aibu to give into my 15 year old dd?

(35 Posts)
inneedofsomehelpplz Fri 24-May-13 09:31:00

i used to make dd a sandwich of her choice & supply fresh fruit but when i checked her bag, it had green sandwiches & squashed off fruit so i now buy her a ginsters pasties, a bag of crisps & chocolate which she eats. dh says i should not bither giving her any lunch if she wont eat the healthy option but i disagree - getting any food in her during the day is my goal. at home she eats fresh fruit & veg & she is a slimjim.

so who is bu?

Nanny0gg Fri 24-May-13 11:32:14

Couscous/pasta salad, quiche or tortilla, kofta kebabs and hunks of decent bread, cheese and pickle go down well. I sometimes make my own veggie pasties or send in french bread pizzas made the night before. Smoothies are irresistable to most folk as well!
As an adult with food 'issues' I wouldn't eat any of that except for the pizzas.
If your DD is eating a healthy meal at night, don't sweat the lunch. There's no point in making what she won't eat. And if you carry on, she'll bin it and you won't know anyway.
Discuss with her say, 5 options of her choice so that she can make meals she will eat.

It really won't kill her and there aren't many teenagers who don't eat crap at some point. Parents have no idea what they eat when not at home.

WhiteBirdBlueSky Fri 24-May-13 11:18:30

Sounds fine to me. YANBU.

serin Fri 24-May-13 11:07:19

If she has been eating a sandwich and a piece of fruit everyday for years and years she is probably sick to death of them.

I make packed lunches for all 5 of us every day (I love doing this! am not browbeaten into it!) and I try to mix it up as much as I can.

Couscous/pasta salad, quiche or tortilla, kofta kebabs and hunks of decent bread, cheese and pickle go down well. I sometimes make my own veggie pasties or send in french bread pizzas made the night before. Smoothies are irresistable to most folk as well!

Surely at 15, this is a good time for her to start taking responsibility for herself?

I'd sit down and talk to her about what her options are at lunchtime and why she makes the choices she does? What are the school lunches like? Does she avoid them because they are horrible, peer pressure or they're just not available? Why did she not eat the sandwiches and fruit - didn't like them, peer pressure, time pressure, what? (And why was she stupid enough to leave them festering in her bag rather than put them in the bin? Eew!) And why, if she knows an energy drink will give her a panic attack, she continues to drink them? Sorry, but that's just dim. Or bullied.

She's not a child, she's a trainee adult. Let her make a few bad choices, and learn from them.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Fri 24-May-13 10:20:59

but a pasty AND crisps AND chocolate is crap for every day lunch. Does DD understand a healthy diet? will she eat fruit? have you asked her why shes not eating the sandwiches? maybe she just gets fed up of them every day so alternate, sandwich one day, pasta pot another, tortilla wrap, stuffed pitta bread and a pasty the other day?

Bluebell99 Fri 24-May-13 10:20:24

Downstairs mixup This reminds me my dad always used to bring me a cup of tea in bed in the morning between 630 and 7 when he left for work, I forgot he did that smile I have absolutely no recollections of what I ate at lunchtime at high school! Do remember my dm always going to do a no 2 just when I wanted to do a wee before leaving, and the school toilets were rank!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Fri 24-May-13 10:17:37

oh blimey, MN must love me, I made Ds (17) his lunch today usually DH does it for him and on occaisions I have made sandwiches for them both and Ds 20 too! just part of doing nice things for each other in our household.

TobyLerone Fri 24-May-13 10:12:54

Would she eat a homemade pasty? At least then you'd know what was in it.

DownstairsMixUp Fri 24-May-13 10:10:47

Baffled at some of these replies. Let the daughter buy crap = shit mother. Pack her a lunch at 15 = controlling. Deary me.

Just to clarify my Dad used to make my lunch at 15 for school and I was never "mollycoddled" or "controlled" thats just what happened, sometimes there really is no underlying meaning to what people do, they just do it, jesus.

Agree with your OH though to be honest, I would just pack the healthy lunch and thats the only option. She'll soon get hungry enough to eat it.

mrsjay Fri 24-May-13 10:06:23

she is 15 15yr olds want to eat crap at lunchtime give her dinner money and let her go to the chippy with all the other 15 yr olds wink seriously she is 15 she should be sorting her own lunch and deciding what she wants to eat, if she is eating ok at home a pasty or whatever is fine

HabbaDabba Fri 24-May-13 10:04:59

inneed - Don't take it personally. Some MNetters have lazy arsed teenagers so they tend to project.

Mine spent all week prepping for end of year exams so I've been busy being 'controlling' by making them snacks and drinks. grin

They have school lunch which usually consist of burgers and pizza but at home they get lots of fish, vegetables, fruit and juices. They are also quite active sportswise so to me it's no big deal if they indulge in a bit of junk for lunch.

If you are anything like us, there are already enough areas of contention (music practice, sleep overs, spending on clothes, homework) so why add lunch to it? If overall she has a balanced diet and leads an active life then let it slide.

TotallyBursar Fri 24-May-13 10:01:19

I'm just going to echo PeterParker her post is spot on.

I don't give a toss if you pack her lunch tbh. It's the rest of it.
If at 15 she will intentionally buy drinks that cause her to have a panic attack then surely the more age appropriate action is a discussion with her.
What are her views anyway? It's her lunch and hers is the only view you haven't mentioned.
And ystillbu.

WorraLiberty Fri 24-May-13 09:54:57

I don't care who packs her lunch.

My point is, you were making her sandwiches because presumably you wanted her to eat a healthy lunch instead of a shit one.

But now you're buying her a shit lunch, why not just give her some money and let her buy her own shit?

Were you regularly finding green sandwiches or was it a one off?

Corr grin i did wonder if it was some special brand of sarcasm....

OP, would she eat leftovers from the night before? Pasta etc in tupperware....

I think at 15 the issue isn't really the giving in to her, it's that it's not so healthy.

Could you cut out the crisps and chocolate.....maybe something a bit better like a cereal bar?

Bluebell99 Fri 24-May-13 09:51:54

Contrary to the other posters, I still make my son his pack lunch. He has just turned 14. He though is pretty unfussy and generally eats what he is given smile I think that teenage girls may be a different kettle of fish! My dd is only 11, but friends tell me that their teenage dd's refuse to eat breakfast and leave their lunch. Would she eat a pasta salad? My two love pasta pesto. I also vary the bread type, they like the warburton thins that seem to be on other everywhere at the moment.

PeterParkerSays Fri 24-May-13 09:51:25

inneed if your daughter is buying drinks that give her panic attacks, surely that is her fault, and you need to speak with her about why she's buying beverages that are making her ill?

Personally, I'd make her make her own lunch the night before, and make her porridge whilst she's out on her paper round, if I was going to prepare food, so she has a good start to the day.

Could you generally have a chat to her about healthy food anyway? If she can do tinned meatballs or super noodles for dinner, she's not making healthy choices at home either, when she could be doing scrambled egg or beans on granary toast, which would be much better for her and lower in salt.

CorrStagnitto Fri 24-May-13 09:50:46

not saying thats its true though op, just aibu makes some people slightly hysterical

CorrStagnitto Fri 24-May-13 09:48:24

in MN world

make her lunch = conrolling her

feeding her pasties = child abuse

inneedofsomehelpplz Fri 24-May-13 09:46:13

rubbish such as energy drinks that have caused her to have panic attacks at school.

inneedofsomehelpplz Fri 24-May-13 09:44:55

controlling by leaving her school lunch on the table? really?! sigh - she is still my daughter & i dont mind making her lunch - if im busy with the baby she will make her own dinner although normally meatballs or supernoodles so i dont mollycuddle her :-\

CorrStagnitto Fri 24-May-13 09:42:53

throw her a party if you want like

CorrStagnitto Fri 24-May-13 09:42:33

i mean pasty!

TotallyBursar Fri 24-May-13 09:42:11

What rubbish do you think she would blow her lunch money on that is worse than what you are feeding her now?!

Yabu. DH is in the right on this one, for all the reasons already given.

inneedofsomehelpplz Fri 24-May-13 09:41:23

because she has a paperround in the morning that can take upto an hour so the least i can do is leave her lunch on the table surely?! i just wondered whether i should continue making sandwiches & providing fresh fruit for her to waste or provide the unheaalthy option that she eats?

CorrStagnitto Fri 24-May-13 09:41:16

why dont you give her a party, crips and piece of fruit?

i dont see why a 15yr old needs to be packing her own lunch, at least if you do it you know what shes eating

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