To have expected a bit more from my mother following engagement?

(85 Posts)
amandine07 Sun 07-Apr-13 13:06:06

So OH and I have just got engaged smile

The first people we told were my parents, this morning in fact. While my dad seemed rather excited and was congratulating us, my mum hardly said anything & didn't seem interested in asking any questions or details about the wedding etc, my dad lead the way asking questions when usually he's the quiet one.

I don't know what to think. My OH feels a bit deflated & on our way home he was saying that my mum didn't look that happy- he was right, even though I tried to make some excuses.
Even as we said our goodbyes, my mum was just like "oh, see you soon" to both of us, she didn't say the one word I was expecting- congratulations.

God, I feel a bit embarrassed- I'm 35 yrs old, not a teenager about to elope...now wishing I'd just sent a text or done a brief phonecall!
I mean I wasn't expecting fireworks & champagne spraying everywhere, but I was hoping for some excitement from them or even just looking half pleased for us.
AIBU...?!

Bunbaker Tue 09-Apr-13 20:06:45

OH and I lived together before we decided to get married. when we told our families no-one was at all surprised because it was "on the cards" so to speak. MIL just said "Oh I am pleased" and I can't even remember my mum's reaction. I recall feeling a little deflated by their reactions, but it didn't last long.

They were both pleased for us but just weren't the sort of people to jump up and down for joy.

Perhaps your mum is the same and perhaps she is thinking about the expense of yet another family wedding.

Congratulations anyway.

amandine07 Tue 09-Apr-13 20:17:17

AKiss thanks a lot, yes very happy! smile
Yes it's hard as over the last few days it has been stick in my mind how my mum seemed- and how it made my OH feel.

I've decided that I don't want to turn it in to a thing and make a big deal about it, but I'm not going to forget about it soon.

amandine07 Tue 16-Apr-13 19:11:55

Has been a great week seeing friends and other family members sharing our news- everyone has been delighted to hear that we're getting married!

Not been in touch with my mum for over a week (this is not unusual), my OH is keen for me to talk to her and find out what the problem is.

I've decided to ignore things for now and not make a big issue. To be honest, I think my mum would probably deny not being happy despite the look on her face and lack of anything positive to say.

To those who asked re the parents in law- my OH's parents live abroad in Italy and they have never met my parents and probably won't until the wedding day.
Have decided to just enjoy the moments & get planning with the OH for the wedding and our future together smile

seriouscakeeater Tue 16-Apr-13 19:32:07

Congratulations!!!!!!!!

She might be feeling old and left out...ignore and enjoy! xx

amandine07 Tue 16-Apr-13 20:25:22

Thank you!
I want to get my mum involved as much as possible but she really doesn't seem that impressed with our plan to get married!

Maybe it's all too much as my two younger siblings are getting married this year. Maybe she's hoping that as I'm the eldest I'll stay at home keep her company when she's elderly and my father is driving her insane! wink

AnyoneforTurps Tue 16-Apr-13 20:44:57

Well I don't think YABU at all. Who cares if you're 35 or have lived together? It's still a very exciting step and an important new phase of your life.

Hard to know why your DM reacted like this. My mother was the same - 2 months after we got engaged, she hadn't even bothered to tell her best friend. In my DM's case, I think it was she is essentially uninterested in anything that isn't about her.

Lovesabadboy Tue 16-Apr-13 22:11:10

Congratulations Amandine!

My mum actually reacted angrily when we told her we were engaged. sad
It was horrible and washed away our excitement.
We were 24 and 29, so not exactly youngsters!

The next day, she rang me at work (although I still lived at home, and did until we got married) to say that she had already rung the vicar to get the ball rolling. shock and was absolutely full of it!

It was obviously utter shock that had made her react in such a horrid way.

I really hope that you find it is the same with your mum. flowers

amothersplaceisinthewrong Tue 16-Apr-13 22:15:31

My Mother rang me up after we announced our engagment in person to them and said that she did not think DH was the right man, I should call the whole thing off, it would never work. That was 26 years ago and we are still going strong

in her case it was all about control....

amandine07 Wed 17-Apr-13 19:59:43

Thank you!

Well it remains to be seen how my mum is as we get going with the preparations. I really hope she shows some interest and enthusiasm...it's been lovely to have had such wonderful messages from friends and other family.

It just left a really horrible, sinking feeling in my stomach- that's whyi posted this thread in the first place. It wasn't about wanting the world to jump up and down screaming about our news, or even for my mum do that. I just wanted her to seem happy and give us both a hug.

I don't want this to set the tone for future relations, that's why I've not said anything so far. My OH definitely felt frostiness from my mum, he's commented that he's going to give my parents a wide berth for a while.
So, completely the opposite scenario to what i was hoping after telling my parents! [

amandine07 Wed 17-Apr-13 20:00:09

Thank you!

Well it remains to be seen how my mum is as we get going with the preparations. I really hope she shows some interest and enthusiasm...it's been lovely to have had such wonderful messages from friends and other family.

It just left a really horrible, sinking feeling in my stomach- that's whyi posted this thread in the first place. It wasn't about wanting the world to jump up and down screaming about our news, or even for my mum do that. I just wanted her to seem happy and give us both a hug.

I don't want this to set the tone for future relations, that's why I've not said anything so far. My OH definitely felt frostiness from my mum, he's commented that he's going to give my parents a wide berth for a while.
So, completely the opposite scenario to what i was hoping after telling my parents! sad

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