To encourage my girls to do pageants?

(176 Posts)
Sparklymommy Thu 16-May-13 21:24:25

Ok, sure I am going to be blasted here, however:

I am in the UK, where the pageant scene isn't nearly as bad as it is in the USA. My daughters WANT to compete and ooze confidence and stage presence. They both already perform in dance festivals and talent shows and love the whole dressing up, being beautified thing. My eldest is 10, my youngest 4 next month.

I would never "expect" them to win, or put pressure on them if they didn't do well. I am not into "sexualising" them or turning them into mini adults I just think they would enjoy the experience and it would be good for them.

stopmovingthefurniture Thu 16-May-13 21:37:39

I really, seriously would not do this. Children grow affected and self conscious if they're scrutinised and encouraged to think how pretty/charming/talented they appear to others. If they have genuine skills in the arts, there are far, far better ways to develop those skills. I would also be very concerned that you will be leaving the door wide open to eating disorders in later life. Puberty will soon change your older daughter's body; this will probably be stressful enough without her thinking about pageants. Although I can see why you think it's nothing more than a nice experience, and it could be as a one off, I do think you're playing with fire. Fine to enjoy dressing up but learning to evaluate who is the 'best' is something you should be discouraging.

YABVU.

Carry on with dancing/drama etc, but kiddie pageants - really??
They may have fun doing them or not, but the lessons they learn by having to alter their appearance in order to be rated highly is a deeply pernicious one.

sad

Fakebook Thu 16-May-13 21:40:32

Are your trying to be the British Mama June?

honey boo boo

Yabu.

If your child dances and doesn't win a competition they can go away practice more, get a different routine and come back and try again, where is there to go from not being 'pretty enough' to win one of these, go away lose some weight and dye your hair then come back and try again? I'm sure their confidence won't last long if you go through with this stupid idea.

Booyhoo Thu 16-May-13 21:44:49

OP

can you expain for me (clueless about pageants) what the actual aim of a pageant is? and what you think your girls would gain from taking part?

Jewcy Thu 16-May-13 21:45:56

What's the difference between the OP's scenario and Victoria Beckham allowing Romeo to prance around a studio in make-up and hair gel with drug-addled anorexics? He has been judged - by all of us.

Maryz Thu 16-May-13 21:50:00

YABU having the name Sparklymommy hmm

As to the pageants, meh. Will you encourage your sons to do body-building from the age of four as well?

SisterMatic Thu 16-May-13 21:52:14

I would feel uncomfortable entering my children into a contest about appearances. If they didn't win, they would feel like they weren't pretty/cute enough. I would hate for my child or anybody elses to feel that way.

YoniYoniNameLeft Thu 16-May-13 21:55:08

"They both already perform in dance festivals and talent shows and love the whole dressing up, being beautified thing."

But children don't need to be "beautified". They are already beautiful!

JennyEnglishTwo Thu 16-May-13 21:55:45

I hope this is a wind up.

It won't be good for him. It'll teach them that other people have the right to judge them on their appearance, that they're obliged to be attractive, and that they're 'losers' if they're not amongst the most attractive.

Go abseiling or something. Seriously.

JennyEnglishTwo Thu 16-May-13 21:55:56

them

SirChenjin Thu 16-May-13 21:56:25

Would you be unreasonable to encourage your daughters to be judged solely for their looks rather than their achievements, their attitudes to others, their intelligence, their ambition, their ability to make a real difference to society?

Yep, absolutely.

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 16-May-13 21:56:36

World peace and love, people.

SirChenjin Thu 16-May-13 21:57:44

Eh?!

LEMisdisappointed Thu 16-May-13 21:59:53

Its horrible - my cousin "lets" makes her dd do this - she is 9 years old and has pictures of her plastered all over facebook in really dodgy costumes and make up, she is entering her into all sorts of talent competitions too - singing songs that are not age appropriate - i have to sit on my fingers because i don't want to upset anyone, but i think its a vile thing to do - its like she is living her dream through her child.

As for doing it when your child is 4??? yuck I think its borders on abuse actually.

kungfupannda Thu 16-May-13 22:00:38

Yuck yuck yuck.

Why in the name of arse would anyone want to teach their daughters that looks are something to be judged on, and that you can "fail" at being pretty enough, or wearing nice enough clothes?

If they like performing, then let them do more of that sort of thing. Then at least if they compete, they're being judged on something that they have control over, ie can practice, work harder and improve.

There's a thread about the women on The Apprentice, and why they are plastered in make-up with their hair all over the place. The answer is presumably that they are used to being judged on their looks, and are therefore resigned to using their appearance over and above their skills and talents. Is that what you want for your daughters?

JennyEnglishTwo Thu 16-May-13 22:00:53

Just read that your eldest is ten. OMG. This is a crucial age. You should be telling her what a great personality she has, remarking on when she has done something brave, or original, or funny, or clever...

I don't know if I'm getting it right myself. I've a dd roughly same age. I tell her that oh yes, as a bonus, you're fortunate that you have a nice face. But then I follow that up with 'but you're not obliged to decorate the world'. My son told my dd she needed 'no no' recently and I gave out to him and said no she did not 'need' no no. she was under no obligation whatsoever to be bald. I told son that unless he was going to wax every last hair off himself he had no right to ever judge any woman for being hairy. he said 'can I go to the shop on my bike'. BUT STILL. message out there, I hope.

Maryz Thu 16-May-13 22:01:00

Why Olivia?

I don't feel peaceful and loving <stamps feet>

LEMisdisappointed Thu 16-May-13 22:01:50

d'oh silly me - wind up thread, nice try OP

PoppyAmex Thu 16-May-13 22:02:36

No Miss Congeniality crown for you then, Maryz grin

fromparistoberlin Thu 16-May-13 22:03:34

what ruby said

dancing fine, drama fine

sorry OP!

MadBusLady Thu 16-May-13 22:04:31

Your youngest. Is. Three.

Is this a wind-up?? I really hope do.

mervynmouse Thu 16-May-13 22:05:44

No no no! My mother had the ill thought out idea of entering my sister and I in a local 'carnival princess' competition when we were children. My sister won. I came er- nowhere and it further compounded my feelings of being the ugly duckling that had been hinted at for years. We spoke about it recently and both just thought what WAS that shit? Keep up with the acting, pageants are damaging to your girls.

cees Thu 16-May-13 22:06:00

Yabvvu

Leave them alone to be children

cherryade8 Thu 16-May-13 22:07:55

Yabu. Can't you encourage them to read books, climb trees or other fun and innocent activities? Pageants are shallowand unpleasant.

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