DP leaving baby DD in car

(123 Posts)
NotSoNervous Wed 17-Apr-13 13:31:47

Me and DP don't agree at all on this and I don't think I'm over acting and I know you ladies will be brutally honest.

DP thinks its okay to leave 6mo DD in the car on her own while he goes in the shop and grabs a paper/drink ect he can't always get parked right outside which I don't think matters but sometimes he has to park 4 or 5 cars away but he doesn't think there's a problem if its locked and I think it's completely wrong and it pisses me of everytime

WIBU me or DP?

squeakytoy Wed 17-Apr-13 14:17:02

McKayz.. there is a risk the shop may get held up at gunpoint.. there is a risk the person carrying the baby may trip and drop the baby...

In other words there is a risk associated with every move you make, all the time.

If we all stopped doing anything because of a "risk no matter how tiny".. we wouldnt get very much done..

valiumredhead Wed 17-Apr-13 14:18:50

No, under no circumstances would I leave a child in the car.

McKayz Wed 17-Apr-13 14:18:56

That's true. But leaving my DC in the car is not a risk I would take and neither would DH

fairylightsinthespring Wed 17-Apr-13 14:20:08

Its not about laziness, its being practical and rational about risks. Anything CAN happen anytime, you just have to weigh up the likelihood of it and act accordingly which is why this particular issue is so dependent on exact cirumstances. If DD is asleep, getting her out WILL wake her. If she's been asleep for 20 mins, she'll not go back again, so that's it for the day and she will be a whingy whiney-arse all afternoon and have no fun. If I leave her in the car for a two minute nip in somewhere and she sleeps the rest of a journey, gets an hour, everyone's happy. Incidentally, I fell down the stairs the other day, home alone, not carrying one of the kids but I could have been, I could have been knocked out cold, or bleeding from the head, I could have left the iron on just before this, or the tap running. I think its laziness to have a hard and fast rule that you never think about breaking depending on the situation and the OPs husband is entitled to his view - why is she not BU for not respecting HIS views? Why does he automatically have to defer to her judgement on this one?

wineandroses Wed 17-Apr-13 14:22:43

Never have, never will. Things that could happen (and I realise that the chances of most happening are negligible, though not impossible):

- Something happens in the shop/garage/to me and I can't get back to car quickly, so DD is left alone;
- DD awakes and is distressed;
- DD is awake, undoes car seat, gets out of car and wanders off (depends on age, obvs);
- DD, awake, undoes car seat, lifts off hand-brake and car rolls down road (this actually happened to us shock whilst we were standing by the car talking to neighbour);
- Another vehicle hits the car and injures DD, or starts a fire;
- At garage, some sort of accident involving fire;
- Car left open (so alarm doesn't activate) and someone kidnaps DD.

Each to their own, but all of these risks are in my mind and it is so easy to just take the child with you. Your DH should respect your concerns and stop being so bloody lazy.

Saski Wed 17-Apr-13 14:24:08

I agree it's about weighing up risks. I'd definitely leave a baby alone in a locked car for 2 minutes if she was asleep or happily engaged, I can't see the problem.

If it were fumey or the locks were not great, no.

Saski Wed 17-Apr-13 14:27:40

Leaving a kid strapped in car so you can do a 2 minute task much more easily is not lazy. I don't understand the use of this word here.

The only real risk here is that she'd wake and become distressed. I don't see how this is any different than a number of circumstances that one would avoid, but find themselves in at some points. A well-adjusted baby will survive being left alone for 2-3 minutes in a secure environment.

pleasestoptalking Wed 17-Apr-13 14:30:28

YANBU - I never leave my children in the car on their own under any circumstances. It's not the same as popping to the loo or into the garden. You can't hear the children, you may not be able to see the children and they cannot let you know if they need you.

Either pop to the shops at a more convenient time when the baby is awake or take the baby / children with you.

Quenelle Wed 17-Apr-13 14:32:56

I have always left DS in the car at petrol stations. There are no pay at pumps available locally and I think there is more risk to DC crossing busy petrol forecourts than sitting in the car.

Fakebook Wed 17-Apr-13 14:40:07

"YANBU, my DH told me off when I admitted to leaving DD in the car whilst I paid for petrol!"

Did you tell him to fuck off? Honestly, who doesn't leave their children in the car when paying for petrol? I'd rather lock them in and run in and pay than faff around 10 hours removing them from car seats and then putting them back in.

OP, YABU. If he's running in to get the paper then I don't see the problem.

sarahtigh Wed 17-Apr-13 14:40:50

there was a thread about a week ago about leaving children in cars

your DD is a baby so no possibility of undoing seatbelt etc

there is no such thing as risk free,

i tend to agree with your DH but you are both parents and your opinion does not trump his or vice versa

personally i think the risks mentioned are so miniscule as to be quite safely ignored

the police/ SS are not remote;y interested in a child left in car for 2 minutes while buying paper/ milk/ paying for petrol they would be interested in a child left outside ASDA for instance

no child will over- heat in a car in 2 minutes even if 35C outside they might in 20-30 minutes

nothing is risk free , baby waking while Dh in shops no problem igf only 2-3 minutes, it is like if child cries when you are driving not always safe to stop and sometimes not legal if on motorway you have to go to next junction service station to stop however much they are crying

SilverSky Wed 17-Apr-13 14:47:30

I would never forgive myself if something happened to the car or the child(ren) whilst I'd been in a shop. It's not worth it. We are not magicians. We won't be able to turn back the clock.

Getting petrol is different as you can see the car at all times. As is the cash point, I park on top- right next to it.

sparechange Wed 17-Apr-13 15:04:31

SilverSky, would you be able to forgive yourself if something happened to them while they were in the shop with you?
What about if they were in the car with you and you crashed?

For what it is worth, I've seen two cars blow up/catch fire.
Both were being driven on a motorway at the time.

So I presume the logical conclusion is that none of the OPs who are worried about cars blowing up will ever, ever drive on a motorway again? hmm

SquirrelNuts Wed 17-Apr-13 15:10:54

YANBU i dont care how low the risk of anything happening is, its not worth taking that chance just because youre too lazy to get them out the car

NotSoNervous Wed 17-Apr-13 15:12:34

Seems like a 50/50 split then

livinginwonderland Wed 17-Apr-13 15:20:37

my parents did this with me all the time. i always asked to sit in the car from the age of about 5/6 if my mum had to go into the shop quickly, because it meant i got to control the radio!

if it's literally only for a few minutes, i don't see the problem.

undercoverSAHM Wed 17-Apr-13 15:52:24

sarahtigh

"no child will over- heat in a car in 2 minutes even if 35C outside they might in 20-30 minutes"

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (USA), 'the temperatures in a locked car in the summer sun can climb from 78 degrees to 100 degrees in just three minutes, to 125 degrees in 6-8 minutes.'

How long does it take for a car to get hot if not in direct sun?

Outside temperatureTemperature in carTime it takes to reach
75 100 10 minutes
75 120 30 minutes
85 90 5 minutes
85 100 7 - 10 minutes
85 120 30 minutes
100 140 15 minutes

Sorry the chart is not in centigrade but if the temp outside is about 35C (well above 85F) , as you say, then even 7 minutes would make the car dangerously hot. Please don't give people the impression that 20-30 mins would be acceptable in those circumstances. That could cost a life in a very horrific fashion.

So it's not 50:50 on a hot day.

GirlOutNumbered Wed 17-Apr-13 17:12:08

Mine are left in car when going in for two or three items. I can't carry child seat and hold hand of 3 year old in shop.
It happens rarely, but I don't have problem with it.

i will leave my 4 and 6yo in the car if i'm just popping into our corner shop as the spaces are right outside.

but i wouldnt have left them in there when they were babies.

sarahtigh Wed 17-Apr-13 18:12:10

but my point was that 2-3 minutes will not overheat a child in UK temperature is not often above 20 (68F)

I would never leave child 20-30 minutes but was just suggesting that you would not be seriously ill from heat in 2-3 minutes you could be seated in car with engine off for that length of time at traffic lights

OP was asking about leaving child for 2-3 minutes, my DD is 3 and would leave her in locked car while paid for petrol went to post office/ village shop while car was parked outside, we live in sleepy village where everyone knows everyone I might think differently in central london

i would never take her out of car at petrol station

with older children i think there is bigger risk as they can undo seat belts release hand brake activate alarm get out of car

my other point is that people were exaggerating the risks of leaving child in car

BlueberryHill Wed 17-Apr-13 18:29:44

Similar situation to sarahtigh, small village shop, park outside and I watch the car, leave them in the car whilst getting petrol. I judge the risks of going across a forecourt much higher than leaving them in the car.

Its not laziness, I have toddler twins, its about safety. Mind you, I did the same with DS1, still not laziness, its assessing risk and acting accordingly.

ohshutup Wed 17-Apr-13 18:33:42

yanbu anything can happen , car might get hit , nicked or catch alight ,yes very rare but can happen !

BallerinaZeena Wed 17-Apr-13 18:36:54

YABU. Stupidly excluded etx (boiling hot day etc etc) I can't see the problem.

They are probably safer in a parked and locked car than they are when it's being driven.

formicaqueen Wed 17-Apr-13 18:38:40

If I am parking next to the shop and can see the kids all the time whilst in the shop I don't mind.

formicaqueen Wed 17-Apr-13 18:38:52

but only for two or three mins

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