To think that Facebook really exposes those people who have narcissistic tendencies?

(85 Posts)
CelticPixie Mon 01-Apr-13 19:24:18

For the record, I like Facebook. I like how it allows me to keep in touch with friends and relatives who live a long way from me. What I don't like is how certain people ( and it is always the same people) seem to use it as means of feeding their narcissism. I rarely update my status unless I have something to say, and then its usually something light hearted. I know for a fact that no one else would give a shit if I was "Pissed off" or if I'd "just had egg and chips for tea" or if I was going to have a "lovely night out with the girls". I never, ever respond to status' like this because I feel I'd just be reinforcing these people's deluded sense of how important and interesting they are when they are nothing of the sort.

Sometimes I just want to reply saying something of the lines of "who gives a shit?" And the worrying thing is its usually the people I've always liked a lot and got on with in real life saying this stuff?

AIBU to think that they are just narcs?

ssd Mon 01-Apr-13 19:26:30

not narcs, arseholes

aldiwhore Mon 01-Apr-13 19:27:09

Does it matter? YANBU, but you're boundaries of narcs and mine would be different, seeing as I update my status a lot because it amuses me.

I do think there are people who are twats whether they're in RL or online.

Begrudgingly, YANBU.

(But you don't get a badge for only updating your status ocassionally, and by your own admission of 'keeping in lightheated' leads me to think you're a bit of a closet narc/entertainer too... always be careful when you judge)

smile <<<< genuine not pass/agg!!

Pandemoniaa Mon 01-Apr-13 19:35:43

YANB entirely U. I spent part of a very cheery afternoon with friends on Saturday when we discussed precisely how readily FB enables those who prefer to fire attention seeking missiles. However, it isn't the volume of status updates that these people are defined by, it is the content and, in particular, the stream of passive aggressive/horrifyingly intimate/ridiculously enigmatic statements that they insist on sharing.

I'm not sure that I'd necessarily credit these people with narcissistic tendencies though, more that they have seized upon social media as the perfect stage for their twattish streams of consciousness.

CelticPixie Mon 01-Apr-13 19:39:46

Aldi I don't mind people updating their status a lot. One of my friends is a huge football fan and is alway talking about her favourite team which doesn't bother me at all really. What annoys me is the ones who update several times a day posting the most mundane shit imaginable, and then there are the attention seekers who will post something like "my life sucks" and sit back and watch all their mates reply asking "what's wrong" etc.

ToysRLuv Mon 01-Apr-13 19:40:48

I would say YANBU, but I don't really use fb for much these days. Makes me think that many of these people (who go to extremes with this kind of thing) are seeking external validation rather than being pure narcissists. But then again I might be just (unconsciously) jealous of their lovely meals and trips and (clearly staged for photos) perfect family lives. I think I'm not.

currentbuns Mon 01-Apr-13 19:42:23

I'd say it tends to bring the uncharitable and judgemental out of the woodwork, too... <wanders off whistling>

TheCraicDealer Mon 01-Apr-13 19:46:10

But then again I might be just (unconsciously) jealous of their lovely meals and trips and (clearly staged for photos) perfect family lives.

I openly admit I feel this about some of my friends on Facebook. When I see my best chum post about more nights out in Sydney or her holiday to Fiji I have to remind myself about her latest email when she told me about her food poisoning or the fact that the roof above her bedroom is leaking and she has to sleep holding a bucket.

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 19:46:36

But surely what you consider to be lighthearted may be 'egg and chips' to someone else?

I think FB has the potential for serious harm but I honestly don't think the examples you give demonstrate that> FWIW I don't respond to 'nights out with the girls' type of statuses as I assume they are only aimed at the girls who went (and as such a bit pointless) but they don't piss me off either.

Tryharder Mon 01-Apr-13 19:47:59

Most of my friends post either nothing or very little and so I quite like reading all the statuses and gossip from the 3 or 4 of my 'friends' that spend all their time on FB.

<shallow>

So on the balance of probabilities, I would say YABU!

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Mon 01-Apr-13 19:49:38

Ah, well you see I think you are being a bit U as I update my status a few times a week, also in a lighthearted manner. I always feel that those who don't update are just using FB to spy/keep an eye on what others are doing without sharing any of their life.
If someone is annoying I delete or block updates. People can do that to me as well, I don't mind.

randomtask Mon 01-Apr-13 19:50:16

What I don't get is people who put photos of presents/flowers/meals from their DP. I don't know why anyone should want to know or care about such things or really personal details. DH & I have occasionally joked that it is 'look he's not that bad really' & that we should put a picture of our bed after a particularly good evening. grin

usualsuspect Mon 01-Apr-13 19:51:58

What I don't get is the endless fucking moaning about FB on MN.

Simontowers1 Mon 01-Apr-13 19:55:20

YANBU. What I find flabbergasting is how so many people use FB basically to show off. I'm 39 now and when I was younger I'm sure I remember people being a bit more modest and self deprecating. I simply can't imagine a mindset that wants to boast to their friends about their latest holiday/new partner/the fact that their 18 month old did a shit on their potty etc. Have some modesty, humility people, please.

VelvetSpoon Mon 01-Apr-13 19:55:32

YANB entirely U.

I think general status updates are fine, I update my status quite often.

But I do know one or two people who are complete narcissistic attention seekers, and constantly either post 'Oh I'm so miserable' stuff inviting comment or post after post about their latest boyfriend/girlfriend, how wonderful they are, how they complete their life etc (normally about a week into the 'relationship').

My particular favourite are an ex-couple I know, both now with new partners (of a few weeks duration). Each has over the course of this weekend posted photos of the lovely gifts they bought by new partner/bought for them, exciting things they have done etc, lots of 'I love you, you're the best's etc, clearly all meant by the Exs as a dig at each other. It would be amusing if it wasn't quite so sad.

Hear hear usual. I thought it was just me that that had the FB arse today.

ChairmanWow Mon 01-Apr-13 20:01:53

YABU. I am a massive narc and for that reason would never update my FB status with anything so utterly tedious.

aquashiv Mon 01-Apr-13 20:03:04

I do miss the early days though when folks would steam in on arguments and say what they really thought no really thinking that it would be up there for all to see. Conversely I really liked when people did update it was nice and genuinely interesting to still have the banter with people that live hundreds of miles away. I dont update only when drunk and its usually the utterings of a disturbed mind.
Its all far too controlled now as everyone is worried of what people are thinking.
Long live the narcs without thier drama where would we be. (Have nothing to moan about either).
Its not real life its facebook.

aldiwhore Mon 01-Apr-13 20:10:17

I think it also depends on what you like to see. I have some lovely friends who post endless pictures of the dinner proudly, all I see is some weird MUSH I'd send back if I were served it in a restaurant... I don't 'get' it at all, but I don't begrudge the person posting it, I can always hide them (yet don't, because perhaps I like the fact that their amazing food looks like shit and mine doesn't but I feel no need to photograph it wink)

There are a lot of FML statuses, and though they're tedious, they're often posted by people who are actually genuinely unhappy. I don't think that seeking attention is a sin, if attention is what you are lacking, it's still up to me if Igive it or not (usually not for the repeat offenders, always for those to do it rarely as I know there must be something actually up).

The evasive statuses annoy me more than anything "I'm so happy!", "I'm so fucking pissed off right now", "If 'she' thinks she can get away with it, she's wrong" - I mean please I'm not ON FB because I'm not nosey, I'm not reading my newsfeed because I don't want to know what's going on, but I am not going to play the guessing game!! Grr.

However, it's all in my power to ignore, hide, mock privately to myself as I read, pretend I didn't see.

So maybe YABU in that you seem to be asking a question (AIBU?) but YANBU to find people annoying in general. (Football updates make me want to reach through the screen and puncture every ball ever made, but that wouldn't be very nice).

Willdoitinaminute Mon 01-Apr-13 21:42:55

YANBU your observation has just confirmed what I suspected of one FB acquaintance. I always wondered why she ever sent me a friend request. Her status changing is one long parade of 'look at me' photos and statements. Very entertaining but oddly very sad.

CorruptWalnut Mon 01-Apr-13 21:58:54

Just youtube/google Dan Bull Facebook rap

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket Tue 02-Apr-13 00:35:42

I think I have many types of irritating friends on FB! I have the:

Friend who posts lots of drama about their life and airs their dirty laundry on there. Has an army of fans and supporters to offer hugs and sympathy

Bragger friend; "Look at my new Ipad" "Aren't I a lucky girl getting this new Gucci bag" "Love my perfect little life,I have the best husband and kids ever"

Evasive friend (is also bragger friend as detailed above); lots of cryptic statuses

and many more!

It gets right on my tits, but truth is I am a nosey cow and although I don't go on FB much I can't bring myself to deactivate my account in case I want to snoop. I rarely reply to anyone on there though.

MsBella Tue 02-Apr-13 00:50:39

Hmmm yab a bit u in my opinion, there are people who are interested in these things and also the status thing does (or did?) Say 'whats on your mind' and that is what these people are saying in their statuses so I see no problem with that

If I get a nice present I will put it on my status when I can be bothere, if I'm excited for something and in the past I've done some really pissed off statuses because I needed to vent and had nowhere else to do it, also because I have a phone with facebook and its easy to just sit there with phone in hand tapping in an angry status (and then deleted it later)

I don't think its always 'for' other people to read and I don't think its because they think everyones interested, its just a way of expressing some of your thoughts

Tortington Tue 02-Apr-13 00:53:01

oh yes indeed. when i was recovering from whooping cough/ real flu nurse reckons it could hae been pluracy ( i was really ill ) and i didn't feel like i was getting enough sympathy, i turned to facebook - who were very obliging in making me feel better

i always try to post happy birthdays becuase its nowt to me to just do it - but it can mean a lot to somene else who might not have a lot of cards

PariahHairy Tue 02-Apr-13 01:08:07

Narc or narcissistic is the current buzz word, being a bit vain or boasty doesn't really qualify tbh. About 90% of the internet would qualify as narcissistic if facebook was a qualifier.

I have had the usual "child in front of a table full of tat/chocolate" posts but you know, meh.

It's the same every holiday, ooh look at how much my child/me has. I'm just meh about it all tbh, I'm not sucked in to the whole consumerist competition thing.

My kids got 2 eggs, I'm fine with that, I told them firmly that the easter bunny was not real, not being sucked into that one, stressful enough with the father christmas shite.

I haven't bought them any toys or clothes, we are not christians, if they want easter shit, they can at least go to church for the penance.

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