to think that my H shouldn't expect my parents to pay my plane fare?

(97 Posts)

OK. I'm an American married to an Englishman, 2 kids (1 born in USA 1 born in UK), we live in the UK NEVER visit the USA. H thinks if my parents want to see us they should pay our airfares. In the past 18 years I have been back twice-- last time was 12 years ago. My parents come out to see us, about once every two years, so we do see them.

But I feel that my kids are missing out, my parents come out and visit us but the kids have no idea of what their lives are like on their home territory, so to speak, and I also have a sister who I've only seen twice in the past 20 years... she has a good job and lives in an interesting part of the USA so it could be a ready-made holiday to go out and see her/my parents.

It just really grates on my nerves that H thinks that they 'owe' us, he always takes advantage when they are here, i.e. expects them to always pick up the tab at restaurants (which they do), they're grateful that we have a guest room for them to stay in, and they always insist on buying all our groceries etc when they come over. They've also given us large amounts of cash in the past when we've needed it... financed us for a couple of years when we moved back to the USA, etc.

Last night he was saying that it was a shame that they never 'put their hands in their pockets' I think that was how he put it, and he regaled me yet again (he does this often) of stories of how others in similar situations had their parents paying their airfares, flying them out twice a year, and booking them in for holidays in exotic locations in the USA... implying that my parents fall short of the mark.

I just wonder what other people do or would expect their parents to do?
(My parents aren't tremendously wealthy) I am feeling quite disgusted by H's attitude and wouldn't dare tell my parents what is going on-- or why for the umpteenth year in a row we are going to be unable to come visit them!

BTW. In case you were wondering I am not working at the moment, I did work full time up until about 3 years ago, it is a sore point with him, as it's 'his' money it's not a question of just going ahead and booking it up without his permission! sad

Emo76 Wed 03-Apr-13 18:57:54

Well he sounds like quite the catch.... angry

YANBU

They sound very generous. Your H does not.

My parent live in the ME and have paid for me and DS to visit (dh couldn't get holidays) but it wasn't expected. If we couldn't afford to pay to go over, we wouldn't have approached them asking to visit. When I was there I made sure I bought groceries, a family meal, filled the car etc.

He's being a twat. Why should your parents finance all this stuff? Next time he says something, list all of the things they have done for you, especially the financial side of things.

Bobyan Wed 03-Apr-13 19:01:34

Ltb, go and live with your parents instead, they sound lovely.

LemonBreeland Wed 03-Apr-13 19:01:50

Your H is a greedy twunt. I would be embarassed by his grabby attitude tbh.

zwischenzug Wed 03-Apr-13 19:02:19

Emo76 has summed everything up more or less.

CarpeVinum Wed 03-Apr-13 19:03:38

I live in Italy, with my Italian husband and our child.

He doesn't expect my family to pay the fares for me (and kid) to go home.

He, like me, sees it as one of the normal expenses that come as part of the package of a mixed nationality family/couple. Just like the rather large phone bill used to be until we got a special EU calls flat rate. Just like the parcels from amazon uk full of things he doesn't understand like golden syrup and black treacle.

You like me spend your life away from home, family and unspoken cultural refences that don't need explaining (to people with be,used faces). You like me probably spend a fair bit of time feeling like a fish put of water some days. Compared to that I don't see how he can see the occasional airfare home as such massive "sacrifice" for the family (as in your two's family, not your family origin) to absorb for the sake of you touching base with home, and your child being familiar, first hand with their other culture.

And big fat hug, cos that would upset me mightlily..on days when I had been harranged for my "strange" child rearing practices that attitude would have pushed me over the edge.

AThingInYourLife Wed 03-Apr-13 19:04:02

Maybe they'd be happy to cover your airfare if you weren't married to such a grabby, greedy cunt?

Emilythornesbff Wed 03-Apr-13 19:04:46

Are his parents still alive?
Do you see them?

CarpeVinum Wed 03-Apr-13 19:05:00

to people with be,used faces

That would be bemused

Not sure what a used face looks like.

DublinMammy Wed 03-Apr-13 19:05:08

YaaNBU. He sounds very spoilt and grabby. They certainly do NOT have to pay.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 03-Apr-13 19:05:12

Wow. He's really grabby, isn't he?

I hate it when people think that other people's money is rightfully theirs.

Is he talking of Inheritances yet?

Bunbaker Wed 03-Apr-13 19:06:25

Wow. He has a massive sense of entitlement doesn't he.

When we visit MIL 150 miles away we don't expect her to pay for the diesel.

When you have got loads of replies on here telling you what a tosser your husband is you can show him this thread grin

MrsSpagBol Wed 03-Apr-13 19:06:26

Your husband is being very unreasonable and he needs to stop talking about your parents like that. He is being very disrespectful. To them and to you.

That's the first thing.

He also seems to have a selective memory, or perhaps even memory loss. You need to tell him clearly it's not acceptable to re-write history and slag off your parents.

Finally, I think you need to sort this "his" money thing out. I presume you are not working but are providing childcare?

Iteotwawki Wed 03-Apr-13 19:06:36

I live in a separate country to my Dad - and if he wants to visit us, we pay his airfare, put him up, pay for the extra food while he's here and take him on trips out.

If we want to visit him in the UK - we pay for our flights and contribute towards his groceries, pay for all costs with sightseeing etc.

I wouldn't expect him to pay for anything.

Your H is being an arse.

Toasttoppers Wed 03-Apr-13 19:06:45

I feel sorry for you as our DH sounds horrible. DH Father lives abroad and he has never paid for us to visit him.

Wandawingsthe2nd Wed 03-Apr-13 19:06:58

biscuit for your husband.

ENormaSnob Wed 03-Apr-13 19:07:12

Eww do you have sex with this man?

Disgusting.

Out of interest, does he also expect his own parents to pay for his family like this? Does he expect to pay for your dcs like c that when they are adults? Id be embarrassed by
him too

Smellslikecatspee Wed 03-Apr-13 19:09:36

What Lemonbree said x 10000

Jollyb Wed 03-Apr-13 19:09:38

Goodness of course they shouldn't. DP is Australian. We go back every other year. We pay for our own flights. We will also be paying for his mum to come over this year as her funds are a bit tight.

Emilythornesbff Wed 03-Apr-13 19:12:02

I think a lot of men have a thing about being the sole or main earner and how that entitles them to be a bit of a tit from time to time.
most of them seem to manage to rein it in though and see sense.

Your dh is one who doesn't.
YANBU
He is behaving like a knob.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Wed 03-Apr-13 19:12:35

HIBU, grabby, greedy and generally an arsehole. Paying for trips abroad is part of the package that comes with marrying someone who is from another country. He should not expect your parents to cover that, and he sounds spectacularly rude & unappreciative of the financial help they have already given.

HildaOgden Wed 03-Apr-13 19:12:38

Your parents sound lovely,you should book a flight and visit them with your kids.

Use your joint household income to pay for it.

Stop enabling this grabby tightwad.Reclaim your share of the money,and reclaim your right to spend it as you choose.

Ps.Don't bring your husband,he'll ruin the hoilday.

Badvoc Wed 03-Apr-13 19:13:01

He sounds awful op.

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