To just want a supportive driving instructor?

(86 Posts)
BoyMeetsWorld Wed 24-Apr-13 20:03:05

I think this may be all my fault but I'm really not sure & DH is saying he's going to phone the driving school & complain because I make myself sick worrying about my lessons and end up in tears after every one....

I'm a terrible terrible driver. I've tried to learn 4 different times with 4 different instructors (I'm now 28) and given up each time as the instructor basically said they couldn't teach me.

This time is the worst - I really desperately want to pass so I can do the school run with my DS. I'm trying so so hard to do everything the instructor tells me. But he says everything I do is wrong: I use a 'pathetic action' when I steer, I grab at the gears, I go too fast when I should be going slow and too slow when I should be going fast, I can't judge distance and he says I don't look anywhere. He shouts at me all the way round or else huffs and puffs and tells me I'm making everything difficult. At the end of my lesson today he told me he just doesn't understand me, I'm very unusual and he thinks I don't look at all. I tried to tell him I do - im constantly looking as im petrified of hurting myself or anyone else, but I don't understand what I'm seeing.

I know he hates teaching me. But when I joined, I told them I was awful & very nervous. I suggested I might be better with automatic after 4 lessons but he said that was stupid. But he can't fix me.

DH says I need to change instructors but I think it's just me. I'm awful & no matter how hard I try I'm just no good. The saddest thing is, in myself, I'd started to feel I was doing much better than ever before. But he still says everything I'm doing is awful.

Is there a driving school or an instructor out there who could work with me? I really do want to learn, I don't want to be useless at this anymore confused

Thank you for listening & for your thoughts

Liskey Fri 26-Apr-13 07:56:58

Another one voting to change instructor. DH learnt to drive at the age of 35 - first instructor was happy to just drive around but didn't want to work on his poor points, only when he stopped instructor did the new one let him drive around watching him and then agree on points that needed attention - DH then passed test at first attempt.

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Fri 26-Apr-13 09:23:42

OP I've messaged you

BoyMeetsWorld Fri 26-Apr-13 18:30:57

Thanks to all who have pm'd me..I've booked to go with a lady who talked to me for a good half hour on the phone & seemed lovely. She was recommended by lots of people, including on here. So fingers crossed!!!

Last lesson with terrifying instructor tomorrow, eek.

Thank you so much for your kind words & support - & for those who have suggested some people should not be on the road: I would say that, if there is no physical or mental disability present, anybody should be capable of learning anything, with time patience and a teacher who gets how to help them understand. When you have children depending on your transport in order to be able to take all the opportunities available to them, including getting to a decent school, failure is not an option. So I will persevere...

dexter73 Fri 26-Apr-13 22:50:05

Good luck with your new instructor!

HerrenaHarridan Sat 27-Apr-13 09:11:51

Don't worry op done people are just knobbers, they can't help it!

Fwiw my instructor said he'd rather teach someone who was over cautious to be more confident than someone who is blind to potential hazards to spot them.

cazcastles Mon 12-Aug-13 10:49:53

I am a Driving Instructor and find it strange that other instructors make their pupils cry or tell them to give up driving. I deal with nervous pupils all the time in an automatic and not one has given up. I lve the Ely area of cambridge.

LimitedEditionLady Mon 12-Aug-13 11:53:36

Ive had two instructors,the first from a big company and my current one is independant.I think.it is a case of finding one you gel with as the first one was a goid one but his teaching style wasnt right with me and i dont know why but i felt anxious with him but i dont know why cod he was a nice bloke.so i tried another one and its going great,we have the same style and actually have a laugh while im learning and now i love my lessons.Everyone has good and bad driving days and some things take longer to learn.persevere and youll get there.All the best,believe in yourself hun x

trinity0097 Mon 12-Aug-13 12:13:09

I would recommend spending lots of time as a passenger talking out loud what the driver should be doing, what hazards they should be aware of etc... When I learnt to drive as a teen this is what I had to do a couple of times with my BSM instructor. That way you can start to learn to read the road without also having to do the driving.

NutcrackerFairy Mon 12-Aug-13 12:13:16

Oh learning to drive sucks OP!

Driving is so much easier once you have your license and can do it for yourself with no-one breathing over your shoulder.

I know what you mean about looking and not knowing what you're looking at. This is because you are trying to hard to second guess the instructor, who no doubt will tell you you got it wrong anyway hmm

I had an instructor like the one you described, would huff and puff and criticise constantly. It seemed to me that the instructor's requirements changed every lesson, so one day I'd be too close to the car in front and the next, when I tried to correct my previous mistake, I was told that I was driving too slow and too far away from the car in front.

Honestly it SUCKs and you end up feeling such a failure and like you can't get anything right.

OP, I would ditch your current instructor and keep trying to find someone you click with. I went through four instructors until I found the right one... but when I did I grew in confidence and actually started to enjoy my lessons. And I finally passed my test!

Good luck OP, you'll get there I promise. Just find the right instructor for you!

ComposHat Mon 12-Aug-13 13:22:12

I have no wish to be horrible but are you sure driving is really for you?

You current driving instructor -who sounds like a total arse btw- plus three other driving professionals seem to be of the opinion you shouldn't be out on the road.

If you're getting flustered now in a controlled driving environment, how are yoi going to be in the organised chaos of parkong outside school with other cars arriving and departing left right and centre and kids running between cars. Throw in a small child acting up in the back and it seems like a recipe for stress.

Maybe think if you really need that in your life.

ICBINEG Mon 12-Aug-13 13:27:56

zombie thread unless the OP comes back and tells us she passed....

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