To have reported this to social services?

(57 Posts)
frappuccino Fri 29-Mar-13 23:34:16

I will leave out some details so as not to identify myself. I have reported a friend to social services as she is in an abusive relationship and I'm worried about the effect it may have on their children. She has admitted that her partner has physically abused her on a number of occasions, sometimes when the children have been in the house.

As well as this he controls her financially. She has two jobs and works very long hours but has to give him her wages then borrows money off family and friends because she can't afford food/petrol/Christmas presents for the children. She often stays overnight with friends because she is too scared to go home when he has been drinking heavily but will leave the children there with him. They are not small children, I'm talking teenagers here but still minors and I feel it's damaging all the same sad

teacherandguideleader Sat 30-Mar-13 08:18:42

PS - can I also suggest maybe making contact with the children's school. I have seen many families in this situation - dad controls the finances and is also an alcoholic. The children may not be being directly abused however these children often come to school hungry and school work suffers because they have nowhere safe and quiet to do their work. The school are the front line workers with the children and can probably help them the most.

ediblewoman Sat 30-Mar-13 09:24:18

It is recognised that witnessing domestic violence is a form of child abuse, so all the 'he might not be hurting the children' schtick is nonsense. OP I think you did the right thing, at least there is a possibility that the children will get support from someone so they can make choices about where they want to be. I work with our youth homeless team and in this circumstance we would be offering advice to both children about exit strategies.

OnwardBound Sat 30-Mar-13 09:41:55

I also think you have done the right thing OP.

I have to admit I was a bit hmm when you wrote that your friend was too frightened to be at home with her partner when he has been drinking so she goes to stay at a friend's, but she leaves her 14 and 16 there unprotected?

I know that victims of dv are often in a very vulnerable place and perhaps not thinking rationally, perhaps friend believes that her children are okay left with the partner.

But really, someone needs to look out for these two minors. Have they got anywhere else to go when Dad starts drinking?

SS should be able to advise and offer support for the children at least.

Wannabestepfordwife Sat 30-Mar-13 12:53:59

Yanbu your friend may not thank you but her dc probably will. I wish my mum had had a friend like you when I was growing up

zwischenzug Sat 30-Mar-13 13:23:24

Whatever your friends reaction might be is irrelevant, the children's welfare is infinitely more important than hers, as they have no choice at the moment but to live in that environment, whereas she is an adult. You definitely did the right thing.

retvet Mon 01-Apr-13 02:14:48

Ea and control and physical is very difficult. Its not something easy to understand. It was only when I saw and met others in DV groups or read woman's trust posts that I have any sort of confidence that I did right in calling time. Exhaustion is a strong factor and sounds like your friend may well be that. Also there are often other worries. I cried for 24 hours solid after making a tough call and still don't know if I did right. I decided I didn't want to be the one who stood by and did nothing. I once saw someone who said it was the making of both her mother and her father (he went to prison) when the mother reported bruising but your friend will need lots of support. I would suggest you look at woman's trust and get some support there. Its a specialised area. I was offered help but thought I was possibly just depressed as dr was saying this. It was confusing. There are interventions that can help though and maybe solicitor was something your friend wasn't ready for. Good luck. we do the best we can at the time with the tools we have. As long as we do that we can't do any more.

Longdistance Mon 01-Apr-13 03:50:08

Op yanbu. I think you did the right thing regarding protecting the dc.

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