busy enjoying herself.

I had a very similar experience with a long standing friend (30 years+) after we had been to stay with her. Along with Facebook comments there were snide remarks every so often when we were there.
I realised she cared very little about me and my family.
It really hurt at the time and our friendship has now fizzled out. I felt really sad about it but I do not have to see her. I put a lot of effort into our friendship and decided to step right back after the comments and behaviour I'd witnessed. Looking back over the years, I can see that I put in about 80% of the effort with 20% coming from her.
I know how you feel op and I'm really sorry about your twins.
flowers

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