Would really appreciate some views on this..

(67 Posts)
Millietj Wed 08-May-13 10:37:12

My husband earns two thirds more than I do - for ease sake (not real figures) let's say he earns £2000 per month and I earn £1000 per month.

Am I right in thinking we should split everything so that he pays two thirds of everything and I pay one third? Is that fair? Or should we split jollies, ie holiday spending money, birthday parties etc 50/50 and just split bills with that percentage?

Any views? Would really appreciate some unbiased views on this!

Thanks,
Mx

ivanapoo Wed 08-May-13 16:36:47

We have a joint account and every month pay all of our salaries bar £250 each into that. The £250 stays in our own, separate accounts.

The £250 pays for anything beyond mortgage, bills, savings pot, baby essentials and grocery shopping - so everything from coffees with friends, petrol, meals out, clothes, mobile phone, gifts, etc.

We only did this after getting pregnant with DS though. Before, I earned a bit more but not loads so we split things 50:50 and I just tried to be generous eg paying for meals out, buying DH the odd piece of clothing, and so on.

Zalen Wed 08-May-13 16:08:37

For the first 21 years of our marriage we always pooled our money and each had a set amount of pocket money paid into separate personal accounts. Then my husband decided that we should separate our finances and I've never been so relieved in my life. Now we each have our own accounts and each pay half of the total required for bills, mortgage, shopping etc into a joint account then whatever remains is ours to spend as we wish.

To me that is the only fair way to do it. My husband has no idea of the value of money. For someone who thinks money is supremely unimportant he sure loves spending it! When our money was pooled I always felt guilty when he was short of cash so always let him have whatever extra he needed. Now I no longer have to do that and it's an immense relief, he no longer gets to spend all my money and I don't resent him half as much.

50/50 seems the only fair way to me however as you have the situation where one partner's earning potential is reduced by childcare considerations you could maybe go with something along the lines of you earn £x, if you were able to work full time you would earn £y extra and it would cost £z in childcare. Therefore he owes you £y/2 per month or if he prefers you can go back to full-time employment and his share of the bills will increase by £z/2.

2beornot Wed 08-May-13 15:02:44

But elquinto why should her OH have more spending money?

elQuintoConyo Wed 08-May-13 14:43:31

How about you both put 2/3(or whatever) of your salary in a joint account, what's left is your own. You've both paid in the same percentage and you have still got money for gym/clothes/chocolate etc.

Haven't read whole thread, sorry if I have repeated a pp.

CPtart Wed 08-May-13 14:34:02

My DH earns almost five times what I earn. He is a spender, I a saver. We each put x% of our salaries into a joint account for all bills, holidays etc, and the remainder is left for each of us to do with as we wish.

We have always (ie since marriage and graduation which were pretty much at the same time) had a joint account and separate personal accounts. We have always pooled income and had equal "fun money" transferred into personal accounts.

It's a model that works well for us and is very popular on Mumsnet, partly because it is practical, and partly because it is fair.

2beornot Wed 08-May-13 14:19:48

Basically, what tigerfeet said grin

2beornot Wed 08-May-13 14:17:50

DH and I do everything completely joint and they works for us. But it doesn't seem as if its the best fit here.

You should absolutely have the same amount of spending money each. I would say have your own accounts, then every month transfer across your contribution, leaving a set amount in your own account (whatever your budget allows). This way you can spend from your own accounts on whatever you like but it's fair.

TigerFeet Wed 08-May-13 14:04:48

I earn way less and woh far fewer hours than dh, I do most child wrangling and household stuff. All money, salaries, CB, anything else that should come our way (if only) goes into a joint account out of which all household expenses are paid. We each get an equal small amount oaid into our personal accounts to squander as we see fit. Works extremely well as we both have visibility of household in and outgoings but don't have to justify spending our own cash. Anything left in the joint account goes on family days out, put aside for big household expenses, that kind of thing.

lljkk Wed 08-May-13 13:58:36

If you're determined to have separate money then you need a 3rd joint account which is only used for joint expenses (house, children). You could both pay into it say 3/4 of your salaries.

Much easier just to have a single joint account, though.

Inertia Wed 08-May-13 13:44:56

Well, you're working fewer paid hours than him, but more than making that up to full time by doing the childcare. You could try calculating how much it would actually cost him if he had to pay for the childcare you provide (hence allowing him to work his paid hours) - however, if he genuinely begrudges spending "his money" on family expenses, I can't see how you'd resolve it.

chickabilla Wed 08-May-13 13:37:53

I earn less than DH due to only working part time normally and on maternity at the moment. Even when we earned the same we got paid into the joint account then had some personal money transferred into our individual accounts. We dont bother anymore and just spend from the joint account. We are not frivolous so it is fine.

Millietj Wed 08-May-13 13:34:04

NMZD - I don't understand your post - on the one hand you're saying suck it up but on the other saying it's not fair to penalise the person on a lower wage???

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 08-May-13 13:26:58

If your spends end up being proportional too then I definitely think that things like holidays should be split proportionally as well. As you say 50/50 in that situation is not fair.

We have a joint account, DH is out of work right now but when we were both earning, all salaries/tax credits/child benefits went into the one account, all bills were paid and then everything was spends.

Now I'm the sole earner, but the same applies. DH tends to ask me first before he spends any money on himself, not if it's on the kids though! It's just habit really - I don't care so long as he doesn't go crazy.

Beamur Wed 08-May-13 13:22:40

I have a similar earning difference to my DP too, but we have one bank account, all our respective earnings go into it, we pay all our bills out of it and there is a free for all for the rest of the month! He has never quibbled over money.

Illustrationaddict Wed 08-May-13 13:20:52

It's not faire on you, but saying that I guess I loose out too as pay 50% of my wage which is less than DH wage, BUT I guess We do discuss big spends, and he does 'treat me' more than I treat him. The thing I focus on is that I get to stay at home those extra days with DC and see them develop which to be faire is priceless (sorry if that makes people sick) but I do get impression off DH that he does feel he misses out a lot.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 08-May-13 13:18:47

You like to have your money and he likes to have "his" but the trouble is that you don't earn as much....if you want the luxury of your own money, then you can't complain....but suck it up....and split everything 50 50.

This is why people have a pot...so that the one who earns less isn't penalised by being a parent who does more childcare.

unebagpipe Wed 08-May-13 13:15:22

Haven't read everyone's posts... But joint account is really logical. That way all money is 'family money'. As a family unit why should your Dh have more money than you? What will happen when you retire? Would your children inherit separately from you and your DH? How do you work out your wills on that basis? Sorry, separate accounts are very alien to me! Just can't understand why you'd want to do this if you are married!

Millietj Wed 08-May-13 13:09:58

Agreed that if you pay all bills and then take an equal "cut" of the leftover amount (ie both have say £500 each left) then all future spend should definitely be split 50/50. However, DH pays 63% of bills and I pay 36% and once that's done he has the same percentage more than me left - ie the remainder is £1000 - he has £660 and I have £330 [made up numbers] that's why I feel it's a little unjust (he hasn't even suggested 50/50 - I just want to make sure I'm not being unreasonable for suggesting it) that out of these unequal "spenders" amounts, I should pay the same as he does.....

Cabrinha Wed 08-May-13 13:06:27

You could take another approach - and look at why you are earning less. Do you want to earn less? Should your husband be part time so that you can increase your earnings and develop your career?

My husband (actually, I've started divorce proceedings) and I both earn good salaries, but I'm probably 40% to 60% of our joint income. Because we both have reasonable spending money after splitting bills (equally) there isn't the drive to even things up. We're both fairly relaxed about money too - although I'm an "absolutely will pay my way" (note the equal bills) type. So where we are informal I possibly "lose out". We manage household bills from a joint account with 50/50 share. Personal bills we pay ourselves - for examples, he wanted a flashier car than me, he repays the loan. Because he earns more, sometimes I say "no, can't afford that" - and he pays. Example: solar panels for house. But generally it all works out.

I am happier NOT having what I see as "his" money. But - it causes no resentment, and probably balances pretty well. This will horrify some, but if we eat out, it's either his treat or mine - not from joint. The joint account is administrative expediency really - just fixed household / childcare bills.

As I mentioned, we're divorcing - but that's not to do with money!

Potteresque97 Wed 08-May-13 13:01:02

As your earning power is constrained by childcare duties then that needs to be compensated for because he couldn't earn his salary without your support or paying someone else for childcare etc. Personally, I think he should be contributing 2/3 to every expense, be it bills or discretionary or come up with a monetary value for what you are losing out on in career terms (salary progression and childcare time)

Illustrationaddict Wed 08-May-13 12:57:19

In our house we have an account each, like you OP we like to have our own money, but we also have a joint in which 50% of our wages go in and pay the bills. DH earns more than me, but he puts a higher cut in. I work part time, and do more housework, childcare than him, so I think it's pretty faire that his percentage is higher & we then have a bit left each.

I can see if you are a SAHM this would and should be different, my friend looked at it like 'what would I pay a nursery' and her DH gives her a good percentage of that as her everyday spend, which actually is about the same as if she worked (lucky girl;) )

AnythingNotEverything Wed 08-May-13 12:55:56

We do what wannabe said. Seems the fairest way to me.

If you've taken a pay cut to look after kids, why should you have less money for personal treats?

Another one with a joint account from which all the bills, mortgage, direct debits come out of. Out of this also goes some pocket money into individual accounts for DH and me, and another standing order into a savings account for things like holidays and DIY stuff. Works well for us.

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