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AIBU?

To think Dsis should concentrate on the two children she has first?

20 replies

NoSuchFairytale · 29/04/2013 20:23

I've got my niece and nephew currently living with me (9 & 12). Dsis is an alcoholic who flits between men and puts them before her own children.

When I took them in DNiece was riddled with nits and Dnephew was in dire need of footwear. Dsis partner was beating on Dnephew but she took his side despite evidence (part reason why they're here).

Niece has said when she lived with mum she felt like the mum herself - having to look after her brother because her own mum wasn't capable of.

Today I hear news that trumps all news - Dsis is expecting again!

I'm beyond angry. The excuse for a human being should stop procreating and concentrate on the two she already has!

And what happens when she can't care for the unborn child - it'll fall on me and my family yet again to step in.

AIBU to feel so fucked off?

OP posts:

Report

LaurieFairyCake · 29/04/2013 20:27

Don't step in. If there are clear instances of neglect report to SS.

MagratOfStolat · 29/04/2013 20:27

YANBU - report her! Disgusting behaviour. Those children deserve better, and you are , by miles, better in every way.

BrokenBananaTantrum · 29/04/2013 20:28

YANBU
Are SS involved already?
Sounds like you have a lot going on and you are doing a good job.
Not sure what advice to give
Just didnt want to read and run. X

mrsjay · 29/04/2013 20:29

yanbu but what can you do, you did a good thing with your little neice and nephew some people think all they have to do is produce a baby and life will get better, then they forget these little being have to be looked after, I agree with laurie dont step in right away, she will probably be under ss anyway, and you dont need to take on a newborn if you dont want to,

maristella · 29/04/2013 20:34

YANBU! For what it's worth I think you're amazing

NoSuchFairytale · 29/04/2013 20:38

SS are already involved because of issues with Dnephew. It's sickening that Dsis is still sticking with the twat partner! I really don't want to be taking on a newborn as I have my own kids but I keep coming back to the fact that he or she is family too.

OP posts:

mrsjay · 29/04/2013 20:40

I cant imagine what it is like for you torn between the baby and your own family, are you in contact with SS at all ? I know a woman who has a brood of kids with a drunken abusive man I dont and wont understand it,

musickeepsmesane · 29/04/2013 20:45

YANBU. At all. The number of women who have proven they cannot parent yet go on to have 5/6/7 kids is shocking. Their children are either with family members or fostered, yet they keep getting pregnant. It is their right to have children. The rights of the children.....well, that is just not important. You are doing amazingly well already, don't feel you have to take on a newborn. SS will sort it. You concentrate on the two you have, they will need all the love you have.

Finola1step · 29/04/2013 20:46

You are a fantastic aunt and thank goodness your niece and nephew have you in their lives.

I doubt it will be your decision about what will happen with this new baby. I think it would be wise to discuss your concerns with ss sooner rather than later. I know this may sound awful right now, but there are options and you don't have to take on a newborn. There are countless people wanting to adopt babies.

1Catherine1 · 29/04/2013 20:52

There are countless people wanting to adopt babies.

That's very true. You needn't take on this responsibly too and the baby will be very happy in an adoptive home. Your DNeice and DNephew are very lucky to have you.

NoSuchFairytale · 29/04/2013 20:55

Thanks all. The woman is just a waste. Dnephew is still waking in the middle of the night with nightmares about her partner. This is baby no3 by dad no3 also.

TBH this sounds terrible what I'm about to say despite saying above about family but I'm more incensed that she's gone on to have another without giving a glance at the two here already rather than the fact another will be put in the same boat.

With SS already involved at least they should hopefully have a better grip on things as they're already aware of the situation with the first two.

OP posts:

purpleloosestrife · 29/04/2013 22:29

You are amazing. Your DN's are very, very lucky to have you

I foster babies and constantly worry about whether they will find a fab "forever" home. Nationally, it is true that there is a massive shortage of "babies" versus adopters. However, regionally this does change from council to council and there ISN'T a national register. A baby can have grown up ( and then have "missed " their prime age for adoption ) as in most areas they are only "offered" locally. It can take years to find an adopting family if this crucial window has been missed.

It makes me

kiwimumof2boys · 30/04/2013 01:28

Poor kids. But, they are so lucky to have an aunty like you. Are your parent/s around ? what do they think of all this ?

mrsjay · 30/04/2013 09:31

some women cant see past the man in their life OP I have seen it a few times baby after baby it is tragic for the children

fuzzpig · 30/04/2013 09:47

Poor baby (at high risk of foetal alcohol syndrome presumably?) and poor DNs who will only see that their mum is moving on without them :(

diddl · 30/04/2013 09:56

So her current partner was abusive to her son?

Don't tell me-he'll be given a chance to be a father to his own child??

With any luck she won't be allowed to keep the baby-& if you can't then he/she will be put up for adoption.

fuzzpig · 30/04/2013 10:09

All very hypothetical but if baby is adopted does that also mean DNs will not have the chance to get to know their sibling?

diddl · 30/04/2013 10:15

I would hope that that would be factored in tbh.

Piemother · 30/04/2013 10:25

It's really hard as it goes against most mothers instinct. Most of us would move mountains to get the kids back and look after th&m and not contemplate another baby until this was done

Justforlaughs · 30/04/2013 17:03

OP, you deserve a medal! those children are lucky to have you around. Your DSis sounds a waste of time to me. It must be SO hard for you to know what to do as, I have no doubt, you won't be happy if the baby goes into care. Family is Family, but these children are NOT your responsibility unless you want them to be. YANBU at all to think she should take care of the children she already has before contemplating having another one, I'm sorry to say it but women like this make me think they should be sterilised when they give birth.

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