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AIBU?

to think that if you dont want to know, dont ask?

11 replies

Bogeyface · 21/05/2013 14:16

A good friend has a business idea. It is a shop so will involve a hell of a lot of financial input and is a huge undertaking. The shop would be based on a hobby that she has had for years and passionate about.

She asked me what I thought of her idea. She said that she wanted my honest opinion on whether it would work because she was nervous about risking so much money. I said, in a nice way, that I didnt think that her idea would be financially viable. Its hard to describe why without posting her idea, but if you imagine a soft play centre that was only open to 7's and over, so no day time trade only weekends, holidays and parties. Also, imagine the soft play centre was over priced. It isnt that but you get the idea.

I suggested a tweak to her idea (so opening the soft play to under 7's using that analogy) and she went mad at me. She said that I was being negative, pissing on her chips by saying her idea was shit (I didnt!) and wanting her to fail in her "dream"! I dont want her to fail, thats precisely why I suggested a slight change in the idea so it would make money. I really cant see how her idea in its current form would make anything at all, apart from her bankrupt. But if her FB feed is anything to go by, she is now determined to go ahead with her idea as it is, and will be borrowing money to do it. :(

If she didnt want my honest opinion why did she ask? Why do people do that? This isnt the first time I have had this, and why I made a point of asking her "Are you sure you want my honest opinion" and she said yes, as she valued what I thought. Clearly she only valued it if I said what she wanted her hear!

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ChunkyChicken · 21/05/2013 14:22

YANBU if you tried to be tactful & help her avoid failing/getting into debt etc etc. I think starting any small business in this economic climate is very risky anyway, even without limiting your revenue source. Unfortunately for her, she will only learn the hard way. It does leave you in a tricky situation friendship-wise - whatever the outcome to her business! Perhaps approach her & try to explain & offer your support? But you're right - don't ask for an HO if you don't want one...

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ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 21/05/2013 14:25

Oh, people do this all the time!

Insist and insist that they want your honest opinion and then go apeshit when you give it to them.

If I live to be 200 I will never understand why they even bother asking.

You've given her your view, and it is only your view, she's chosen to take the hump. She's going to go ahead anyway, there's really nothing more you can do but wish her luck.

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DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 21/05/2013 14:26

If her idea is really not financially viable wont she have trouble getting anyone to lend her money> Therefore her chips will be pissed on from a much greater height.

YANBU btw. She asked your opinion and you told her it. Meh.

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ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 21/05/2013 14:26

oh, and if she's looking to get a business loan - they're going to want to see a business plan incl. financial forecasts and everything. They don't just throw money at start ups!

And if they don't think it's viable, they'll tell her so.

Unless she's planning on a personal loan, against her house, perhaps?

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LarvalFormOfOddSock · 21/05/2013 14:28

YANBU. It infuriates me too. Still don't know how to deal with it!

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Bogeyface · 21/05/2013 14:30

I am not sure where the money is coming from, but that is a good point about the business loan, so I hope she is planning that route as being turned down might actually be a good thing.

She did mention equity in the house but I am very doubtful that her DH would go for that.

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PrincessScrumpy · 21/05/2013 14:32

There are times when I ask dh for his honest opinion and what that really means is read my mind and give me the answer I want to hear or I'll be grumpy! Dh knows this and gets how my tine of the month brain works so goes with it (for which I am grateful). However, friends are not as close to me as dh so I'd never expect them to put up with such nonsense from me. I'm sure down the line she will realise you were trying to help.
Maybe a carefully worded text about how you were just trying to help her dream be as financially viable as possible but do completely support her would smooth things over.
Obviously you don't need to do this but sounds like she's scared and needed reassurance so is emotional about it. Sometimes it's better to take the high road even when you've done nothing wrong.

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TheRealFellatio · 21/05/2013 14:36

What hec said.

Whenever someone asks your opinion and says 'please be compltely honest' always assume they don't really mean it, they just think they do.

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ChaoticTranquility · 21/05/2013 16:37

YANBU she didn't like what you had to say because in her mind she came up with a brilliant fail proof plan then you pointed out it wasn't. Of course if you had said it was a good plan and she'd gone ahead and failed it would have been your fault.