to demand a child is excluded from school?

(165 Posts)
Tubemole1 Fri 17-May-13 23:12:54

I will try and keep this as brief as poss. My daughter is in Y1 and one of her classmates, a boy, often harrasses her. She has been pinched and hair pulled during carpet time and put in a headlock during playtime. I have asked for this boy to stay away from my daughter and her teacher has made efforts to do so.

Today, the same boy attacked four girls. He bit one on the neck and drew blood. Another girl was bitten on the arm five times, no blood. My daughter was attacked as well but she managed to escape with no injury. Obviously my fellow mums and I are outraged. Nothing was done to discipline the boy, so he can't grasp the enormity of the fallout of his actions. My daughter, certainly, was left shaken, trying to make sense if it. This boy has a fascination with vampires, but we all wonder what has he seen to act this way?

I am all for complaining to the school, but dh wants our daughter to just kick him in the balls if he tries again. What message will that give, when she has to fight back to survive?

My daughter is a toughie, and can defend herself, but she bottles up her true feelings. The teacher doesn't see that she's upset, because she only lets it go when she's home, and we have a blubbering child needing our care and understanding. Is it unreasonable to ask the school makes sure our kids are safe thru the day, and this boy is either excluded, or has some sort of intervention?

Euphemia Fri 17-May-13 23:15:17

YANBU to seek assurances from the school that they are dealing with the matter, but you can't demand an exclusion. There are procedures and processes to be followed.

gordyslovesheep Fri 17-May-13 23:15:29

oh for the love of cheese - talk to the school - find out what happened, find out what was and is going to be done - take it from there

and hug your dd x

Cloverer Fri 17-May-13 23:15:41

You can't ask for the boy to be excluded (and how can you know if he has been disciplined today?) but you can definitely insist on a meeting with the head to find out how they are going to safeguard your daughter.

Kicking him in the balls is too much, but I would tell you daughter she can defend herself by pushing him hard enough that she can get away, yelling and running for an adult.

hedgefund Fri 17-May-13 23:16:49

maybe the message if she fights back would sort out his problem and hers??

to suggest an exclusion in year one is crazy

GoblinGranny Fri 17-May-13 23:16:52

The school aren't handling whatever his needs are correctly, go and complain about that and point out they are failing in their duty of care to all of the children involved.

Jinsei Fri 17-May-13 23:16:55

You can't demand that the boy is excluded, but you can demand that your dd is properly protected, and ask how the school is going to do this.

How do you know that the boy wasn't disciplined?

Jinsei Fri 17-May-13 23:17:55

X post!

mousebacon Fri 17-May-13 23:19:54

YABU to think you can demand what action the school takes over this incident.

YANBU to ask to discuss the matter with the HT. I would want to know what actions have been put in place to ensure this level of violence cannot happen again. The HT has no responsibility to discuss with you what actions she has taken with the boy and his family.

complexnumber Fri 17-May-13 23:23:19

I'm not sure a kick in the balls will have that much of an impact on a Y1 boy.

MaureenMLove Fri 17-May-13 23:27:16

It's not that easy to just exclude a child from a school. I do think you have right to speak to the school with your concerns, but don't expect to be told what is happening with the boy, There will be something happening, but they are not at liberty to discuss it with you.

There may be all sorts of safe guarding issues surrounding the boy that have to be dealt with sensitively. And no, it doesn't seem fair from the outside, but I'm fairly certain the school will be taking it very seriously indeed. Sadly it's unlikely that it'll be instant, but it will be dealt with in my experience.

SuperStrength Fri 17-May-13 23:28:15

Start looking for a new school. Bitter experience has taught me that good schools & teachers would be horrified by this sort of behaviour & would be making sure that it wasn't happening.
In the mean time,make sure she knows it's ok with you that she does what she needs to do to stay safe, if that means throwing a punch or two, so be it.

OhLori Fri 17-May-13 23:34:36

Honestly, I don't trust the schools reaction. Drew blood? Jeez. You could try talking to the headteacher but in my experience its like Fort Knox as they are only concerned with their OFTSTED status. You can get more antsy and angry, but you will be labelled a trouble-maker. OTOH if you can deal with that, more power to you.

If there are a few parents that are angry about this, can I suggest getting together and having a meeting with the school? That way, you outnumber the Head teacher 3-1 or whatever, and you can get some action. Nobody wants to witch-hunt a child, but I think schools are so spineless now they'll put up with anything for a quiet life.

SuburbanRhonda Fri 17-May-13 23:34:47

super, do you really think the OP should move her child before she's even tried some of the good advice given upthread?

SuburbanRhonda Fri 17-May-13 23:36:49

shock at "outnumber the head teacher 3-1"

Booyhoo Fri 17-May-13 23:37:19

how do you know the boy wasn't disciplined for attacking four other children? is it just what your daughter told you because the school cant actually tell you what happened to another child.

emstats Fri 17-May-13 23:40:08

I think she should kick him in the balls

Booyhoo Fri 17-May-13 23:40:40

a decent head teacher wont be bullied by 3 mothers ganging up on them. they'll do the right thing for all the children involved. and if they aren't a decent head teacher then do you realy want your child going to that school.

Tubemole1 Fri 17-May-13 23:41:16

On Monday I may calm down a bit. I will team up with the other mums and discuss what to do next.

In defence of husband, he is from the school of hard knocks attitude, having had a vastly different education and upbringing from me. My daughter has tried to complain in the past about this boy but the teacher was unsympathetic and told her not to tell tales angry .

Still angry sad .

MaureenMLove Fri 17-May-13 23:41:59

Yeah, that's the best idea. All stand in front of the Head Teacher and tell her how it is. hmm

Ultimately, its not up to the Head Teacher! You'll need to find the address of the Governors and agencies involved with this child, of which there will be at least one!

Speak to the school about your concerned and ask for reassurance that this boy is being dealt with.

EatenByZombies Fri 17-May-13 23:42:27

I second Mousebacon.
thanks for DD x

CloudsAndTrees Fri 17-May-13 23:43:25

Just because it may appear that the boys hasn't been punished, that doesn't mean he hasn't. They can't tell you what is going on with other pupils, and they can't just do what a demanding parent asks of them. This child has a right to an education too, and he is still very young himself.

It sounds like the child does need intervention, but this can't just be plucked out if thin air. It takes time, reports have to be written and funding has to be found. Obviously there are things the school can do without help from outside agencies or the LA, but it's not as simple as just 'making sure it doesn't happen' with a child stuck in a big class who has complex needs.

Do put your concerns in writing and detail exactly what has happened, and encourage other parents to do the same. This will help if the school are trying to get help from the LA, and it will help ensure they stay on top of the problem and give you a response.

I'd teach your dd to shout loudly at this boy before telling her to kick, and see if she can recognise when the boy is starting to get aggressive o she can tell an adult or at least go and stand near one before anything happens. If she ends up being violent and hurting another child, expect her to get the same punishment that you are hoping this boy is receiving.

Booyhoo Fri 17-May-13 23:43:26

i wonder what people would recommend doing to boys if they didn't have testicles hmm what do you 'ball kickers' tell your dcs to do to girls who attack your babies?

FFS kicking him in the testicles is an appalling thing to teach your child to do.

LittleMissLucy Fri 17-May-13 23:43:38

The school is legally responsible for the safety of the children enrolled. If there are physical attacks taking place then you are entitled to meet with the Head and seek reassurance that measures are put in place to ensure this safety. How they decide to go about it is their decision and really, so long as you get the result you need, you don't actually need to know what they are saying to the violent boy's parents, or the boy.

Goldmandra Fri 17-May-13 23:47:27

You have every right to ask what is being done to keep your DD safe.

You don't have the right to dictate what will happen to another child.

You don't know the exact circumstances of the incident and you don't know how the staff responded. You only know a small child's interpretation of the events.

Ask for a meeting with the Head Teacher, find out what really happened and make sure that the injuries have been recorded.

You could ask if a risk assessment has been carried out and what future actions will be taken to prevent these events occurring again. It sounds as if the child concerned needs support for unstructured parts of the day.

Make it clear that any further injuries to your child will trigger a complaint to Ofsted because you don't feel that the school is safeguarding her effectively.

Finally be prepared to accept that your child may also have been in the wrong.

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