to think sis is out of order?

(77 Posts)
appletarts Fri 29-Mar-13 19:07:11

I left dd (3yrs old) with sister all day and she was recovering from being ill, dd that is. She has only spent time alone with sis once before and not all day. Just as I was leaving sister said she hoped I wouldn't be phoning a lot, I said I would phone as much as I felt I needed to and she said that if I did she didn't want to look after dd (all this with dd standing there!). I said I would phone if I felt I needed to because I am her mother and she said laughing oh well I won't answer it then!! She also went on and on about taking dd to library when dd was still a bit ill.

The next day dd said that sis didn't cuddle her when she cried. I thought it sounded a bit odd but sis can also be very frosty. So I asked sis what dd had said and sis said she did cuddle her and she thinks in future we ought to pay a nanny as I am "suspicious and anxious" and she can't just get on with enjoying babysitting. I honestly thought she'd say of course she had cuddled her and we'd have a giggle about dd being a bit of a minx. I didn't feel suspicious and anxious but want to feel I can call to see how they are doing and if dd tells me something has happened I will ask cos that's what a good mother does surely?!

She has only babysat for dd a couple of times in 3 years. She plays lots of mind games with us and I think her responses here are odd to say the least.

jkklpu Fri 29-Mar-13 19:10:14

If you're so worried about your dsis, why did you leave your dd with her in the first place? What kind of guidance did you give her before you left, eg what activities were good to do, whether to take her out, what to feed her, what to do if she hurt herself? Some of this may be strange, but it's strange not to have discussed it all in advance.

HollyBerryBush Fri 29-Mar-13 19:12:47

I wouldn't babysit for you - constant phone calls would drive me round the bend.

Frankly, if your child is ill, your place is with the child - unless there are extenuating circumstances such as your job being jeopardy and you have no other means of keeping a roof over your head.

Nanny0gg Fri 29-Mar-13 19:12:49

Why did you leave her with your sister?
She's not used to her and you clearly don't think she knows what she's doing.

There also seems to be a back story here too.

parakeet Fri 29-Mar-13 19:13:40

You shouldn't keep phoning though - you should trust her to phone you if something goes wrong and assume everything's fine unless you hear otherwise.

You do sound suspicious and anxious, sorry. Probably best you don't ask your sister to babysit in future, sounds like it will harm your relationship.

PurplePidjin Fri 29-Mar-13 19:13:53

Easy - don't leave your child with someone you don't trust.

She's not your employee.
If I were doing you a favour like that, I would not appreciate being grilled over my standards of care wink
You know your sister and felt happy enough to leave her there, don't cut off your nose to spite your face. grin

UnChartered Fri 29-Mar-13 19:14:26

did you pay your Dsis?

I wouldn't babysit for you either.

cookielove Fri 29-Mar-13 19:16:53

Agree with others, you clearly don't trust your sister why did you leave your sick dd with her? And if my sister rang me constantly i would ignore the phone calls to, but then she trust me smile

INeedThatForkOff Fri 29-Mar-13 19:17:40

Have you been feeding your DD your misgivings about your sister? Or did you interrogate her about the day? Seems an odd thing for a child tp mention spontaneously.

I wouldn't want to babysit for you either tbh. You seem to want a favour on your own terms.

landofsoapandglory Fri 29-Mar-13 19:20:00

I agree with everyone else.

You obviously don't trust your DSis to look after your DD, so she is right you should employ a nanny or CM in the future.

Don't leave your child with anyone who plays mind games and doesn't fully want to communicate with you, whether they are related or not. She obviously has a problem with you, unless absolutely essential don't allow her to be able to include your DD in her games.

appletarts Fri 29-Mar-13 20:25:57

I think it is unreasonable to tell a mother how often she can call to find out how her child is doing. I phoned 3 times in a 9 hour day. Had to take other child to hospital.

UnChartered Fri 29-Mar-13 20:27:18

you need this to sort that drip, OP

simplesusan Fri 29-Mar-13 21:13:23

I think yabu.
You do sound suspicious and over anxious.
I wouldn't leave dc with your sis again.

HollyBerryBush Fri 29-Mar-13 21:16:25

Alternatively OP - if you choose to leave your child with someone you trust, then you trust they will call you if something is amiss.

If you don't trust them and perpetually check up, then you shouldn't be leaving the child in the first place.|

It was your sister doing you a favour, not the other way round - her rules apply.

appletarts Fri 29-Mar-13 21:25:30

What nonsense! The babysitter decides the rules, utter nonsense. I have babysat for lots of children and have always followed the mothers direction on everything and been happy to talk about how child is doing and not been so suspicious and nutty myself as to think I am being checked up on, rather mum is checking in.

BlingLoving Fri 29-Mar-13 21:30:10

Yabu. Why call? Surely if you trust her to look after dd you trust her to call if there's a problem.

At most, I might text to see how things are. And your sis going on about it at the beginning makes me think you have form for crazy levels of checking up.

pinkyredrose Fri 29-Mar-13 21:30:31

OP you sound OTT. What did you keep calling about? "has she eaten, napped, had a shit etc?"

You either trust your Dsis or you don't.

Nope, don't call. The babysitter will call with any issues. 3 times in 9 hours and she is with your sister hmm

Rikalaily Fri 29-Mar-13 21:47:13

I agree with BlingLoving It sounds to me like she made the comment because she expected lots of check up calls. I would be majorly pissed if I were baby sitting for my sister and she called that many times, I'd expect her to trust me to call if needed (child sick, child upset and wanting to talk to mummy etc), a quick text now and then to ask how they are is normal, repeated phone calls is not.

3 calls in 9 hours is excessive, if your child is with someone who you trust that is just way too many calls, a text or two is one thing but calling that often is overbearing.

From your OP and your last reply you sound like a very anxious mum, which is fine, but you shouldn't be annoyed at your sister when you have made her feel like she can't be trusted with your child.

Apileofballyhoo Fri 29-Mar-13 22:13:39

I think your sis does sound odd. I'd have phoned even my DH or DM 3 times in 9 hrs when they had DS when he was that age. I don't see anything unusual in that. I would've not been anxious or suspicious, just being communicative, supportive. I wouldn't leave DS with someone who didn't want me to phone. I fully trust my DH and DM to look after DS. I don't see the issue with phoning. Do people think if a parent phones they are checking up on them/don't trust them? Very odd attitude. I don't know why everyone is calling the OP anxious/suspicious. It is clear there are some issues with DSis.
OP I am sorry you had to leave your child with someone whom you don't appear to trust. Go with your gut instinct. Odd behaviour from your sister to not want you to phone. If you are irrationally anxious about your DD surely she would be happy to reassure you all was well.

ceeveebee Fri 29-Mar-13 22:22:25

I agree with your sister - next time pay a nanny
Either you trust her - in which case don't call - or you don't, in which case don't leave her with your DD
Sounds to me as if your DSIS didn't really want to babysit so was doing you a favour

ballstoit Fri 29-Mar-13 22:23:58

YABU. My DD is 3, I don't ring anyone who's looking after her for a day, I trust anyone I leave her with to ring me if there's a problem.

When I babysit for DTNephews, SIL or DB do text every few hours normally, but they're under a year and have specific health issues.
and they are concerned I may be feeding them chocolate, instead of brocolli

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