radar key-what else was I meant to do???

(72 Posts)
ariane5 Sat 25-May-13 20:48:22

All 4 dcs have disabilities and ds1 has a radar key.

Went out this morning and he needed the toilet so used the key, while we were in there (it is a baby change too) I changed the baby and dd2 and dd1 also used the toilet. We were probably about 10 mins.

Came out to a very annoyed couple who demanded to know why we had been so long. Tried to explain but they were adamant that ALL the dcs shouldn't have used the facilities if only one had a radar key.
Tried to explain that yes its in ds1 name but technically ALL of dcs could have one.

We were as quick as we could have been but they were extremely annoyed.
In the end I told them I wasn't going to justify myself to them anymore and if they had really been that desperate to use the facilities they wouldn't be standing around having a go at me.

WIBU to have let all dcs use the toilet/changing facilities?

Finola1step Sat 25-May-13 21:44:48

Some people are just really unpleasant. Please don't let it spoil your day.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sat 25-May-13 21:50:53

Oh poor you, I have a radar key too & I'd have looked at you nicely with a 'we re in it togther' look (not in the loo, in the same boat as it were!)

Some people are not very nice, try to let it slide off you

megandraper Sat 25-May-13 21:55:16

Yanbu! i have a key for myself. My small children come in and go to the loo with me. Only a fool would suggest doing otherwise. Keep your chin up.

Holliewantstobehot Sat 25-May-13 22:00:02

They were very rude. If one of my dcs had to use the disabled loo I would take my other dc in with me, I wouldn't let her go in the ladies on her own - that is just ridiculous. My mum was disabled and if I had to help her onto the loo we would all go in and if I or my dcs needed the loo we would all go. Keep strong and ignore the ignorant people.

myonlyfriend Sat 25-May-13 22:08:07

for the love of God, no op yadnbu, we frequently have to use the toilets with the radar keys even if ds does not need to use it! If I need to use the toilet and I have him with me then I have to use the disabled loo, wtf would I do with him sitting in his wheelchair? leave him outside! Madness utter madness, they were being tits don't give them brain space.

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 23:13:44

We're the couple waiting also disabled? confused
If you'd all been in the queue to go in individually, it would have taken the same amount of time, would it not? They were being weird.

ariane5 Sun 26-May-13 09:52:25

I think the lady was disabled, she had a walking stick and did look frail.

It is just getting awkward being 'questioned' or shouted at when we go out, park in bb spaces, dcs need a seat on bus or dd2 is in her buggy and people demand we fold it so they can get on with a baby, I then end up feeling I have to justify myself/give a full medical history as people don't accept a simple "I'm sorry I can't we need this space" etc. That was why I now avoid buses as it got to the point everytime we all went on one somebody said something (people round here are grumpy and its always busy everywhere).

I think unfortunately I just need to put up with these sort of things, keep my cool and not get upset about it.

BodaciousTatas Sun 26-May-13 10:39:40

Yanbu, this used to happen to me all the time when I used my radar key (thankfully I rarely need it these days). I didn't even converse with these people, they were not worth my time.

Sparklymommy Sun 26-May-13 10:46:04

Yanbu. They are. End of story.

Hazeydays Sun 26-May-13 10:47:27

YANBU They were being miserabble. I have a radar key b/c of crohns and I get sick of people thinking that you look "too well"or "too old". You can find grumpy miserable people anywhere- just make sure they dont ruin your day! :-)

Dawndonna Sun 26-May-13 10:51:58

DD plasters on a very sweet smile when people question her use of the lavatory and says: 'I really don't recall having to justify my usage being in the terms and conditions'.
That shuts them up!

FarBetterNow Sun 26-May-13 11:12:54

Ariane: don't let them get you down.

People shouldn't judge - ignore them.

I was extremely embarrassed and practically fell over myself apologising to the lady in a wheel chair waiting outside the downstairs disabled loo that I had used in McDonalds instead of walking my able body upstairs to the other loos.
She was very gracious.

mrsjay Sun 26-May-13 11:17:21

yanbu the oldies were probbaly bursting but hey ho you did nothing wrong and tbh some folk get all uppity when they need to use the disbaled toilet something takes over them , ignore people and smile at them really pisses them off

Holliewantstobehot Sun 26-May-13 15:22:42

I know what you mean about not wanting to give a whole medical history though - my ds is dyspraxic and sometimes gets very frustrated or knocks things over or if we go out to eat does not always manage to eat very well with cutlery/makes a lot of mess. If people stare I have to try and resist the urge to explain him and his condition as it is really none of their business but you do feel like you have to justify yourself sometimes. People should really just be a lot less judgmental, but I suspect will be waiting a long time for that!!!

SoupDragon Sun 26-May-13 15:25:18

Wasn't this the perfect opportunity to use the MN stock phrase "Did you mean to be so rude?"

fuzzypicklehead Sun 26-May-13 17:43:03

Stock answer: "None of your business".

Nobody else has a right to know who in your family is using disabled accessible facilities or why you have a blue badge.

Why would they ask those questions? How did they know your DS1 wasn't the one using the toilet at the time, and how did they know it didn't take him that long to go?

I work with many people who use radar keys and who take a great deal of time in the toilet. It's not uncommon. If you had used a different facility, you would not have been able to keep your other disabled children with you in a safe and secure manner. Their actions don't make sense.

McNewPants2013 Sun 26-May-13 17:52:45

I have a radar key for ds, he has autism and I hand dryers set him off and even though he is only 7 he looks much older and I got sick of women being freaked out by a boy in the women toilet ( god knows why it's not like women toilets don't have cubicles)

When people ask I just tell them I don't tell strangers my son medical history.

foreverondiet Sun 26-May-13 17:57:15

YANBU - even if your other children DIDN'T have disabilities as presumably it would be difficult for you to take your DS1 (not sure how old he is) into the ladies for the others to go. Just shrug and ignore.

AND it had a baby change in it - so presumbly anyone with a baby would use. So doubly YANBU. Plus any toilet outing with a double buggy is a nightmare.

Whilst using the accessible facilities with my son who is in receipt of DLA, I was actually questioned by a moaning Minnie. She was wondering what was the matter with him because he didn't look very disabled...I replied that she didn't look so rude! I have had to develop a thick skin, most people are just quietly supportive of your using the facilities that you are entitled to, a vocal minority are rude, don't let them get you down.

lljkk Sun 26-May-13 18:07:34

Sorry you had a bad day, OP. sad

Walkacrossthesand Sun 26-May-13 18:08:55

I do wonder if some people with mobility issues /disabilities get accustomed to not ever having to wait to use the public loo unlike us lot who have to queue even if we are bursting and start to feel that a vacant loo at all times is somehow their prerogative .. It's not, of course, and, with our ageing population and increasing number of mobility scooters, I wonder whether disputes outside a disabled loo are going to become more common...

youmeatsix Sun 26-May-13 18:13:32

i think you deserve a medal, 3 DCs to the toilet and a baby changed in 10 minutes! they were completely in the wrong. Regardless if one or all of them had a key, one DID, what were you supposed to do? go in with one and leave the rest outside? Dont give this any more thought, you were completely in tHE right IMO

WineNot Sun 26-May-13 18:15:56

Sounds to me like you have the patience of a saint.

I'd have told them to fuck off.

Well done you! flowers

foslady Sun 26-May-13 19:20:07

Definitely NBU! I hate this toddler mentality that some (note the word SOME) of the older generation develop if they perceive that they can't get their own way (I was told 'I could be dead by then and I bet you'd be glad' the other day by one such dear after the bending over backwards and doing something that we wouldn't normally do wasn't going to be done immediately...... )

Please don't let them stop you from living your life to the full

SoupDragon Mon 27-May-13 07:16:39

To be fair. "toddler mentality" has nothing to do with age. There are toddlers of all ages.

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