Salient points:-
- I earn significantly more than DH, although we largely regard our finances as joint family finances.
- We could afford for DH not to work, but until recently he has always wanted to work which has been fine by me. We have used nannies for childcare (the most recent one was with us for 5 years).
- DH decided he did not like his job. There was nothing awful about it, he just got a bit bored of it and there were one or two aspects which he did not enjoy.
- DH decided to give up work. My earnings enabled him to do this. We made our nanny redundant, and the plan was that DH would essentially be a SAHP and we felt there would be lots of benefits to this from the DC's perspective for various reasons. Because the DC are school age, he lined up some part time charity work which uses his skill set so that he would not get bored, would have some adult interaction and would maintain his CV. So he is happy (as he got to give up a job he did not enjoy), DC are happy as DH is around more and able to help with homework etc (they were intiially a little upset about our nanny going so we did need to "sell" the plan a bit, but it has been working well and they have been enjoying having him around), and I am happy, in part becuase the DC are happy and in part because DH can do chores during the week that we would in the past have had to share at weekends.
- A couple of months on, DH has found a new (full time) job. To be fair, he was not particularly looking for it, it just came up. It pays significantly less than the job he gave up (and I think will barely cover childcare costs). He has accepted it without much discussion. He has not done very much about sorting childcare, and seems to expect me to sort that out. He starts in 2 weeks. DC are cross that we made our old nanny (who they loved) redundant and are now talking about a new nanny (there is after-school club at their school, but they have a number of after-school activities that cannot easily be moved to the weekend, at least until the start of next term, and DD1 is talented in one of the activities so will not want to simply drop it for the rest of the term.)
So AIBU to be annoyed? There are a couple of different aspects that I am annoyed about, and I am sure at least some are reasonable (eg lack of discussion). However, I do wonder how it would be perceived if roles were reversed and he was a SAHM who had found a job.