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to feel hurt by my so-called friend?

(79 Posts)
FictionPulp Sat 18-May-13 22:09:34

Organised a night out with my friend weeks ago, and reminded her about it a couple of days ago and she said she'd completely forget and that she didn't have much money this month due to her owing money out and having a few birthday.

Was disappointed but tried not to dwell on it and she suggested lunch on Sunday (tomorrow) instead. Text her today and said are we definitely going out tomorrow? 3 hours ago and still haven't heard back.

Go on Facebook and see that her friend has tagged her as out drinking. So she did go out tonight. I really could actually cry - if I'm not being unreasonable then I definitely am being pathetic sad

FictionPulp Sat 18-May-13 22:33:16

Sadday she is awful with money and so a lot of the time she ends up borrowing it off friends and family and then the next month she will pay them back - owes money out.

FictionPulp Sat 18-May-13 22:37:01

Don't know if this is childish, but I liked the status and commented saying have a good night.

So at least she knows that I know. Lamour I think you are exactly right, people really do forget that people can see things on FB.

If she bothers to text back, even if its to say yes to lunch (unlikely) then I don't think I will even bother to reply back.

HollyBerryBush Sat 18-May-13 22:37:31

Perhaps the other friend is subbing her drinks if she cant afford it/

This sucks. I'd forget about her.

Southeastdweller Sat 18-May-13 22:40:05

After reading your first two paragraphs, I just knew the dreaded Facebook would be involved in this.

I would go for lunch with her tomorrow and ask why her plans changed and say you're hurt.

Lj8893 Sat 18-May-13 22:40:09

Fiction, that's exactly what I would have done!!

Saddayinspring2 Sat 18-May-13 22:46:27

Have you arranged a venue and time for tomorrow? If not wait and see if she texts back, if she doesn't de friend her.

If all arranged go along and say how come she let you down yet went out on a different night out without you? That if she doesn't want to do something with you then just to be straightforward about it and not make up excuses that don't make sense.

Jestrin Sat 18-May-13 22:50:15

I wouldn't have put 'have a good night' because she might read that as you aren't too bothered about her letting you down to go out with someone else. I also wouldn't want to meet up the next day tbh

StuntGirl Sat 18-May-13 22:50:22

Before you go defriending her find out if her other friends are paying for her to go out. In my skint student days I had a friend who was very well off who would frequently pay for us to both go out, so even though I genuinely had no money I had lots of nights out I otherwise couldn't afford!

PavlovtheCat Sat 18-May-13 22:52:39

I wouldnt have said 'have a good night' I would have said 'WTAF?! Did you mean to be so rude?' or something similar.

FictionPulp Sat 18-May-13 22:53:35

Well she commented back saying, thanks, don't think I'm in town tonight I'm just having a couple. Are we still on for lunch tomorrow?

.... Childish if I don't respond? Kind of feel like she should get a taste for how it feels. Or am I just spiting myself?

PavlovtheCat Sat 18-May-13 22:55:02

'have a good night' is very passive aggressive. just say it how it is. 'huh? what's going on?'

And I would not pay for lunch tomorrow, just to find out her reasoning. I would tell her I didn't want to go anymore.

Lamour Sat 18-May-13 22:55:57

I would text her and tell her that you don't want to meet for lunch tomorrow and you're not happy about her lying to you

PavlovtheCat Sat 18-May-13 22:55:58

I would not respond until tomorrow. I would wait til the last minute, and then say 'oh sorry didn't see this until now, sorry, I'm not coming'.

FictionPulp Sat 18-May-13 22:58:34

'have a good night' is very passive aggressive

Yeah you're probably right. I don't know .... I probably shouldn't have put that, I just wanted her to know that I'd seen it and that I knew she'd lied to me. Childish really I guess.

Booyhoo Sat 18-May-13 23:02:20

see, 'have a good night' has back fired as she thinks you were actually wishing her a good night.

what do you want to do about lunch tomorrow?(not what you think you should do to play teh game right)

MonstersInception Sat 18-May-13 23:02:44

A couple of drinks sounds like a night out...? Or surely lunch isn't far from the cost of a night out? (If it was two courses and wine or something, obviously, not a sandwich/ coffee thing)

She seems to be sending mixed signals somewhere - either she has the money to socialise, or she doesn't.

Lj8893 Sat 18-May-13 23:04:05

I would put back something like "well, would have been nice if you could have "had a couple" with me tonight as was originally planned. Not sure about lunch now, I might see if I get a better offer first"

But then I'm in a very childish mood! Lol!

PavlovtheCat Sat 18-May-13 23:04:53

oh I'm not dissing you for being passive aggressive, I do understand that it's a horrid situation, I just mean, say it right, be angry. That's ok you know. She has acted badly.

PavlovtheCat Sat 18-May-13 23:06:10

She has gone out for 'a couple of drinks' and then lunch tomorrow - surely that equals the same as a night out with you in monetary terms? She's having a laugh.

PavlovtheCat Sat 18-May-13 23:06:54

lj that's not childish! That's stating a fact. But, I would ring her up and say it! That'll make her squirm.

Booyhoo Sat 18-May-13 23:10:22

and she knows she has acted badly. that's why she has felt the need to say "dont think i'm in town tonight, i'm just having a couple"

and also she is seeking your reasurance that you aren't angry with her (as she knows you would be right to be) by asking if you are still having lunch tomorrow. why would she be asking that since you had already texted asking that earlier. surely a person who was confident they had done no wrong (or unaware they had) would say "btw still on for lunch. see you tomorrow"

defineme Sat 18-May-13 23:12:20

Just be straight forward-90% of the suggestions here are really immature.

I'd go to lunch and say how hurt I'd felt.

Tbh you might be overthinking it.

If she's flaky/borrows money then she's absolutely the type to say she can't come out, but then be persuaded by a friend to sod it and go out.

If you enjoy her friendship, she turns up for lunch and says sorry when you explain she hurt your feelings, then what's the harm in remaining friends?

Not turning up/bitchy comments is not cool-immature and tragic.

manticlimactic Sat 18-May-13 23:13:26

I'd have been a bit more forthright on the status. People like this don't think of others and would have taken your have a good night as just that. I'd have said cheers for cancelling our night.

WRT lunch tomorrow I'd be tempted to say 'No, a bit skint' and then find another friend and have lunch and tag yourself whilst having said lunch. Childish AND PA all in one grin

FictionPulp Sat 18-May-13 23:14:50

No I know you weren't PavlovtheCat smile ... I just overly worry sometimes about how I come across, when sometimes (in this situation) I really shouldn't care less how I come across.

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