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To not want DP's ex to fly halfway across the world to visit him?

(155 Posts)
SlumberingDormouse Wed 24-Apr-13 13:25:57

A bit of background though I want to keep this short and relatively unidentifiable - we've been together a year; he was with her for a year from 2010-2011. She broke up with him after she cheated multiple times, lied to him about having a terminal illness, borrowed hundreds of pounds off him that she still hasn't paid back, etc. She then emigrated. Since she moved to Oz she has kept in touch with my DP even after we got together. She posts private jokes on his FB wall and tags him in pictures from years ago so they show up as most recent! All very annoying and we have argued over it, but I've snooped blush so I know for certain there's nothing more going on. My DP is lovely, almost too nice sometimes. He worries about hurting people. I have however persuaded him to take a harder line with her and he has now successfully got back some of the money she owed him. But now she wants to fly back and visit him! I don't think it's likely to happen as she has no money. But if it does, I really don't want him to see her. I think it is inappropriate as we are serious (discussing getting engaged) and she continues to try to manipulate him. AIBU?

CalamityKate Thu 02-May-13 15:01:58

She's not going to be happy and I bet she won't give up without a fight.

SlumberingDormouse Thu 02-May-13 17:51:51

She can be pissed off all she likes, but he has made his choice and in the end it was a no-brainer for him. He told her that she can of course visit the UK any time she likes but she will NOT be welcome and will not be seeing DP, his family or me as we have all moved on.

AnyFucker Thu 02-May-13 20:00:51

It was a no-brainer for him ?

Come on love, if it wasn't for us you would have this woman in your boyfriend's house any day now, wearing your perfume and slagging you off

Get real

Doubtfuldaphne Thu 02-May-13 20:27:35

She needs to give your man the money - not spend it on a bloody plane ticket!
She must know he's a little soft so is thinking she can still mess him about - he must take a stand and preferably delete her from facebook.

DontmindifIdo Fri 03-May-13 08:08:37

Be very wary about moving in with or pushing your relationship forward with this man for a while (I'd say at least another year), because as AF says, it wasn't a no-brainer for him, he had to be told, repeatidly by you why this wasn't acceptable, and in the end had to think he was going to lose you and be forced to chose between you - he didn't chose to end his contact with her because he wanted too, he chose to end it because he didn't want to lose you. While that's great that he wants to be with you more than being in contact with his exP, it doesn't mean he was ready to cut ties with her, and that is something I would allow time to check if he's fully emotionally committed to your relationship - because as of 24 hours ago, he wasn't (still being slightly emotionally committed to his previous relationship).

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