Dp eating Dd's lunch

(145 Posts)
ImIBeingTotalyUnreasonable Sat 27-Apr-13 13:33:47

Dp always does this before Dd has had a chance to eat.

Today we got home at lunch, 19 month Dd is ready for a nap and hungry. Cue me rushing around cooking some spag bol. pasta for her lunch whilst 'D'p sits reading the paper. Dd is too tired to eat so I put her down for her nap. Meanwhile Dp has eaten all of Dd's lunch, which she would have eaten after her nap.

Now my question is what self respecting adult eats their child's food before they've had a chance to eat?! I'm sick and tired of telling him to give her a chance to eat before he eats her food. And it's not like we don't have any other food in the house either. It drives me absolutely nuts!

frillyflower Sun 28-Apr-13 12:28:10

It's totally ok to reheat food if its thoroughly reheated.

Cerisier Sun 28-Apr-13 12:29:59

He'll occasionally give Dd a bath but won't dress her. He'll take Dd swimming but again won't get her changed. He doesn't do dirty nappies, just wet ones and only when asked. I have sat and waited for him to do it but I don't like Dd sitting in her mess, so I change her

Unbelievable. He doesn't deserve to be a father. Male animals often do more for their offspring than your DP does for his DD.

"He would not think to feed Dd unless i specifically asked."
That really caught my attention. Everything that is alive needs to feed; every human, every dog, cat, hamster, spider and fly. Everything. To not be able to see that - to not be capable of TAKING FOR GRANTED that hunger will exist and a child must be fed - well, I know you said your husband doesn't have learning difficulties OP; but something, something really fundamental is most definitely lacking in him. I don't know if that something is empathy, or a recognition that other people actually exist and matter just as much as him, or something I can't even imagine; but something is missing sad.

nkf Sun 28-Apr-13 13:39:55

Spag bol takes hours. How do you manage to make just one portion? And odd that he ate it. All very odd.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sun 28-Apr-13 13:44:21

nkf she was only making the pasta, she had a portion of sauce in the fridge to go on top.

nkf Sun 28-Apr-13 13:47:59

Ok. Yes, very odd.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Sun 28-Apr-13 14:33:39

This is all a bit weird. At the risk of making you repeat yourself OP, are you sure there are no childhood issues coming to the surface here? To semi-hijack: I always had enough to eat as a child, but my dad had a bit of a thing with food so would often take food off my plate and kick off if I tried to argue. Once I'd made myself toast and he walked up and took it out of my hand! I don't know whether it's related, but I have a very similar approach to eating as your DH now, and sometimes find myself unthinkingly going to pinch DS's food (I resist though). Have you had a chat with him when you're not in the heat of the moment?

Chunderella Sun 28-Apr-13 15:18:23

This all sounds very strange. My initial thought was that he had an eating disorder, but apparently not. It doesn't even make sense for it to be about him not accepting responsibility either, because most people don't go round taking food from the plates of children they're not responsible for. It has to be something more than that, and I found the comments about his jealousy very telling. Its one thing not feeding her, that could be laziness. Its quite another actively trying to prevent her from being fed.

Although I'm surprised at the number of people who think its unacceptable for a parent ever to eat before a child. I almost always have my breakfast before DD. I'm usually famished when I wake up and indeed get light headed sometimes if I leave it too long before eating. DD on the other hand is like her dad and doesn't care to eat much early in the day. So I have my breakfast first, then I try and give her some if she looks ready. If not, I wait. I change her and make her comfortable first, of course, and when she was very little I had to feed her first and just made sure to have bananas or brunch bars to hand before getting up. But I hardly see how it makes sense for me to wait perhaps an hour and a half, becoming sufficiently light headed that it might impair my ability to care for my baby, just so she can be fed first.

Bobyan Sun 28-Apr-13 15:32:15

He's using you and you're letting him.

coppertop Sun 28-Apr-13 16:13:07

So he doesn't give her food unless told, and even then won't prepare it in the way she likes.

If you give her food he will take it and eat it himself.

He would rather leave her in her own mess than change her nappies.

He only baths her "occasionally".

I'm really struggling to see how you can possibly describe him as "a good dad". What does he do to take care of her, without having to be prompted?

wonderingagain Sun 28-Apr-13 18:37:14

Has he got an issue with bodily functions? Is he fussy about dirt?

wonderingagain Sun 28-Apr-13 18:39:59

He sounds like a Victorian.

greenformica Sun 28-Apr-13 20:03:48

What you need to do is this - make him a meal with his favorite pie (or what ever) and just before he sits down, ask him to get the salt/tomato ketchup etc and as he is fetching stuff, eat his pie. Do this every time he eats your DD's food and he will get the message. You may also be a few pounds heavier.

Alternatively every time he eats DD's food, serve the baby DP's main meal later that evening. Even if you have to whizz it in the blender.

notsoyoniface Sun 28-Apr-13 20:33:53

I was wayyy off the mark then, and to that I do apologise for my comment if it pissed you off (understandably so) <sorry> flowers

I hope you find a way to get through to 'd'p.

onedev Sun 28-Apr-13 20:34:58

Definitely not a British thing - this is specific to your DH.

I don't know how you put up with it tbh.

ImIBeingTotalyUnreasonable Sun 28-Apr-13 20:47:05

Thanks for all the responses. At least I can see that it's not me who is being completely awkward. Having spoken to my bro. about it he couldn't understand it.

We discussed his various food related habits this afternoon, I made it very clear what I thought. I said that had he behaved in the way he does early in our relationship, it would certainly have been a deal breaker for me. I value good manners highly, its the way I was brought up. Right now his behaviour makes disgusted to the point I have little respect of him. And he needs to make an effort or seek help because its not normal behaviour.

I really can't see these issues as having anything to do with his childhood. He comes from a wealthy background and his every need was catered for. I do agree where that he lacks empathy, he's often competitive with tiredness or illness. Even with Dd.

No issues with bodily functions apart from sitting, reading on the loo for 40 mins. Copes with dirt etc.

I describe him as a good dad because he provides financially, the rest is lacking as far as I'm concerned. He does interact/ play with Dd, just this evening he has read to her before bed.

wondering I think so too. And FIL is exactly the same. Not with food so much but his expectations of our Dd.

wonderingagain Sun 28-Apr-13 21:06:07

I wonder if he's just clicked into being his father for a while. That's really hard to address. I guess you have to find out whether he wants to be Victorian Dad at all costs of whether he wants to be Modern Partner and work with you to bring up this child.

Put it to him - in the end it's a lifestyle choice - it's that simple. He can choose one or the other but you only have one option unless of course you're Elizabeth Bennett and wander round the house in a frilly apron smiling demurely.

ZZZenagain Sun 28-Apr-13 21:48:06

how did he react.

ZZZenagain Sun 28-Apr-13 21:48:45

lost my question mark

It took DH a while to "get" it. I think you are starting on the right track but it will be a long journey.

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