Miss/Mrs/Ms

(160 Posts)
MephistophelesSister Mon 13-May-13 20:26:54

I don't usually get to het up about Miss/Mrs/Ms (and apologies in advance, because I know the debate crops up on here fairly frequently) But I am trying to buy some insurance, and am starting to lose my temper.

I am married, but I sometimes use my maiden name. For this particular insurance I actually need to use my maiden name. However, if I try and select 'Miss', the helpful website blocks me from proceeding with the message 'marital status does not correspond with title'.

I am fully entitled to use the prefix Dr. Unfortunately loads of websites won't offer this as an option (which is a pity, as I find it a handy dodge). In this case they will, but I gained my doctorate under my married name, so that doesn't sit right.

I can't (or really, really, shouldn't) lie about my marital status - that would put me on shaky ground if I ever came to claim, and might influence the quote. But as far as I know there is no law against/reason why a married woman can't continue to use her maiden name and prefix it with 'Miss'?

Using 'Mrs' in front of my maiden name just seems wrong, and I have simply never liked 'Ms'.

[Wails] why can't they just let me have it my way!!!

Growlithe Tue 14-May-13 06:40:45

Ms is a perfectly fine title provided to suit women in your situation. Not using it because you just don't like it is a bit silly.

The comparison site will just have a program behind it just trying to catch any common errors made when entering data, so that there is less chance of you having to send back policy documents when issued because they are incorrect.

FacebookWanker Tue 14-May-13 06:42:10

I hate the sound of 'Ms'. I don't like being called Miss Surname either...there's no pleasing me...

exoticfruits Tue 14-May-13 06:46:14

Not using it because you don't like it seems perfectly sensible to me. I find Ms irritating. It should be a choice.

Growlithe Tue 14-May-13 06:46:54

BTW, chopping and changing names like this may have an adverse effect on your credit history. There are also fraud systems about which pick up on these constant changes.

This may also effect the deals you are getting.

It's best to stick to one title and surname in these matters IMO.

VinegarDrinker Tue 14-May-13 06:56:18

Loads of my friends use Dr Maidenname and Mrs Marriedname (especially if working locally to where they live) with no problems, financial or otherwise.

I'm Ms/Miss/Dr on various different things (all same surname though, I've never used DH's) and haven't found anyone in the least bothered.

KatyDid02 Tue 14-May-13 07:02:06

I use Mrs and my ex-husbands surname, that confuses people no end but I can't be bothered with changing it.

Growlithe Tue 14-May-13 07:02:36

Behind the scenes if you use two different surnames they will be linked and called alias. IIRC your case will tend to be referred to manual underwriting, which could result in you not getting the cheapest deals from all companies.

Growlithe Tue 14-May-13 07:06:12

PS - this wouldn't necessarily be visible to you.

I agree word for word with what BadGuider says. Ms for all women would be so much better IMO.

lljkk Tue 14-May-13 07:36:59

yanbu, your choice of title should not be a statement about your legal status. it is so wrong that only women have to make this decision and men don't.

I cringe at the British pronunciation of Ms.
I had no idea that people thought it mean divorcee, though.

Smudging Tue 14-May-13 07:49:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

myroomisatip Tue 14-May-13 07:56:37

I agree with using 'Ms', after all why is it only women that are expected to reveal their marital status?

No more Miss or Mrs for me smile

limitedperiodonly Tue 14-May-13 08:01:20

I'm Miss Maidenname though I'm married. It's never been a problem. Occasionally people think DH is Mr Maidenname. He copes.

Puzzled by the posters who say it's not allowed when you're married but then say they use Ms because they don't want to reveal their marital status confused.

Being Miss Maidenname enraged one person in my life who found out I was married and then accused me of fraud hmm

But then she was mad.

However old you are, it's never been only divorced women who used Ms (although there's always been a section of the media eager to claim that).

lottiegarbanzo Tue 14-May-13 08:10:31

I'm 40 (am I really?), have always used Ms and am only vaguely aware of the 'divorcee' connotation amongst my parents' generation. So even if you are in your 70s, it probable that most of the people working at the insurer are not and it wouldn't occur to them.

I do think Ms sounds funny and hate the way some people treat it as po-faced and didactic; some call centre people go all serious, even apologise and their friendliness evaporates.

CloudsAndTrees Tue 14-May-13 08:21:58

By the logic you are using OP, you should also be able to address yourself as Mr. It would be equally as incorrect as Miss, because you are married and that's what it means.

Do you think your husband should be allowed to go by Mrs if he chooses to? It's the same thing.

Why do people hate the sound of ms? To my ears it's just miss with a harder z sound rather than soft s. they are so similar when spoken as to be Indistinguishable at times. I usually answer 'ms M S' when asked 'miss or mrs' because they sound so similar.

Trinpy Tue 14-May-13 08:39:57

I don't know if it is still like this but when I used to run a rainbows group I tried to register with Girlguiding UK; the online form wouldn't let me select ms as a title unless I said I'd had more than one surname in my lifetime I.e. only divorced women use ms. Couldn't believe that one!

VerySmallSqueak Tue 14-May-13 08:40:41

I am Ms on some things,Mrs on others and Miss on yet more.
It doesn't concern me too much though my title of choice is Ms.

I truly didn't realise you could still legally use your single name if you name changed on marriage.

I may be being dim,but could someone explain to me why you might do that. (curious).I realise that if you end a marriage you may well want to do that (but I always imagined it had to be through a legal process).

I have a lot to learn!

pinkyredrose Tue 14-May-13 08:42:14

Oh that's annoying Trinpy

It also assumes that all women change their name when they marry.

olgaga Tue 14-May-13 08:48:50

I've been married for 16 years and still use my single name for work, but it evolved into Mrs Singlename.

My current account, credit cards so all my online accounts are in Ms Singlename, but my email is my married name.

I changed to my married name for my passport, driving licence, HMRC, and we have a joint BS account I can pay cheques into if they are mistakenly paid to Mrs Marriedname.

I never bother correcting people - who can face having to do that for an entire lifetime? Call me anything you like, just don't call me late for dinner grin

olgaga Tue 14-May-13 08:50:37

VerySmall The reason for it in my case is that I didn't get married until I was 37! There was so much stuff to change, it would have been a mammoth exercise to do it at the time and I wanted to still be known by my single name for work.

luxemburgerli Tue 14-May-13 09:06:15

Manic, using Ms has nothing to do with being "ashamed" about not being married (or being married!), and everything to do with it being no one's damn business whether you are married.

The inequality between male and female titles DOES matter. Imagine you're sitting in a meeting and the boss announces someone is coming for an interview. Boss says the applicants's name is "Miss X" and everyone thinks she is a young person fresh out of university. Boss says it's "Mrs X" and everyone's picturing a middle-aged, mum-like woman. Boss says "Mr X" and no one has any preconceived ideas.

I would like to see "Ms" (or any other generic title) reach the same status as "Mr" in my above example, and not be considered a title women use if they are bitterly divorced/ashamed of not being married/worried about being though "self important"!!

lottiegarbanzo Tue 14-May-13 09:06:47

Yes, I say ms, people hear it as miss, so it's only when it matters to get it right for a form that I correct them and they act as if told off.

With unofficial uses I get all three. Tradesmen always choose Mrs, I suppose its statistically the best bet at my age and i don't correct because it isn't matter. Of ourselves they then refer to DP as Mr myname.

Teapot13 Tue 14-May-13 09:19:17

I don't think using "Miss" denotes that you aren't married -- it means you are using your unmarried name. Elizabeth Taylor was always "Miss Taylor" even though she was married most of the time.

Likewise my mother is wrong to address mail to me as Mrs. Maidenname. I am married, but not to my father. (She knows I don't like Ms, and Miss doesn't make sense to her, for the reasons on this thread. Hmm. . .)

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