It was my dh's birthday on Friday, and we had a Thai takeaway that eve and I'd even bought some Thai beers to go with the meal. He had lots of cards, gifts and money so not a bad day really. He went to work as usual and met with a friend for a drink at lunch.
Anyway, he keeps talking of having a birthday weekend, where we do something in addition to the actual day. Problem is the weather is poop and weekends are spent playing catch up with jobs to do in the house.
He was most put out yesterday when I was late getting back from taking the boys swimming, as we were going to meet up with some friends for dinner at a local pub. But these plans were a late after thought that he'd made after I told him I wanted to take the boys to a new swimming pool. Which he had declined to come with us, as he wanted to mow the lawns and get the gardens straight.
Sorry, this is longer than I planned but wanted to set the picture. Now to the harsh bit, I've just completed training as a Breastfeeding peer supporter, and I volunteer at a couple of childrens centres each week supporting new mums etc. I'm also a sahm so this is important to me as I enjoy this role outside of our family life etc. Plus the training and volunteering looks good on my barren cv.
Well I received a SOS call from my sister in law's brother (my brother's wife's brother) who was a little beside himself with his hormonal, knackered girlfriend (who gave birth 6 days ago) she has had a bit of a wobble and finding bf painful etc etc.
They were worried that baby had lost weight and might have to go back into hospital if she lost anymore.
Anyway again, my dh was most put out, that I should be more concerned with my own family and he sort of relished in their new parent misery (probably after years of family gatherings hearing their fantastic holidays and the like.)
So we ended up having words, with him feeling hard done by as his birthday appears to have been a let down and he didn't like me spending my time trying to help extended family with their new baby problems.
He is selfish, right?
AIBU?
To think dh is being harsh?
Daisydoomoo · 19/05/2013 08:58
Yes. He is selfish.
He should have made proper plans in advance if he wanted a big birthday celebration 
Although you still might have gone to see the new mum anyway I'm sure. And you'd have been fine to do that imo.
What is he, 12? 
Honestly love it is really hard to come to any sort of conclusion without masses of detail that would make a post so long you'd start to rival me in "essay lenght posts" 
It's your truth, there will also be his truth, and somewhere between the two will be The Truth.
I think when I am seriously off pissed with DH what helps is when I sit down and (very begrudgingly) force myself to see things from his perspective. And while I have yet to conclude "tis all my fault" I have come up with bits and bobs where I have been a bit blind to my own doings that contributed to a state of crossness.
Which makes the compromise stage much easier, cos there is less tussling over the slightly harder to defend bits and he feels "heard" to some degree.
Maybe try that and see how it goes ? Cos in this case I'm not sure outsiders making their best guess based on a one sided snippet will be as accurate as anything you can come up with yourself, cos you have all the details and the bigger picture in your pocket and ...we don't.
It sound resovlable though, from what you've said.
Yup-we can all afford takeaways & beers whenever we want.
None of us see takeaways as a treat/something to have on a special occasion
Could he not have met his friends anyway/you all been late?
But he did manage to celebrate on his bday-so what's the problem?
Hope your rellie gets her bfeeding sorted out.
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