I fucking HATE being a MOTHER! I want to run far, far away.........

(39 Posts)
TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras Thu 02-May-13 17:45:11

Just that.

Wish I could just visit them from time to time, preferably at bedtime and someone else could deal with all this crap day in, day out. Screaming, crying, arguing, fighting, fucking crumbs, unidentified disgusting things and snot angry everywhere, refusal to anything, door slamming, name calling, stomping, stamping.

Aaaargggghhhhh.

formicadinosaur Sat 03-Aug-13 10:58:14

It will get easier.

formicadinosaur Sat 03-Aug-13 10:56:29

I Am in a similar boat. 4 boys. Eldest almost a teen and youngest a toddler. Hubby works long long hours and no family about. It is really hard!!! I have taken some steps recently as it was getting too much! 1) getting to bed early 2) preparing the night before for the next day. 3) insisting my husband leaves for work later so that I can nip to the gym at 7am while he gets the kids changed and breakfasted ( he would otherwise only see them to kiss goodnight) 4) insisting my DH takes all the children for a few hours at weekends

I know when I feel happier, my kids are much nicer. What can you do to feel better? What do you need for yourself?

I found that once I felt more refreshed, I felt more able to lay down rules for the kids. Lots of time out even for 2 year old. Try warning everyone if they are all being disruptive, then sending them ALL to their rooms if they can't behave. And keep repeating. Bed early if necessary. No pudding. Also lots if treats for good behaviour - ice cream etc. playing games together. Attention.

Can you have a long chat with the teen? Have a heart to heart.

springytotty Sat 03-Aug-13 10:17:24

So what if it's a 'ghost' thread??

needaholidaynow Sat 03-Aug-13 10:16:49

Oooooh just imagine if a stepmum posted this thread!!

"I fucking HATE being a STEPMOTHER!"

....can you just imagine??

Whothefuckfarted Sat 03-Aug-13 10:03:47

Ghost thread...

Notmymother1 Sat 03-Aug-13 10:01:13

I completely understand what you're going through - I'm trying to put my own childhood into perspective at the moment too; didn't realise how non-parented I was. I think this is why I struggle so much with being a parent myself. I like the parenting classes advice posted by someone on here.
You are not alone!

lottieandmia Tue 28-May-13 17:21:01

OP, I do admit to feeling like you sometimes although I have 3, not 4 and I'm a lone parent. My oldest dd has SEN and needs a lot of physical help to do everything, which I have always found ok, if time consuming.

However, since dd3 (aged 4) came into our world I have realised how challenging parenting can be! My older two girls are by nature quiet - she by contrast is very very noisy. She stresses out dd1 who can't cope with the noise and has meltdowns, but aside from that she also will not accept when I say no and explain why and will simply ask again, and again and again and again and again and again and follow me around until she brow beats me into submission. I am not used to a child like this. I love her so much and she is a loving, sociable little girl but I get very frustrated with her and then I feel guilty for not understanding her. I find her emotionally draining and am often physically exhausted. I rarely get even an hour to myself in a week. I think this is the problem - do you get any time just for you at all?

Donnadoon Tue 28-May-13 17:11:06

Ooops just realized this is an old thread!

Donnadoon Tue 28-May-13 17:08:28

thanks Just wanted to say that you sound like a brilliant Mum.Give yourself a pat on the back for attempting all that with the four of them in tow...I doubt that many people could cope all of the time.

gallifrey Tue 28-May-13 16:57:30

I thought I was the only person that felt like this, I often feel like running away and my 2 girls are quite well behaved!
My eldest dd(9) is normally lovely but is acting like a bloody stroppy teenager and my 2 yr old is the epitome of the terrible twos!
I used to be really active and do stuff with my eldest daughter but I now have health issues (back problems and fibromyalgia) so I just don't have the energy to do anything. I feel guilty about this when I see what other people do with their children.
I'm hoping it will be better when they are older.

R2G Tue 28-May-13 16:41:32

Another organisation is Homestart, they can help with a volunteer to come round and help you/ listening ear when you have an under 5/ feel overwhelmed.

timetogrowup Tue 28-May-13 15:36:31

Hope the OP comes back. You need a bit of help, hope it's not quite so bleak today.
You could get in touch with family lives.

http://familylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/confidential-help-line

stopgap Thu 02-May-13 19:59:15

How old is your teenager? Would she be capable of looking after the twins? Or if too young/unwilling, would you consider a babysitter?

I only have one child, but consider my graduate student babysitter an essential godsend, in the absence of family nearby/a husband who works long hours. I use her two afternoons, when I do freelance work/go out for a run for half an hour, and also three evenings when my son is asleep, one of which is date night, which I think is fundamental when you have kids.

musickeepsmesane Thu 02-May-13 19:57:47

You need more than one ball!!!! wink Tell the teenager how you are feeling. You may be surprised at the support you get. I think your DH needs to give you a couple of days off after all, if it is that easy he will enjoy the break from work........................... wine

AnonAndOnAndOn Thu 02-May-13 19:51:50

IvorHugeArse your post reminded me of this blog: Reasons my son is crying

OP you sound exhausted. Cut yourself some slack. Just keep saying to yourself 'this too shall pass'.

OhTheConfusion Thu 02-May-13 19:19:25

It sounds like you need a break sad

getmeoutofthismadhouse Thu 02-May-13 18:59:15

I know children are hard work but please count your blessings. My 2 are in Foster care at the moment and there isn't a day go by I don't miss them. I would love to being able to have a day where my kids play me up ,like most children do but let me tell you without them you would feel like you've lost your right arm (along with half your heart!!) But I take my hat off to parents who have lots of kids, you are worth your weight in gold ,even if it's just for your patience you must have smile

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Thu 02-May-13 18:54:35

I love your description of your day. It made me laugh and feel very sorry for you
I had three kids in three (nearly four) years and that was bad enough. I wouldn't have like to puta stompy teen into the mix.
I think I am still carrying the mental scars from shoe shopping.

All I can say is that it will get better wan smile honest, it will

In the meantime wine brew etc

IvorHughJarse Thu 02-May-13 18:51:20

Yes, it's only funny at the time if you're at the stage of sleep-deprived madness that induces hysterical laughter as a defence against sitting in the corner rocking and crying...

If DH has no clue how hard it is then can you try and tell him? Try to make him see? I second the suggestion that he could take some time off.

You are a good enough mother x

NellysKnickers Thu 02-May-13 18:48:33

Nothing useful to add really but just wanted to say you are amazing and brilliant to have got this far. My two are 2 and 7, they are lovely but oh my fucking god they drive me mental. Toddler is sooo independent, won't accept any help whatsoever and screams like a deranged screaming thing if someone tries to help, 7 year old challenges everything, 2 year old likes to hurl full plates of food, 7 year old finds this hilarious........these are just a few examples, there are many more I wont bore you with. My point is, I struggle with half the amount of kids you have. You are fab, don't forget it.

C0smos Thu 02-May-13 18:44:46

Any chance you could get a job, probably hard to manage child care with so many but I'm a much better parent as I only have to do it for 2 - 3 hours a day instead of 12.

Get the husband to book some holidays from work and stay home with the kids, while you bugger off out for a full day, and if you can stretch to it a night in a hotel too.

It sounds like the youngest screaming is the most trying?? I have to admit I would struggle with that.

Yeh, I agree with Dogs, try to get a few breaks if you can, and go and do something nice, maybe with a friend. My DH copes quite well if I go away for the weekend (possibly better than me in some ways hmm), but I know it's not possible for everyone. But everyone should be able to have the odd evening or afternoon off. If it's not completely 24/7 it can be such a help and give you not only a rest and a break, but also really help with getting a perspective on things.
Also things will change, DC's get a year older every birthday !
Striving to be a "good enough" mother is a noble thing to do - especially when you've had a tough upbringing yourself, and really helpful I've found.

I'm wondering if maybe you should hire a babysitter/nanny for a day and just go somewhere and enjoy the quiet.

After having only one, I am amazed by anyone who has 2, never mind 4!!

DogsAreEasierThanChildren Thu 02-May-13 18:25:10

Well, the first thing you need to do is to go away for a couple of days leaving DH in charge and then he'll find out why you're finding it hard (assuming that when you say he works all the time you don't mean 7 days a week, every week of the year). Everything seems worse if your partner's belittling your problems. And the break would be a proper rest - it doesn't sound as though you ever get one.

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